Emotionally disconnected

[Guest_16106532]

Hello everyone,

I have been married to my husband for 20 years known him for 24 and I find that I wan to be away from him. I have become very emotional about him not showing me love. I ried to talk to him about it but he did not show any interest and said I am looking fo problems like my mum.  
I began feeling isolated and noticing that we are not emotionally connected about a year ago. I had great doubts about our marriage at the start as there was a lot of issues with our families... We have lived through tese and now I am beginning to feel that there is no love. Ther ehas never been much love. 

Recently I met a kind man and this has highlighted my needs to me even more . 
I am in my mid 40s. Is this part of a mid life crisis or have I changed? Has any one gone through a smiliar eperience? 
 I feel bad tht I feel this way about my husband. 

[Weltschmerz]

Your situation is so sad and it can be difficult to leave a relationship. Sometimes when the love and connection is lost it is best to take care of yourself and to move on. This is a tough decision to make and the ending of any long term relationship is deeply distressing. It is similar to losing your spouse as you grieve for the lost relationship.

I’ve done this three times and I find it’s always best to take sometime alone afterwards to heal. It will also be easier if you have supportive friends and family, although sadly this support can be short lived.

You sound like you’ve trued and that you’ve made up your mind about the next step. Whatever you do, look after yourself and remember you have a deserve to be respected, loved and happy. You can also be alone without being lonely. 

Sending massive hugs 

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at such a deeply challenging time.

I can relate to the challenges that can come with gradually 'waking up' or becoming more conscious of the dynamics within a long term relationship. Having been married for 23 years, there are times where I've thought 'How the heck did I miss that (some part of my husband's nature and how it impacts him, me and the relationship we share)?'. Btw, I don't proclaim to be the perfect partner/wife. We all have some questionable ways about us and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that at times. It does become a problem though when more and more questions begin to pop up, with no one providing the answers we need. I smile when I say that waking up is not easy, especially when you're looking for answers that require your partner to do a bit of a deep dive so that you can both evolve at that point of the relationship.  

Not sure if you can relate but I discovered throughout my marriage that I accommodated a lot, pretty much from the beginning, and just got used to it. Never set the bar too high for deep conversations. Never set it too high when it came to a shared sense of adventure or setting exciting goals to navigate toward together and so on. I told myself 'That's okay' and when I'd begin to aim high on occasion, I saw myself as being 'too challenging'. So, I'd settle back down again. We can only do so much of 'down' until it becomes a way of life and that's not good. 

When it comes to us gradually waking up, bit by bit, I think the greatest yet most challenging thing to wake up to is the need to set the bar higher. I've found that with a thirst or a passion for developing greater consciousness, this tends to automatically kick the bar up a notch. When that happens, there's a need for people to meet us where we're now at, on a higher level. Some will meet us there and some won't.

While we may appear to cycle 'round and 'round through depressing periods in a relationship, we rise with the revelation or revelations that come at the end of each cycle. Can't help but wonder whether you're cycling up through this challenge, while coming to know yourself on a deeper level. Constantly rising through greater and greater states of awareness definitely changes/redevelops a person. ❤️