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Do I leave

Community Member

I have been with my husband for 18 years and I have never felt madly in love with him. He is an alcoholic and can be aggressive towards the kids and I. Lately I have been absolutely consumed with the thought of leaving him. It’s driving me mental, I can’t sleep unless I drink and I know that not good. I don’t want sex with him and we haven’t shared the same bed in over 3 years. I think I know it’s over I am just so scared my kids will hate me and I will never find anyone else and become a lonely depressed alcoholic. We are about to build another home to gather and this will just throw our lives in absolute chaos but I just don’t think I can do this anymore. My mind feels like a total mess.

2 Replies 2

Dear Drunk mess,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). We do recommend you reach out to 1800 respect on 1800 737 732 (available 24/7) - It is a 24-hour national sexual assault, family and domestic violence counselling line.

Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Drunkness, if your husband has been aggressive towards you and the children, then they will understand the reason why you want to leave him, but at the moment may be concerned about your own drinking because you can't list this as a solution, if you leave him then hopefully this will stop and then you'll be able to get on with your life.

Building a new home isn't going to solve any problems between you and your husband, it's only going to become a mess, who is to decide on what type of brick, the kitchen outlay, the colour of the carpet, the wall colours and much more and it certainly will 'throw your lives in absolute chaos' because the split up will so much more difficult.

If you haven't shared the same bed in three years then building a new home is not going to overcome this problem, once again, it's only going to be heartbreaking for you and not achieve what he may be expecting.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest that if you want to leave him for reasons you have told us, then do it before it becomes much more complicated, your children will understand and prefer to live in two happy households rather than one unhappy house.

Please get back to us if you require any more help, and from your thread, this could well be, so it would be lovely to hear back from you.

Take care.