Hi Pamela, welcome
This is a very difficult post to answer because 1/ I'm estranged from one of 2 daughters so I know the pain you're both going through and 2/ The role of grandparents can be fickle, temperamental. Let me explain.
When my daughter last year told us she was pregnant we were over the moon. The 1st thing I said to her was "we are delighted, however one thing I must say, we are grandparents and that role is not parents to your forthcoming child, You are the parents and we want to be supportive but not encroach on your role in any way"
Why did I say that? Well, in this forum, a place I've been a champion for 12 years, I've seen so many grandparents being cut off and its shattering and often irreparable. The line in the sand of "support" and "interfering" depends on the the child, your daughter in this instance, her limits, her personality and where her line of tolerance is even if you see it as unreasonable. You've been supportive to no end in all other ways as you've listed but sadly, if you cross her line of tolerance on one topic, particularly a topic that she is highly sensitive to, then she can and has, exercised her power to remove you from her life.
As grandparents we can easily fall into the judgemental phase (eg "Kids don't get to unhealthy obese weights from healthy habits") and I dont want to hurt you in any way, but obesity is an extremely sensitive area to talk about having to tread a very fine line. She might have pressure on the topic from many quarters. Facts at times doesnt justify voicing an opinion sad as it is because we are dealing with opinions of other people and how they receive it is the issue here. Some can take it, others cant.
Perhaps you might consider a short letter (never long ones) to her with this answer accompanying it could help. That you never meant to harm her and her best interests was your intentions.
As grandparents we are not immune to falling into the trap of doing too much and voicing too much concern, we never dream it would end up as a pivot to being cut off. What it does show is that your daughters feelings are very deep and sensitive to an obesity issue that as all overweight people can attest (including me) that can be the result of inherited issues, poor diet, a medical issue, lack of exercise or all of the above.
Again I'm sorry this has brought you both so much heartache. I hope it works out and please feel free to reply anytime. As I said it is a difficult topic to answer.
TonyWK
