Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

JeanyC Fiancé can’t seem to commit
  • replies: 3

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have had some ups and downs, notably him cheating late last year. We have been working through that, and though he says he regrets it deeply, he is still having desires to sleep with other people. He tells m... View more

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have had some ups and downs, notably him cheating late last year. We have been working through that, and though he says he regrets it deeply, he is still having desires to sleep with other people. He tells me that the thought of sleeping with someone else turns him on. He says he doesn’t want to cheat again, he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me but he does have these urges and desires. im stuck on what to do. I feel very unwanted and like I’m just not enough. I’m hurting. But I also don’t want to just throw in the towel.

Blurred_Lines Navigating "steps"
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been in a relationship for around 8 years. We were colleagues. He was separated (acrimonious relationship>many years). Though the separation occurred prior to us connecting, I've always been treated like the "other woman" & caus... View more

My partner and I have been in a relationship for around 8 years. We were colleagues. He was separated (acrimonious relationship>many years). Though the separation occurred prior to us connecting, I've always been treated like the "other woman" & cause of marital breakdown. I have no children. He has adult son & daughter. I get along ok with son (M). I'm all at sea with daughter (F) and daughter-in-law (DIL). I failed to set strong boundaries at the start thru naivete. I focused on being engaging/thoughtful etc to form relationship. F contacts me when I'm using my professional experience to help her. I'm in favour then, ignored other times. Her successive boyfriends have been disrespectful - I suspect supporting her agenda. When visiting, she's super-polite though distant, peppered with asides (for me to just hear). There's a lot of masked exclusion tactics. DIL was an ally for a while but developed into most hostile. Eg, family social situation - I went and sat with the dog the only place I felt accepted. My partner felt he should have joined me. We receive little contact from DIL particularly in relation to grandkids. Attempts to remain involved - treated as total nuisance, contact now periodical. Expectation to "give!" and silently accept treatment dished out. We don't feel welcome at M & DIL home (DIL pass/agg). M doesn't see or doesn't want to see & I haven't drawn his attention to it. Birthdays and Christmas, by nature, I try to celebrate with meaningful gifts (not the most expensive, but cater to their interests). I feel like my efforts are oft taken for granted. To me Christmas is time to celebrate family love & embrace the past year. I feel my efforts are in vain and I want to disengage. There's no appreciation for efforts on my part - barely a thank you, sometimes more like "meh :(". I spend my time with them walking on eggshells in case (often the case) I unwittingly cause them more disapproval. Am I right to disengage? Will this be the final nail in the proverbial? My partner is aware of my exclusion. He gets much of the same treatment and he sees some of what goes on toward me. He's supportive of me. I'm caught between carrying on "being nice" in hopes it'll settle one day, or just disengaging - eg giftcards for b'day & Christmas and not attend events unless necessary to my partner, ceasing assisting F (I'm now treated much like an unpaid employee in that regard). I don't want to harm his relationships (or be blamed) but I'm struggling.

Rumnraisin 25 years of failing relationship but feel stuck
  • replies: 5

Hi there just needed to post something due to frustration & feeling very stuck. My partner and I have been together for 25 years have two teenage children and run business together. it hasn’t been a great relationship as my partner suffers from aband... View more

Hi there just needed to post something due to frustration & feeling very stuck. My partner and I have been together for 25 years have two teenage children and run business together. it hasn’t been a great relationship as my partner suffers from abandonment issues as he was foster child at age 4. In beginning I felt was my responsibility to help him overcome his fears & make him happy, which ended up in my enabling his behaviour in particular with all his addictions, gambling drugs etc etc. he had major episode with a highly addictive drug for 4 years but overcame this addiction 4 years ago. Things became a lot better but still addiction is an issue with another drug. Long story short I moved out beginning of year for 3 months & moved back in because he passed drug tests & did ten hypnotherapy sessions to help him with his childhood issues. 4 months later & he has been back to using drugs, though considerably reduced use I’m still very angry & frustrated as that deal breaker for me. I’ve asked him to do a drug test which he keeps informing me he can’t pass. He promises in 2-3 weeks he will do one then get there says he needs another few weeks & so on. I am now so angry that being around him is difficult and I can no longer even communicate with him. now I’m back to thinking all time of breaking up and having thoughts to end our relationship & business. not sure what advice im even after just a chat I suppose. I don’t like bringing it up with my family as I know it’s difficult for them thanks

jamiel Financially bound by my ex
  • replies: 4

I don't know what to do. I am at a loss and don't know who can help. 11 years ago I bought my first home with my abusive ex. He wasn't really physically, just emotionally and verbally. There was also a lot of gaslighting. My father passed when I was ... View more

