Desperation mother with 14yr old daughter!

[Joey28]

My 14yr daughter is sexual active. She had a scare that she might be pregnant but she wasn't.

She still trying her hardest to be with this boy who by the sound of it trying to offer her the world but they are both young.

It's been the last 6mths or more that she has been showing signs or withdrawal and being absent. She starts crying for no reason and often is having panic attacks.

Her mood can turn from being happy one minute to rather depressed the other. She gone to lying and making up stories that are far from the truth.

I don't want to give up on my girl I love her very much but I just don't know what else to do.

[Guest909]

Hi Joey

I don't have children, but from my experience with friends that do, your daughter is going through a rebellious stage. I've been told it is more common with girls, but that is only antidotal evidence. In time, she will grow through this stage.

In the meantime, have you had a discussion about contraception. In view of the recent scare, a visit to your doctor might be prudent. I agree, she is too young, but it is better than a teenage pregnancy.

Sorry I could not be of more help.

[Betternow]

Hi Joey

The early teenage years can be a rough ride for some parents. My youngest daughter went through a rebellious phase starting at thirteen that lasted about two years. We ended up getting her referred to child psychiatric services that helped her and reduced our anxiety too.

I back up Mr Paul’s suggestion that you start with a sympathetic GP. Some people are against young girls taking the oral contraceptive pill but whatever moral code you adhere to, it’s better than an unwanted pregnancy.

The chances are that the rebellious behaviour may just blow over but in the back of your mind there has to be a concern over illicit drug taking (withdrawal and panic attacks) and perhaps mental health problems. I don’t want to ring alarm bells you but you could investigate youth psychology support through organisations like Headspace.

Good luck.

[SarahZ]

Hello Joey28,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

Just from reading your post I can really tell how much you love and care about your daughter and how you want the very best for her. I'm sure you're daughter must be really grateful to have such a considerate, caring parent like you. The adolescent years are definitely a period of self-discovery and finding independence, which can feeling exciting and daunting all at once. Adolescence is also a period of making mistakes and learning new things. It's great that you're super supportive of your daughter, if you're daughter is open to it, it may also be helpful if she gets in touch with some professional support? Sometimes children prefer and find it easier to talk about their feelings with someone they don't know.

The friendly counsellors at Kids Helpline are always available to talk with her 24/7, on 1800 55 1800 or she can visit https://kidshelpline.com.au for webchat. She can also reach out to the beyondblue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on the website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

Wishing you all the best and sending you positive thoughts 🙂

[MinimoonShadow]

I'm a 14yr girl myself and thought I might give you a view from someone her age. I think It's great that you are concerned with your daughter's wellbeing and it is the first step to help her.

If she's distancing herself from you and lying about what she's doing then I think you should try and reconnect with her, become more of her friend than her parent. let her know that you are there if she needs to talk (if you think she is doing recreational drugs or something similar don't use scare tactics or any threats of repercussions, that will only make her scared of telling you the truth causing her to lie more). Let her know that whatever she is going through you are there to support her and help her get through this tough time in her life. spend some more time with her and try and make it fun and do something that she enjoys. Don't make it feel like a parent wanting to spend more time with their kid and trying to find out what she's doing, make it feel like two friends hanging out and get to know her as a person not as your daughter. Hopefully, she will eventually want to open up to you and ask for some advice and you should give this as a friend, not as a parent telling her to do something.

Try to understand that she is in a very confusing time in her life and is trying to be her own human. In childhood, we are told to do things that we may not want to do, parents tell them to do these things because they care about them and are trying to protect them or keep them safe, but despite your good intentions often in teenage years, we feel trapped and like we're being ordered around like a dog so we rebel and try and become our own person free from the shackles of being bossed around and your attempts at helping her may be met with anger or harsh words, these are born out of fear or other emotions that she doesn't know how to process and should be met with kindness, not anger or punishment, and offer other means of support such as asking if she wants to call a friend and talk about it with them.

I hope this was helpful and best of luck with your daughter