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Brokenhearted again.

Community Member
Hi, I am a 45 year old woman. 2 kids, 19 and 16. Had them with my 1st husband, with him for 15 years and then he had an affair and left. Second husband was abusive, both controlling and emotionally abusive the whole 10 years we lasted. He lived in NSW so was long distance. Then dated a nice man who i met online for 1 and half years, he then left me saying he met someone else on line. Break in between. Then was brave enough to have another go on-line. Met an Italian man i have been dating for 4 months. I fell hard for this one. Now he has met another girl. A girl that came back into his life from the past. And he wants to give it a go, while still seeing me. I said no of course. But this time i feel more shattered and destroyed than ever before. I have lived as a single parent for 14 years. I dont need a man in my life but I want one. Im lonely to my core. Would love to have a partner to share life with. I am now at the stage where I think its useless to keep trying. I feel i am never going to have a life partner. My heart aches.
4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi there Hope45,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I feel that ache for companionship sometimes too but one thing that I find helpful is just focusing on myself and on my goals and self-improvement. Through me joining various clubs and volunteering, I have met a lot of great people but to me, it's more about that I want to be in a relationship with someone because we both want to be together, and not because we need to be together, if that makes sense?

I don't want to be all "airy-fairy" and say that it's all in timing, but just looking at my past, I know that timing is everything when it comes to relationships. Sometimes people don't realise that being single is not a waiting stage to being in a relationship, but it can be an actual relationship status all on it's own.

Just because you are single, it doesn't mean that you have to be lonely. The best advice that I can give you is to focus on yourself and take things slow with people you meet. Maybe you are trying too hard to meet and connect with someone to fill some hole or gap in your heart, and you need to know that you are complete as an individual.

Humans are social animals and that longing for companionship can often be filled with friends and family, but that's just my opinion (obviously I am a bit biased because I am focused on my singleness right now lol)

Hope what I've said is helpful to you in some way though!

Gabby xx

Hi there Gabby,

I am a "nice man" who has recently had this happen too recently - with someone I loved deeply and unconditionally, I understand your pain and how much this hurts, and if it gives you comfort know that you aren't the only person who feels this way out there.

Getting around family and friends is a great way to distract yourself - I have felt the most depressed I have ever been since my break up 3 weeks ago, but being around them has helped improve this.

Hope this helps

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Hope

My wife and I split after 17 years. I was devastated after having 2 children to her, only to find out during the divorce proceedings that my son was allegedly a product of an affair she had with my best friend. I have had a couple of partners since which were great but not ending up being long term. I always believed in the good of human nature so persevered. I celebrated 12 years marriage to my second wife last week. It hasnt been an easy marriage but I resign myself to the fact that at least we communicate, we are still together and are growing.

At 45, you are still young enough to meet someone. Dont give up hope. Just for now, concentrate on looking after the inner child within...spoil yourself a bit....as you become more at peace with yourself, the inner happiness will glow and you will hopefully attract the right partner.

Good luck Hope, and keep believing......but dont put all your eggs and hope into one person. You need to broaden your scope a little. I am finding that as I am now retired and focussing on braodening my personal horizons, exploring activities I have always wanted to do, but always been too busy with partner/s and children and career.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Hope,

You have had it ough, I'm so sorry and i know exactly how you feel. I am 46 divorced with 2 kids, 14 & 13.i met someone, fell for him (didn't realise he was a commitment phobic), relationship turned bad, found out I was pregnant ( now 3and 1/2) so now a single mum with 3 kids, very lonely and depressed at times and although I have 3 beautiful children, for which I am very grateful, I do get lonely. When I had my 3rd child her father didn't have much to do with us! He treated me very badly ( I have a thread "accused of infidelity" ) but eventually came round. It was too late for me though. He is in our lives but he is a single man. Nit dating or anything but doing what he wNts when he wants. HE helps out at times and we take the little one out together at times but I do everything . My ex husband is in his second relationship since we split and she lives interstate. He practically lives there travelling back and forth and from what I see enjoying life to the max. He has the kids every 2nd weekend and sees them 1 night mid week other than that he's too busy. I've been happy on my own for a while but I feel everyone is free while I bring up these kids on my own. Yes I would love a companion.

i would love to meet men and go out Nd find somone but besides being mission impossible who wants a single mum with 3 kids to 2 dads. Like you I feel ill be forever lonely.

i agree with what others have said though about being single being a time to discover yourself and do things for you. Do you have a few good friends, people to socialise with? Joining clubs with people with similar interest is a great idea, you never know, something could blossom without you even realising. What about single parent groups?

i hope you do find happiness, you deserve it.