FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Dad doesn't take urgent issues seriously, gets angry when we want them addressed

Doberman38
Community Member

This doesn't apply to everything, and I know that certainly in an emergency he wouldn't hesitate, but when it comes to the electrical and plumbing systems of the house he shows little desire to get them fixed, despite numerous problems. A pipe has been leaking water for ages, while lightbulbs are failing one by one and our safety switch has tripped multiple times. He hardly takes anything I say about these things seriously, because he attributes it all to my anxiety and thinks I'm just being influenced by my mum. In fact, he becomes LESS inclined to do something about it.

My concerns are not delegitimised just because I have anxiety, and when I bring it up to him I am calm but firm, NOT panicking, but he treats it all the same. I love him but I've had enough of my input being invalidated in this way.

5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi again

I noted in one of your previous posts that you are in your 20's. I suggested then that it might be time to consider moving out, have you considered it?

I'm not being opushy about it but these sorts of issues are best eft to those that create them.

People range far and wide with their tolerances, things like hoarding items for example- I cant stand hoarders!. It drives me nuts (LOL). So could I live with a hoarder that never throws disused items out? not at all. Could I live with someone that isnt considerate? lazy? talks religion all the time when they know I'm an atheist?, expects handouts? No to all of them.

The other thing I's like to mention is- in your 20's you are old enough to change a light bulb especially when he leaves the house. Persuasive action sometimes is a way of accomplishing a task eg when he's at work have an electrician attend, fix the short that trips the safety switch and place the account/bill on the table... "whats this"? he'll ask "Its the electricians bill for the short in the wiring, if I didnt organise it our house could burn down..."

Your input could be invalidated but another possibility is he doesnt like to face chores, organising the simplest of tasks could be difficult for him.... a mental block if you will. It happens to some that get older, our drive is warped rather than a "can do" attitude.

TonyWK

Thank you very much, Tony. I'm sorry I didn't reply to my earlier thread relating to my parents (I was intending to but I got overwhelmed by other worriesπŸ˜…), but I think this will apply to both your responses.

I have considered moving out, but there are a number of reasons which make it impractical at the moment. I am very unskilled at certain everyday tasks at the moment (e.g cooking, cleaning, finances), so my parents do an awful lot for me. I know this can be addressed, but it can't happen in the blink of an eye.

In regard to the electrician situation, do you think casually showing him reliable sources saying why an electrician would be recommended in these circumstances would be a good idea, because that's where I'm leaning to at the moment. Thank you πŸ™‚

Oh yes, I absolutely agree, he's certainly like that with a LOT of things. He's slow to do anything which requires effort. I certainly share that trait myself to some extent, but I guess it's probably heightened by his age.

I feel a whole lot calmer about the whole situation now.

Hi D

You would know best how to approach him but you could google rhetorical safety and print it out or simply book an electrician and get the work done. On safety issues it should not be delayed.

Whatever the reason , doing nothing isn't an option.

TonyWK

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Doberman, I agree with everything Tony has said, I couldn't live with a hoarder, lazy someone that isnt considerate? lazy? talks religion all the time when they know I'm an atheist because it would break me, that's why I live by myself.

The only way to learn how to cook is to be thrown into the deep end, you will learn very quickly by the achievements and especially by the mistakes you make, even if you have to cook the same every meal, that's when you want to change.

The pipe that's been leaking is going to cause more damage to the wall, the floor and to the cupboard, meaning unless it's fixed everything will need to be replaced, costing your dad more money or you could do as Tony has again suggested, get a plumber in to fix the problem and place the bill on the table, saying 'you're lucky it's been fixed now'.

If you do move out, your parents can still do the finances for you, but most bills can be paid automatically.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Doberman38
Community Member

Thank you guys for your very helpful replies.

Good news, he's taking it more seriously now and we're gonna get an electrician soon.

I definitely will be bettering my skills in the meantime.