Do I allow cheating husband to move back in?

[38years]

Its been 5 weeks since my husband's affair and he has since moved out to give me my space. It was my decision that he moves out, but the problem is that his air bnb lease is up in about 10 days and quite honestly, although i love him, I dont know whether i am ready for him to move back in as there is too much pain and hurt. Unfortunately though, given covid and the fact that i was retrenched, we cannot afford to live separately. However, if we does move back in, it will be to live in separate rooms. Do you think this is a good idea? I just think having him in the same house in a different bedroom, will be very awkward for all of us. It will be like this big white elephant in the room? I just dont know what to do? Any suggestions??

[Aaronsis]

Hello 38years

I am so very sorry that you are going through this, I can hear your pain and your confusion and I am pleased that you have found yourself here to reach out to get some support and some comfort.

Ultimately this decision is yours, you need to do what is right by you and what is best for your family. I am a strong believer in "gut feelings", I usually make alot of my decisions in life by the premise "if it feels wrong it usually is". Now in saying that I am in no way trying to make a choice for you, just to point out that your inner self will help you more than you know.

I am also of the belief that we do make mistakes in life, that people do deserve a second chance. I don't know the circumstances around your husbands affair and nor is it my place to, however, hopefully you do know the details and once again make a choice based on how you feel, how this has left you feeling and if in fact you can recover from it. With some counselling and some hard work you may be able to rebuild and regain trust and your relationship back, it may even be better than before, now this is out in the open and has been addressed.

Is there a friend or family member that he could stay with so as not to "make you feel" like there is pressure for him to move back in due to finances. You want to have him back when the trust and the relationship is ready, not due to financial or other pressures.

I hope to chat some more to you 38years, and I am sure that there will be other members here too that will offer some support and some help along the way.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[SarahZ]

Hello 38years,

Thanks for reaching out. I'm really sorry to hear about your husbands affair and I can't imagine how hurtful and painful that must have been for you. It sounds like you are in a really difficult position right now with some big decisions to make. I agree with @Aaronsis that going with your "gut feeling" to get a sense of what is a better choice is helpful. I don't think there is necessarily a right or wrong choice, there's just a usually a better choice; and better as in, what is better for you and your mental health. In this case, I think it would be helpful really reflecting on the benefits, risks, and even negatives of your husband moving back in. Do you think you have had enough time to process things and determine what you want to do with your marriage going forward? If he moves back in there is the potential that your decisions may be clouded?

Wishing you all the best and here if you ever need to talk ~

[Sophie_M]

Hi 38years, we're so sorry to hear how tense things are between you and your husband. We know this must be such a difficult time for you. We can see you that have a previous thread on this topic and would prefer you to continue to seek support there. We're going to close this thread off and ask that you keep to the one thread below: "I love him, but is it enough to stay married after his cheating?"
Keeping to one thread per topic makes it easier for members to keep up with your story, and saves you having to repeat information.