Fallen in love with a close friend

[Johno460]

I'm in a really close friend group. We're always together and doing stuff, sometimes just driving around. There's one girl in the group. We'll call her Jane. Jane and I really connect with a weird sense of humour and can just talk for hours on end. I love spending time with her. Anyway, the more time I spend with her, the more I can picture her as my girlfriend. She just makes me so happy. The issue lies in the fact that us dating would drastically alter the way our friend group functions. We do nearly everything together and dating Jane would create some tension, and if we had a falling out and/or a nasty breakup and didn't want to see each other, then the group would be destroyed (there is only 4 in the main group). I love going out every other day and having such an amazing group of friends, but I need to do something with these feelings welling up inside me and I have no idea what. I'm scared of outright rejection, scared of the consequences of a breakup and scared for my own mental health. I need some ideas of what to do.

Extra info: I've only been in one real relationship before and that ended a few months ago.
18/m/straight (see next)
I'm demisexual (I don't have sex until the relationship is formed)

Thanks for reading

[Croix]

Dear Johno460~

Welcome here to the forum, where I think there are many who have hesitated before trying to enter a relationship. It is a worry. As you say being rejected could be horrible, as could breaking up later on.

Despite that for an awful lot of people being in a relationship is where they feel most complete and happy.

A good relationship is where you care enough to want the other person to be fulfilled, safe and happy, and the other person feels the same way about you. There is trust and reliance involved too.

If you think this is more than just a passing fancy - and by the sound of it you do - then what to you think of being open and tellng your friend how you feel?

I expect that any person you are attracted to would be a nice person, and if they did not feel the same way would try to let you down as kindly as possible, and of course if they did feel the same way that could be great.

Croix

[Juliet_84]

Hi Johnno,

i would say that most of us have been in your current situation at one point or another. It makes sense that you would develop feelings for someone who you have so much in common and are great friends with, many of the best relationships start out that way. Unfortunately, you’ve got to risk it to get the biscuit! In my mind, it’s a no-brainer, not many things compare to the exhilarating feeling of falling in love. And worse case you get rejected - I know that is always a terrifying notion for us, but we’ve all been rejected at times and survived. Not only that, but we’ve also rejected people ourselves, and when we do, we still have a soft spot for that person because they saw something in us, you can never be mad at a person who says they love you. The risk is that you may lose the friendship, but you may lose it anyway, she may get a boyfriend and stop hanging out so much, or move away, etc, you can’t live your life afraid of the what if’s

[geoff]

Hi Johno, thanks for being here, I agree she might get a boyfriend and stop hanging out with the group, then that's going to upset you.

Go with your instinct, in time the group may break up due to other commitments, like work or having to move residence, if you feel as though you love her, there's nothing stopping you from asking her.

Geoff.