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Dazed and confused

Stephenw
Community Member

Hi all,

firstly I should start by saying I've been living with depression for about 3-4 years...

With treatment and meds its been under control for quite some time, however recently I can feel myself slipping away again...

In the past few years I've had a job loss, marriage breakdown, another short term relationship breakdown, house sale and trying to keep it together is bloody hard work...

Being single as an early 40's guy for the first time in over a decade, I did what most men my age do.....slept with heaps of women....

I guess it was a short term replacement covering grief...

However recently in the past 2yrs I've met a woman that is fallen in love with, however I the past couple of weeks ....a friend of hers caught me on tinder....admittedly it was totally innocence reasons....myself and a work colleague were trying to find another colleague's profile....

Totally childish I know, but now it's cause her to just shutdown, won't see me, won't talk to me, has blocked my calls.....everything....except email..

I can't handle this.....sadly the harder I try to fix things the worse I'm making things...

Shes makes me a better person and I'm a happier person around her...

We would talk or text on a daily basis....I feel totally lost...

I don't know what to do...

She has asked for "time and space" which I'm struggling with...

I don't know what that means and she is not forthcoming with anything other than saying I'm annoying her...

I hate letting things just drag out...if there's a problem I'm determined to try and fix it...

She just shuts down and hoping the issue just goes away...she hards confrontation...

As each day passes I'm getting more confused, agitated and feel like I'm slipping again...

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated...

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Stephen W,

You mentioned "I hate letting things just drag out...if there's a problem I'm determined to try and fix it..." sure, I understand that however we are essentially talking about her response to your action so it is her state of mind and her decisions in wanting time alone that is her wish. You cant have this your way on your terms only. You have to allow for her to carry out her desire for time and space however difficult it is for you.

On the same token you also have different directions you can go like going out and enjoying yourself. If she contacts you after say 2 months and wants to rekindle the relationship then you can decide then if you want to. If its 6 months then there is a serious issue there. eg what happens if a similar issue comes about after you have lived with her for many years?

If you err on an issue that places you in this sort of situation whereby your partner/GF wont communicate with you about it, shuts you out and limits communication then this limits you. It becomes a trust issue and a forgiveness issue rather than the issue that started the whole thing.

And trust and forgiveness is essential to any future.

Tony WK

chociloni
Community Member
Hmm...it doesn't sound innocent what you did on Tinder, whether you were looking for women or not.  It sounds immature for a man in his 40s. Sounds to me like your mental state wasn't completely healed, or deep down you weren't entirely ready for this relationship, and this is why you have attracted bad news. Best to get yourself in a better position first before you get into more chaos.