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Does anyone experience pe inriodic relapses?

012DnR
Community Member
Two of my six kids have been estranged from me for four years now. Its been a most excruciating experience for all of us. My other kids are doing quite okay and we do keep an open dialogue about it. I can see improvement in my own emotional health but every so often the pain bubbles up and wrecks me all over again. I get to feeling like I can accept it and I make great head ways on my recovery journey and then 'bam' it strikes me again... sometimes I see it coming and some times it surprises me. It always takes three to four weeks to get back to where I was before my sadness grips me again. It cripples me complete for two or three days. One thing that I have become aware of ( because I keep a diary of my mental health) is that the gaps between each "attack" ( I call it that because thats exactly how it feels) are getting longer. Does anyone else experience this? Any suggestions on how to reduce the damage that these attacks do to me and those that love and worry about me.
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi 12.

Life can be so unjust. Yes, it might help if I tell you my story.

In the 90's my ex and I had two daughters, we separated after 11 years. She was emotionally abusive and twisted my brain. I was suicidal in 1996. I left the family home on the basis "better my kids had a part time dad than no dad at all".

So I rebuilt my life and in the total child support period, 14 years, never had a late payment. I also bought my kids clothes, fruit to take home etc. My eldest came to live with me eventually but my youngest very much a clone of her mothers attitude stopped seeing me at 14yo. It shattered me. At 16yo she needed $16000 dental and jaw work. I paid the lot. I kept the receipts.

At 24yo, 10 years of seeing her just a few times, she re-entered my life. We got on well. She claimed her mother paid "mostly" for her teeth. I produced the receipts. She asked her mother. "All receipts were made out to your dad but I paid half".

My conscience clear though. Xmas approached and her colours came out. Total disrespect. I put such incidents to her. "I dont need you" was her reply. The last words.

I know one day she'll turn up. Id already told her "I cant be a grandfather to any of your future children unless you are a daughter to me".

But I've found now what I'd do if she showed. I'd talk to her calmly but firmly. Reason is for my sanity. I wont stop being a father but I wont open up to her again to be hurt over and over again.

Back to your grief. That what it is. There in no cure. Good about keeping a diary. When these sad periods come keep yourself busy. Accept that life goes on and families suffer this all the time, its common.

Consider writing to them. From your end keeping the door open. Its all you can do. Also, its their decision. But their loss.

Yes, the pain comes and goes. Love your other 4....that emptiness in your heart cant be helped

Caring as you do means you are a great mum. Thats all you need to know

Tony WK

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello DnR, and thanks Tony for your own experience you have told us, you know there are times when life is tough and we can't understand why this should happen, I don't have any answers for you and even if I did, they may not suit you, but there is one thing in common here, we have all the respect for you and anyone else who is suffering in their own way.
I would say to you D that if these relapses were happening just every now and then, that slowly you're on the road to recovery, however this is not to be, because they are getting longer and whether your circumstances have changed could be the reason.
As your children are getting older they maybe asking a lot of questions, and if you worry about them asking so many questions then that's not going to help you, remember you have 4 children at home and they will be curious, and if you would like someone to talk with them then contact Reachout and/or Headspace, they can come to your home which maybe a great load taken off your shoulders.
Can I just say that I've had numerous relapses which have been caused by certain events, but I know that within a few days I will get back on track, and even though I contact my support group I let it run it's time, because I know it will go, that doesn't mean I won't get it again, I certainly hope not, but that I can not be sure of. Geoff.