I don't know what to do. I am at a loss and don't know who can help. 11 years ago I bought my first home with my abusive ex. He wasn't really physically, just emotionally and verbally. There was also a lot of gaslighting. My father passed when I was a little girl and we used most of my inheritance to secure our first home. 2 homes and 2 kids later i finally had the strength too leave. Now my ex is in the mines as FIFO and earns a decent income but he is terrible with money. Isn't capable of saving, likes to show off and spend money on his mates, holidays all the time. I left him 2 years ago. He is still living in the family home and we have an investment home also that is on the market. Consent order's have been signed and he accepts and is liable for both homes as I was a single mum trying to get through this. He has proceeded to move on, have another baby and partner that lives in my home. He has got himself in such a hole of debt that the bank will not refinance to get my name off any loan. He has used Covid to put halts on our home loans and hasn't paid anything since march. He is going to destroy my credit rating soon as he just keeps spending and spending. We also share a personal loan that he has now defaulted on which has impacted my credit rating. I am just so scared and upset. I suffer anxiety, depression and still trying to overcome the narcissism and abusive way i was treat for 12 years. I dont know how to get out of this. The bank wont set me free and all I want to do is provide a new life for my kids but as long as I'm stuck on the loans, he is going to ruin my credit rating and I'll never be able to get forward. I am just so defeated and have no idea how to get out of this hole. Sorry for the long message. I dont know if anyone has any suggestions but it is good to vent. TiA

ConcreteRose No friends.., a lonely single mum.
  • replies: 13

So here I am at 36, a single mum of 4 kids & I nolonger have a social life. Friends" started to fade away from my life several years ago, just the usual with people moving, & people growing and changing and taking different life paths etc. I was fina... View more

So here I am at 36, a single mum of 4 kids & I nolonger have a social life. Friends" started to fade away from my life several years ago, just the usual with people moving, & people growing and changing and taking different life paths etc. I was finally down to 1 friend who was very toxic and I found the strength to end that 2 years ago, & since then I've had no friends I don't really have family either apart from my children. We visit my parents but I'm not close to them. I feel extremely lonely and isolated. I have depression and social anxiety which doesn't help matters, although nobody could pick it as I'm good at hiding those things. I have my youngest child with me 24/7, so joining activities etc I enjoy to meet people is not doable. I have tried playgroups etc and found them to be like high school, with how mums have their groups and can be very nasty etc unfortunately. I talk to mums when my youngest is playing with their child at parks, but nothing comes of it. I started telling myself I don't care I'm alone, but I do care, it really hurts that I have nobody. How am I supposed to make close friends at my age, especially when I don't get any child free time etc? Does anybody else feel like this? I feel like I'm the only woman my age who doesn't even have 1 friend. ( I currently do not work & just study online at home until my youngest is old enough to start prep)

Smilemore954 Traumatic experiences
  • replies: 6

I didn’t really have a good start to life I was sexually abused by my dads friend at the age of 5, on top of dealing with emotional and physical abuse from family,I had no proper friends,I felt so much emotional pain as a child but didn’t understand ... View more

I didn’t really have a good start to life I was sexually abused by my dads friend at the age of 5, on top of dealing with emotional and physical abuse from family,I had no proper friends,I felt so much emotional pain as a child but didn’t understand the feelings I was experiencing, which then lead to me developing strong feelings of low self esteem and a lack in self worth which I still suffer from today.I later on in life had two psychotic episodes and was hospitalised for 2months I felt that was my lowest point in life where I was then diagnosed with ocd,depression,anxiety and psychosis.All that I have mentioned which has happened to me is what haunts me and makes me feel lonely because I don’t really have friends or a social group that understand my frustration.I am now left with two choices,the first is to stay in the abusive household I only know and grew up in where I suppress my happiness to keep my parents happy or leave my abusive family and rediscover myself and what I truely want out of life but be cut be off from my family and be seen as a shame to my own family which Is a decision I am struggling to make as a young adult because I don’t want my parents to be upset with me and to be viewed as a shame.i have always had to prove myself to them and it’s just exhausting because they don’t reciprocate the same energy

w1nn1e Partner dominates conversations, I cant speak?
  • replies: 7

I am currently in a happy and loving relationship but sometimes I feel that the partner talks a LOT. In no way are they narcissistic or toxic just to make that clear. But I notice that throughout the duration of a sleepover together, they would have ... View more

I am currently in a happy and loving relationship but sometimes I feel that the partner talks a LOT. In no way are they narcissistic or toxic just to make that clear. But I notice that throughout the duration of a sleepover together, they would have not once asked me how my week has been going or how I am (we have a sleepover once a week). Its clear that they care about me in the way they treat me nicely but sometimes it would be great if they showed interest in what I would like the conversation to be about. Like sometimes when they come over they will just launch into a rant about something and I just find myself agreeing and nodding instead of being engaged in the conversation since they are talking at me the whole time. It makes me feel guilty as I know this person is great but if I try to bring up my opinion/thought/or a story then its gets sort of dismissed and just goes back to what they want to say. As I said, this person is not narcissistic or selfish and I do see a future with them but I just don't know how to go about discussing this with them. I don't want to change them or stop them from being outspoken and talkative. But I have also noticed when they talk on the phone they can talk at the person on the other end for hours as well, so I know its not a personal thing towards me. Just don't know how to bring it up without sounding harsh or insulting in case they do have underlying symptoms of ADHD (talking non-stop)? Would appreciate any advice on how I can go about this?

