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Reforming bond with partner

Zed13
Community Member

My husband and I are from overseas, we've been here 7 years and have moved around a lot following work. I am very lonely, very unhappy and desperate to go back home. He has agreed that we will return home, but financially we cannot afford it for a couple of years. While he does want to return home, he has many desires to remain here in Oz at least for several more years. However, we have agreed that in the long run we will be better off at home. We have just moved (yet again) and I am at home with our daughter, I am pregnant and feeling very lonely and isolated. I am doing what I can to make new friends, and meet new people, but these things don't necessarily happened quickly nor does it mean friendships will be meaningful. My husband is pretty much OK with not having many friends, he spends a lot of time of Facebook talking to old friends from back home. We really don't have a very fulfilling life, and it seems to have been years since we last did.

The last few weeks have been really difficult between us, we have argued a lot, I've cried a lot and it's had a negative effect on our daughters behaviour. I am struggling with low mood, and low energy levels. My husband is not happy with me, he has consented to return home years sooner than he would have ideally liked, but he is doing this to keep us together and because he loves us.

I am unsure how we can continue to move forwards without any resentment building between us. We have not been intimate for a long time, I often feel like we are either skirting around each other or we end up having uncomfortable conversations. I am not sure that at this point in time anything we do will make either of us happy, I don't think he fully considers how hard life is for me alone, with a small child in a new city and not knowing anyone.

We haven't had a date night since our daughter was born, we have only a two occasions on which we were together and child free. This hasn't helped, we have no-one other than each other and I think that alone adds to our tensions.

Anyone have any ideas of how to maintain a relationship through stressful times?

2 Replies 2

Stillkickin
Community Member
Hello Zed13, I'm sorry to hear about your current position, but I think the best thing you can do is hold on to your family, don't let such things jump in the way of your relationship, if you and your husband are eager to return home then I guess you just have to be strong and patient. I can promise you Australia is a beautiful place with many lovely outgoing people here, but I can understand how homesickness can feel. I hope everything goes well with you and your family. 😃

Quiettall
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Zed

My heart goes out to you. Loneliness is such a horrid feeling, and it must be difficult when you are "suffering" from pregnancy as well. You need to look after the little child within...yourself.....Is there anyone you can enjoy even an odd coffee/tea out or a spot of shopping, or even an occassional drive in the country? Have you connected with a local church or neighbourhood centre. They are great places to get some support and maybe get involved in an activity outside the home that helps you refocus your mind and therefore improve your mood?

Keep posting as there are a number of people on here who along with myself would love to continue to support and encourage you

Peter