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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Beach_Days 13 years with my husband having depression
  • replies: 4

My husband of 16 years was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago. It runs in his family. We have three teenagers who are everything to us. When the kids were little I was always able to hide my partners downs, but as they are older now, it is a lot ... View more

My husband of 16 years was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago. It runs in his family. We have three teenagers who are everything to us. When the kids were little I was always able to hide my partners downs, but as they are older now, it is a lot harder. They get upset when everything boils over for him and he ends in a mess of tears. I'm really struggling to hold it all together myself. I have very few friends who I can talk to, and also, they have their own things to deal with I don't want to burden them. My family don't understand (old school, just get over it) and his family are the ones who have contributed to his lack of self worth. He said there were signs there when he was young but they didn't listen to him as a child and don't really have much to do with us at the moment. Whenever he has tried to talk to them about it, there is no help or advice at all. He is on medication for this, but as of last night, he said it just makes him blah (as in not being able to feel the real highs in life, such as his kids achieving things). If he was allowed he would sleep all night and day. He's not motivated by anything and it's really dragging me down. I pretty much do everything around the house, finances, run teens around and also work myself. He also has anger issues (not towards us) that can affect his whole mood. I may ask him to do something after work, and then if someone annoys him, he comes home angry and doesn't use common sense and is just irrational. It is just too hard at times. A month ago I was crying all the time, thinking we should separate for a while, but I do really love him, and he loves me and the kids. But sometimes it's just seems like drama and too hard. I know it's not his fault but it is sooo hard on the partners too. I'm not sure what I'm asking out of this group but I thought after 13 yrs I need to try something. Also, I've tried to get him to see someone about it but he said we don't have the money to waste. We do have the money but he just can't see past it. Thanks for listening.

Chopper2020 I want out of a long term relationship - but can't get the words out
  • replies: 4

Hi team, Firstly thank you for stopping by and checking out my thread. This is my first time utilising these forums so a tad nervous. Over the last 12 months it has become increasingly clear to me that I want out of my long term relationship, for whi... View more

Hi team, Firstly thank you for stopping by and checking out my thread. This is my first time utilising these forums so a tad nervous. Over the last 12 months it has become increasingly clear to me that I want out of my long term relationship, for which we have been together for 9 years. And I feel absolutely smothered in guilt and fear that I am in a position where i cannot find the right way to explain this to my partner. It has not been a comfortable period for me personally, losing jobs, Covid-19 restrictions etc. I figured that the 12 month period would be tough on anyone and it was OK to accept the fact that this is just the way things are and they will evolve/reset back to normal. We have spoken on several occasions about our relationship, including what has been lacking, constructive feedback and goal setting. But as much as we agree on knuckling down and working hard together to move forward, we always end up back in the same position. More to the point I end up back to the point of not being as happy as I used to be. Admittedly more recently she has put more effort into the relationship and I have been aware of this for some time, and it has become quite obvious. Through no lack of discussion and observation of each other, the flame or desire for this relationship has dissipated over time. What would seem a reasonable straight forward conversation to have (as much hurt as I would experience) I'm resistant to have this as I fear what would happen to her, considering the lack of support she has around her (family, friends). Another reason my guilt overwhelms me. Any advise or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Cheers.

John_P The male failure to launch culture
  • replies: 16

Hello. I am a male that is 34 years old and i find it hard to 'launch' in a relationship. Other aspects of my life I am a high achiever, great job, high education, great friends. great finances, great communication, ppl say I'm good looking. fit. I n... View more

