There are a percentage of families that have a person/s with a personality disorder. A personality disorder is not under the same umbrella as a mental illness, a PD is more a part of them, their makeup, how they are. Here, as community champions and many members, we tackle often the situation of denial from members, family individuals that deny outright there is anything wrong with them that needs professional help. If they were to get help they often realise over time that there was an issue and it can in most cases be treated. With a personality disorder like NPD or BPD if the patient was to willingly seek professional help it is quite common for them to stop treatment after a few weeks and in some cases accuse the professional of needing the help. Therein lies the common difference of the two.
It's fabulous when a sufferer of BPD or NPD does seek help and over time gets on with their lives successfully with the needed tolerance of loved ones. That's brave. To acknowledge you have a problem that largely is felt by your family and do something about it not only gives relief to them but it secures your future from a downward spiral. That is crucial and courageous.
So has a loved one asked you to seek medical help for things like- life is turmoil, drama, upset, they might claim you are controlling, manipulative, triangulating, interfering, attention seeking, emotional blackmail or demanding?
When you are cocooned within your family circle eg havent moved away and mingled with other families, you might think some behaviours are normal. I joined the Defence Force at 17yo and quickly was disciplined by my older colleagues for things like rumour spreading, manipulation and overall trouble making. I knew no other way. It soon became clear some things that occurred within my family household I was taught was very wrong. My mother was a good teacher of these practises to my younger sister and over time my sister became a much worse example of what not to do when it came to a calm loyal family environment. After many years of upset that had no obvious reason for it starting including my ruined wedding and losing relatives I hadnt known were manipulated without my knowledge, it all began to make sense. But by this time I was in my 50's. Such can be the enormous turmoil of extreme undiagnosed, unmedicated and untreated people with BPD or NPD.
Some readers might get some insight by googling - queen witch hermit waif. That provides extracts of the book "walking on eggshells' by Dr Christine Lawson. That helped me to understand what I was up against. When all else fails you might have to 'walk away' from the relationship, yet another upset. However it can become an issue of survival, saving your future for happiness. Indeed since the severing of ties to my mother and sister, I spend time daily waiting for the upheaval that never came.
All that could be avoided by removing denial from a probable sufferer of a personality disorder and seeking help. We are here to support those family members and the sufferers no matter what side they exist. If we can remove the stigma and encourage talking about it then there'll be less suffering, the gate to serenity.
TonyWK
