Hello Drunkness, if your husband has been aggressive towards you and the children, then they will understand the reason why you want to leave him, but at the moment may be concerned about your own drinking because you can't list this as a solution, if you leave him then hopefully this will stop and then you'll be able to get on with your life.
Building a new home isn't going to solve any problems between you and your husband, it's only going to become a mess, who is to decide on what type of brick, the kitchen outlay, the colour of the carpet, the wall colours and much more and it certainly will 'throw your lives in absolute chaos' because the split up will so much more difficult.
If you haven't shared the same bed in three years then building a new home is not going to overcome this problem, once again, it's only going to be heartbreaking for you and not achieve what he may be expecting.
I can't tell you what to do, but I can suggest that if you want to leave him for reasons you have told us, then do it before it becomes much more complicated, your children will understand and prefer to live in two happy households rather than one unhappy house.
Please get back to us if you require any more help, and from your thread, this could well be, so it would be lovely to hear back from you.
Take care.
Geoff.