Hello. I am a male that is 34 years old and i find it hard to 'launch' in a relationship. Other aspects of my life I am a high achiever, great job, high education, great friends. great finances, great communication, ppl say I'm good looking. fit. I never used to be like this. I used to be able to fall for women and love them. I have had a 2 long term relationships that collapsed suddenly, and ever since then, i find it hard to emotionally connect with a woman- and I find I despise them (relationship wise)- (I respect woman and have many great friendship with women) BUT when it comes to dating, I emotionally despise them. It may be my bodies way of dealing with previous hurt, but I am now in a situation where I literally feel physical deterrent to woman from a feelings point of view. Whenever I see a woman I am attracted to I tell myself to go up to her and talk to her but then i think- what is the point? i.e ok-we maybe might date- but the probability of it working in my mind is close to NIL. I am trying to change this but i find it hard. I see myself retreating to male friendships and not engaging with a beautiful woman. I also find myself retreating into gaming. It makes me think- Do we retreat to the narrative of how society may tell us? i.e people that know me may say- Adrian- great guy- successful-catch- but with baggage due to a failed previous relationship. And this narrative we believe ourselves? How do we short circuit the narrative we think society thinks of us? because we can in reality create our own narrative. Also, any hints on how i can overcome this as i want to have a successful long and healthy relationship with a family in the future. thank you. I'm just being honest

Reivaxe I feel like I'm losing my mind from my breakup
  • replies: 2

Over a year ago me (18M) and my gf (19F) broke up as her choice, after it was evident for some time she was into another guy but I was told I was overthinking and reacting when I brought it up. A week later they started dating. From then until now we... View more

Over a year ago me (18M) and my gf (19F) broke up as her choice, after it was evident for some time she was into another guy but I was told I was overthinking and reacting when I brought it up. A week later they started dating. From then until now we became friends with benefits for a bit which I stupidly thought was something more and then was hurt more and more with her dating some of my now uni friends (same uni degree and very small campus). Currently I have been through what it feels like is the same conversation with many people about how I should just move on and lose the connection to her, however I'm finding it impossible to forget about her or at least just see her as just another person whenever I run into or see her which is usually daily. Everything that happens in her dating life is constantly making my mind race non-stop about all the possibilities of what's happening and it feels awful, I feel so stupid for being so invested still even after all this time. I have tried no-contact, trying to only see the bad in her, talking to a counsellor, and just trying to move on but all with no avail. I guess I'm just asking for help from anyone who knows how I can move past her, I'm not the type to bounce from relationship to relationship, I feel really guilty still being cut up about her and talking to someone else who I could be interested in. And there is no possibility for the next 2 years of me not seeing her on a practically daily basis.

Daizyflower I love him but he used that
  • replies: 5

I love a guy who was a close friend of mind until he threatened the police because I was pressing for answers. I told him I like him awhile ago but there were other girls involved so I backed off. We were still friends and actually become quite close... View more

I love a guy who was a close friend of mind until he threatened the police because I was pressing for answers. I told him I like him awhile ago but there were other girls involved so I backed off. We were still friends and actually become quite close. Lately I realise I like him again so I told. He didn't real respond with anything but we still talk and started hanging out one on one. He invited me to his place but no one else was home, he took advantage of these. He made moves against me and really thought he liked me. We hangout again and we flirting but then out of nowhere is like I don't like you like that. I was blank at the time and was sending him things to make my feeling know but he started calling me obsessed. Apparently I wasn't listen and then he get mean. He made me the bad guy for taken how he was with me the wrong way. He said all of the things like he wasn't going to hurt me, he only does things with people he really likes, he was saying all of the rights and all apparently in the heat of moments even though he know how he felt and how I did.

Pinkjules1984 My partner treats me with silence and won’t talk
  • replies: 4

I’m currently in a relationship where I constantly try to engage my partner in a conversation, all I get is one word answers and excuses about why he isn’t available to talk right now, when I get frustrated and angry he tells me i’m over reacting and... View more

I’m currently in a relationship where I constantly try to engage my partner in a conversation, all I get is one word answers and excuses about why he isn’t available to talk right now, when I get frustrated and angry he tells me i’m over reacting and i’m imagining it all because he does talk. I can’t tale it anymore i feel I’m going mad !!!!!