LEB Parenting emotional preschooler who is angry at the world.
  • replies: 2

My preschool age son can be a sweet, thoughtful, empathetic & gentle boy, but his ability to manage his emotions, especially his anger, during these last few months of lockdown is becoming a struggle. He is so quick to anger, blame someone else, and ... View more

My preschool age son can be a sweet, thoughtful, empathetic & gentle boy, but his ability to manage his emotions, especially his anger, during these last few months of lockdown is becoming a struggle. He is so quick to anger, blame someone else, and sometimes become aggressive with his sister or himself, which is very concerning. He reacts poorly to things you would expect from a toddler (eg, not getting his way, sharing, being "told off" etc) and has also started saying things like "I hate myself/my life/you" and "my brain hurts and I don't know what to do" when upset and overwhelmed. We are all trying our best to support him & help him understand/manage his feelings, but I would love to get advice from anyone else who has experienced similar. I know this is an "unprecedented time" & Covid has messed us all around, but I want to give him, and the rest of the family, the tools to get through this & beyond.

J06 Adult Child Worries about Me and it causes me Stress
  • replies: 7

I have an adult son who had issues for many years when he was younger but which are now resolved, however it involved me working closely with him and assisting him for many years. his problems also caused him to become estranged from his sister, and ... View more

I have an adult son who had issues for many years when he was younger but which are now resolved, however it involved me working closely with him and assisting him for many years. his problems also caused him to become estranged from his sister, and to a small degree from his father. He still has issues but manages them really well with the aid of mental health practitioners and without me. Problem - he now worries about me, worries about my health, my heart, whether I am getting enough exercise, whether I eat well etc.. I feel this is because he has come to an understanding of how much it took out of me (and his father, but more so me) during a period of nearly 25 years. The problems is that despite me understanding why he worries I want him to stop. It feels as though it is an added burden when I have just started getting used to being released from the constant worry of him (although of course I know that I will always worry, but it will be on a more normal level and not to the same degree as previously). I tell him to stop worrying about me, his dad and I are fine even though we are in our 70's. What else could I say that will make him stop asking me about exercise, blood pressure, exercise etc. Somehow some of his issues have been resolved but now he has this one. Although I have to admit that I do not know if he only thinks about it when he rings me (which I hope it is) - which is approx once per week, or if he worries on a regular basis. He has his own full time business so I am hoping it is only when he rings me.

yellowhornet83 I Finally pushed too far- She's leaving me and there's no way back.
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, It's my first post here an i'm not even sure where to begin. I guess at what's transpired over the last 72 hours. My wife has decided that she's had enough and she cant go on with our marriage any more. And it's all down to my actions, i... View more

Hi everyone, It's my first post here an i'm not even sure where to begin. I guess at what's transpired over the last 72 hours. My wife has decided that she's had enough and she cant go on with our marriage any more. And it's all down to my actions, i'm a repeat offender of pushing my luck and thinking im too smart to get caught, but i'm not and i do get caught. I havent physically cheated, but on multiple occassions in our 10 years together i've needed to get my ego stroked and have admiration from the opposite sex through social media. Friday night i had a chat in my DM's with a girl who initiated it and said i was cute and if i was single. Well, a random person telling me i was cute inflated my ego balloon and instead of saying thanks and no im not single i'm married. I said i'm arried, but trapped in the marriage. Now that's not true, i only said it in the hope of garnering sympathy in the hope the chat could continue. My wife found out and we've been at odds since. Seeing as we're in Melbourne and in Lockdown it's been hard to give each other space, but we spoke yesterday and she asked why i keep on doing this. In the past when i've been caught i've said i dont know, i just wanted my ego stroked. And yes that's partly true, but realisitcally in my mind i thought, "well she's obviously not going to leave me. She wouldnt dare, have you seen me?" I know that sounds awful, but it's how i've thought before. And you might say, that maybe i dont love my wife if i think like this about her, but this isnt an isolated incident, this has happened with every relationship i've had. I see myself as the better half of the relationship. And i know thats a horrible way to think but i've done that and manipulated partners to make everything benefit me since high school. I have been told i have anumber of narcissistic personality traits, and i am calling my doctor tomorrow to arrange a mental health plan if possible to talk to a professional about my thoughts and actions and reactions to situations as i know the way i act is not healthy and my partners do no deserve it. last night i broke down uncontrollably in tears, when i knew even though i want nothing more than my wife it's not safe for her to be around me and carry on in a relationship like this. It may sound silly, but it felt good to know i actually have emotions. Anyway, sorry for the long winded first post. Just needed to get some of it out as right now i'm utterly broken.