Hi 12.
Life can be so unjust. Yes, it might help if I tell you my story.
In the 90's my ex and I had two daughters, we separated after 11 years. She was emotionally abusive and twisted my brain. I was suicidal in 1996. I left the family home on the basis "better my kids had a part time dad than no dad at all".
So I rebuilt my life and in the total child support period, 14 years, never had a late payment. I also bought my kids clothes, fruit to take home etc. My eldest came to live with me eventually but my youngest very much a clone of her mothers attitude stopped seeing me at 14yo. It shattered me. At 16yo she needed $16000 dental and jaw work. I paid the lot. I kept the receipts.
At 24yo, 10 years of seeing her just a few times, she re-entered my life. We got on well. She claimed her mother paid "mostly" for her teeth. I produced the receipts. She asked her mother. "All receipts were made out to your dad but I paid half".
My conscience clear though. Xmas approached and her colours came out. Total disrespect. I put such incidents to her. "I dont need you" was her reply. The last words.
I know one day she'll turn up. Id already told her "I cant be a grandfather to any of your future children unless you are a daughter to me".
But I've found now what I'd do if she showed. I'd talk to her calmly but firmly. Reason is for my sanity. I wont stop being a father but I wont open up to her again to be hurt over and over again.
Back to your grief. That what it is. There in no cure. Good about keeping a diary. When these sad periods come keep yourself busy. Accept that life goes on and families suffer this all the time, its common.
Consider writing to them. From your end keeping the door open. Its all you can do. Also, its their decision. But their loss.
Yes, the pain comes and goes. Love your other 4....that emptiness in your heart cant be helped
Caring as you do means you are a great mum. Thats all you need to know
Tony WK
