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How do I change?

_me___
Community Member

Time and time again I have been in relationships but my bipolar disorder gets the best of me, I am on antidepressants and trying to book a counsellor is almost a 2 month wait. I lash out emotionally. 
I feel as though I have abandonment issues (my biological father left my mum while she was pregnant with me). My step father cheated on my mother with sex workers. 
I love partners unconditionally but drinking causes me to be irrational. My most recent partner adored me but still left the breakup was a horrible mess I drank a lot the evening he broke up with me, threatened to call the police and was just “crazy” I absolutely loved him though and just cannot understand why I would do those things to someone I love. The look in his eyes like he was resentful of me. I want to know how I can change and stop this cycle. 
I feel empty, lost and so lonely. 

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi welcome,

 

And the sad news is- it is likely to continue (bipolar) to interrupt your life. I have bipolar and as a 66yo I can see things so much more clearer than when younger. My brother and uncle suicided, my sister and I attempted. My life has been a roller coaster. I have a wife of 12 years now and she has depression- which is great because she understands, unless we are both down and need each other then it can be a bit of a mess.

 

This forum is ideal because

 

  • We have a thread dedicated to bipolar )my bipolar life) just use search
  • We are open 24/7/365
  • We have a depth of staff and community champions that can often answer your posts within reasonable time

A few things you might already know-

 

  • Alcohol will not benefit you in any way with this illness
  • Lack of sleep is a major issue and often we dont realise its impact the next day on our moods
  • That the ordeals in childhood and adulthood can seem worse than they actually are if you have a mental health issue. We tend to fall in the pit quicker and stay there longer.
  • We are prone to "take it out on our partner". Usually as they are closest to us and we are begging for help in an odd way.

There is a lot of work we should do with our mental health issues that should not include our partner as they have limits, usually arent medically savvy and might have their own health or family issues. 

 

Below is a thread you both could benefit from-

 

Relationship strife? the peace pipe - Page 2 - Beyond Blue Forums - 315496

 

TonyWK

 

 

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

- me-

Thanks so much for your post and I can identify with your experiences.

Welcome to the forum.

I also have bipolar.

There is a thread This bipolar life, where people with bipolar talk about their and experience and support each other. 
i have had bipolar for almost 50 years and am still learning. I know have to accept myself and be flexible and honest about my symptoms.