SoniaR Need help
  • replies: 3

I left my husband last year. Not long after we were married he slept with another man and then told me. I stayed for a few years thinking I was doing the right thing by my children. I literally only had sex with him a hand full of times after that as... View more

I left my husband last year. Not long after we were married he slept with another man and then told me. I stayed for a few years thinking I was doing the right thing by my children. I literally only had sex with him a hand full of times after that as it was literally making feel ill even touching him. When I left I moved into a rental cause he wouldn’t move out. My 11 year old daughter moved with me but my teenage son stayed with his dad. My son has not stayed with my overnight since I left but my daughter goes to him every second weekend. We are only now going down the legal root cause we can’t do anything but argue about everything. We tried meditation he cancelled that, he just wants to fight me on everything. He was the one who messed up are marriage yet he is still in the family home with all its contents and has the kids more than I do. I am feeling so helpless at the moment and don’t know what to do.

Zared Stayed in a relationship too long.
  • replies: 2

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, since we were both teenagers (now 23). She's an incredibly kind, caring, and intelligent woman that I care about. However, without going into details for the sake of privacy, I do not feel like I could ... View more

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, since we were both teenagers (now 23). She's an incredibly kind, caring, and intelligent woman that I care about. However, without going into details for the sake of privacy, I do not feel like I could ever marry her/have children/spend my life with her. I'm no longer sexually attracted to her like I was and I feel attraction to other people (although I would never cheat). The kicker is that I've felt this way for ~2 years now, but I've stayed in the relationship. As a career driven young person I think it's been easy to use the rationship to keep me focused on climbing the ladder at work without distractions. Now at 23, I know that I need to end this relationship but I feel totally lost regarding how to go about it. We share a room together in share accomodation with shared possessions, play social sport together and share social groups. Additionally, we both moved in together straight out of home as teenagers as my girlfriend's family were emotionally (and to a degree physically) abusive. Although I know it's not my responsibility, I worry about the emotional impact and my girlfriend's ability to manage the breakup. I feel that my girlfriend is emotionally relient on me and often on the edge of depression. Also, after getting into a long term, serious relationship at such a young age, I think I just don't know how to end one. I was a teenager who could barely muster up the confidence to ask a girl out, so I think the same may apply now to ending this relationship with obviously much greater impact. I understand that being in this relationship is doing a disservice to both of us and that ending it is the right thing to do, but I just... can't. I'm reaching out to try and get the ball rolling. Hopefully receiving some advice might be the kick-start I need to do the right thing? Thank you for any help in advance! It's much appreciated

helmetel My boyfriend is on anti-depressants and wants to break up
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend is on a new anti-depressant. This was about four months ago. He's had a terrible reaction to it - greatly increased anxiety and depression. He's had to miss a lot of work because it's been so bad. Whenever he would talk to his psychiatri... View more

My boyfriend is on a new anti-depressant. This was about four months ago. He's had a terrible reaction to it - greatly increased anxiety and depression. He's had to miss a lot of work because it's been so bad. Whenever he would talk to his psychiatrist she would tell him to keep pushing, and they would put his dose up. He's been on the current dose for about a month and has become very hostile and resentful towards me. We used to be so happy but now he says he doesn't like me any more and he can't see the relationship working out. I don't know what to do. He's not himself at the moment and I don't want to end the relationship over something that can be fixed. It's so hard though. He's seeing a different psychiatrist tomorrow because his usual one is unavailable. I'm hoping they have some different suggestions

Zazu I just walked away
  • replies: 2

I've just walked out on my 5 month old and husband. I didn't want to. I don't know what else to do. I'm too angry, all the time. My shouting made my baby cry. I'm not good for him, for either of them. My anger is always there, always ready to burst o... View more

I've just walked out on my 5 month old and husband. I didn't want to. I don't know what else to do. I'm too angry, all the time. My shouting made my baby cry. I'm not good for him, for either of them. My anger is always there, always ready to burst out at the slightest thing. I tried counselling, but couldn't talk about what really matters. I did what I always do and talked a heap of shit to make the therapist think I was saying everything when I was really saying nothing at all. I want to go back but I don't know how. My husband will just act like everything is normal, brush past it and suggest that I need his mother to look after my baby more, because I can't cope. Everyone else can be a good parent Why can't I?