Daughter problems

[Shaz1]

Hi

I have my adult daughter living with me whom is causing me huge stress.

She has been given an amount of rent to pay (by housing) and won't pay me the money so I'm having to pay it. She pays for nothing in the household. And declares she shouldn't have to pay her way. Sometimes i am left with no money not even for food, she will buy a little for herself or get takeaway and not anyone else touch it.

I have asked her to move out, she said no. (many, many times)

She also puts me down a lot, (and her sisters) i can't take much more. I am scared in my own house. Its like living with my ex, she says all the things he used to. Then just as i hit a point of "losing" it she will suddenly she will become all nice again. (same as ex used to do)

Maybe if i try and sort this out, ill be able to start working on other areas.

Shaz

[Kathryne]

Hi Shaz

Welcome to beyond blue, I am sorry to read of your struggles with your daughter.

Obviously your daughter has learnt her behaviour from your ex, and clearly expects to receive the same response as he received!

How do your other daughters cope with this abuse . And yes it is abuse , abuse of your mother/daughter relationship as well as sibling relationship.

Have you spoken with a counsellor?

What about having her rent money taken directly from her account ?

It sounds like you have a number of issues to resolve, would a family discussion help?

Could she live with her father.?

Stand strong and attempt to not get involved in her triades.

Call housing ( I am assuming its housing commission) and request that they deal with the issue of rent money,

It is hard when its your child wether they are a baby or adult to see them suffering sometimes you just have to let them fail so they can grow.

Regards Kathryne

[Shaz1]

Hi Kathryne,

Thanks for replying to me.

I don't like confrontation and back away from situations. I have told her endless times I'm struggling, she laughs or ignores me.

Over the past few years she took on the "mum" role because I've been unwell with mental health. So it's hard to get back that "power"

She can't live with her dad, he got married again very quickly and the new wife kicked her out. She also won't let my other children in the house unless their dad is home. She allegedly yells ALOT.

My other daughters are also scared of their sister. she does tend to put them down.

I know I do have to address this issue soon but I also have problems leaving the house, looking after myself, calling people. I don't have friends or family to talk. And I've started "freezing up" when talking to physcologist which makes me feels worse.

Thanks again