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Confused about us

Community Member

I am so confused about our marriage and have been since nearly past 2 years. We were so much in love, but it just doesn’t exist anymore. We don’t talk much and I don’t feel any emotional connection between us.
I guess one of the biggest reason our relationship was great was because he use to be very calm, loving and full of positive emotions. But it has all changed, he has now become repulsive, and snaps. He blames me for his behaviour change and believes that I have been dominating him since our marriage and now he doesn’t want that.
He doesn’t understand that his snapping behaviour is causing us emotional grief. I go through sleepless nights. We have lost all intimacy and emotional balance in our marriage. The only time we talk is if we need something done at home.

Every time I try to talk to him, he says he understands that things are not the same but we will work it out. I have told him that this whole relationship turmoil is leading me to have an affair where I can find someone to emotionally support me. And all he says is that it’s fine and I am an adult who can make their own decision.
I don’t understand if our relationship will go back to what it was or not? I love him, what can I do to fix it?

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Indoz~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum and sympathize greatly with your position, to go from a loving marriage to two years where you are treated without love and warmth is a heart-breaking thing. No intimacy, harsh words and blame, it is no wonder you have sleepless nights.

While I'm not sure mentioning the possibility of an affair is going to work as you want I'd expect it would have let him know the depth of your distress.

As the person on the spot I guess you judgment is the one that 's needed.

Do you see any means by which you can turn your husband's behavior and emotions around? At present he sounds rather hostile. Then again he may genuinely believes he has been dominated. It's hard to know.

If you do think there is hope then maybe going beyond mere talk and having sessions together with a marriage councilor may be helpful. Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 can be very skilled in this sort of situation.

Please let me know what you think


Community Champion
Community Champion

P.S. Sorry, I was called away and had to finish quickly. I did want to ask you one other thing if that's OK, are you having to face this all by yourself or do you have any personal support, a family member or friend perhaps? It may well be a hard subject to bring up if they are unaware, however the mere fact you can talk frankly to another makes a great deal of difference.

When I first became ill I was very hard to live with and my wife's mum became her emotional and practical support, it gave her the strength to deal with a distressing situation