Ending a relationship?

[daisyqueen]

How do I know when to end a relationship?

I know by asking that question it’s probably a good indication but I’m just so confused. 
I’ve been with my partner for 3 years.. and there have always been issues with us. These are with his family getting involved, us hurting each other, him lying to me, not listening to either one, him not being honest about finances. 
Lately things have just reached a boiling point. 
I’m scared to be alone. I’m scared to end it and make a mistake, I’m scared to not have his support financially. 
I know that sounds wrong but it’s just how I feel. 

[daisyqueen]

Hi JED1980,

Thank you for your reply. 

I really don’t know if I’m making the right decision. I feel like I’m not trying hard enough. 
I feel very lost. 

[daisyqueen]

Hi Jaz, 

Thank you for your message. 

It’s been the same conversation/argument for nearly three years. I can’t remember how we were at the beginning. 
I feel like he’s being dishonest with me about the financial situation and even though he knows I’ve struggled with my health and my work, he says ‘these things should be equal’ and then in the same breath ‘why did you leave your last job’ like it’s my fault. He knows the ins and outs as to why I left… he was there and he saw how much mental pressure and stress it caused. 

I’m scared of losing him, scared of being alone, scared of the financial repercussions and scared of making a mistake. 

[daisyqueen]

We’ve tried to communicate. He says he isn’t comfortable talking to me and I don’t want to talk to him because I feel as though it all just goes straight back to his family who put their foot in it and make it ten times more difficult. They have treated me badly and I don’t want anything to do with them - and he on the other hand says ‘I don’t see what they did wrong’. 

I left my last job due to sexual harassment, and being treated badly by new owners that took over. Not to mention I had been in that industry for five years and I had disliked it from day one. 
He says ‘my money is your money, do what you want with it, take what you need’ and then turns around and says things should be equal in terms of saving for a house deposit. 
It’s taken me a while to find a stable job. 
I feel like this is him using an excuse to get out of buying a house with me because he doesn’t want to. He didn’t even want to rent a house with me in the beginning saying ‘it’s a waste of money when we can be saving to buy’ but our living circumstances forced us to rent. 
I just feel like there is so much resentment and I don’t know if that’s something one can come back from. 

[JED1980]

Hey Daisyqueen

Im sure you are trying and doing all the right things. These decisions are some if the hardest to make.

I guess you need to ask yourself if this relationship is really what you want. Does it make you happy? Does he make you happy? 

At the end of the day, you have to do what you think is right for you.

It may be hard at first, but i believe you have the strength to get it through it if you do choose to leave.

I hope you are ok

Jx

[BugsBunny21]

It’s great you are able to talk about it. A good question to consider is, do you want to continue dealing with these issues for the next 10, 20 years or longer? If you are really wanting to make it work, then perhaps see a psychologist together. Alternatively, you can see a psychologist on your own and perhaps after a couple of sessions you’ll have your answer and be happy with it? I can see this wouldn’t be easy for the reasons you’ve mentioned but you are capable of more than what you think. 

[jaz28]

daisyqueen,

I understand that must be exhausting. You are the only one who can decide. Yes it will be hard and you will feel alone and lost for a while - so make sure you really want to break up before doing so. If you're not sure - maybe a week's break from each other might help you decide?

Jaz.