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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ConfusedNanxious My need for independence, but the voice inside my head is my Mum's
  • replies: 24

I am currently going through an anxiety episode, and what exacerbates things is that I have a lot of self doubt, and I feel that it comes from my inner values which conflict with my Mum's own values. My mum is more of a realist and values independenc... View more

I am currently going through an anxiety episode, and what exacerbates things is that I have a lot of self doubt, and I feel that it comes from my inner values which conflict with my Mum's own values. My mum is more of a realist and values independence over everything else. And I am more of a dreamer who values love and forgiveness as my core values. Whenever I am confronted with a decision that requires me to follow my head and heart, I often get anxious because what I want can often conflict with my mum's ideal picture for me. The case in point is me contemplating reuniting with my ex (we separated due to the effects of his depression on our relationship, but he is now seeking treatment). i even doubt whether some of my own thoughts are my own, or are influenced to a large degree by what my Mum wants. I am not overly sure why I have become conditioned to act this way, it may be because my Mum has taken a more proactive (possibly overbearing) role in my life because she was (is) a child with 11 other siblings and she wants me to have the things that she never did. I just want to be able to develop my own self confidence to be able to be comfortable in my own decisions, for my own life. I initially thought the way I was feeling was my need to move out of the family home again, and just have my own physical independence (which would help to a certain degree because I wouldn't have her looking over my shoulder all the time), but her opinions and influence are really deep seated within my subconscious and it causes so much inner conflict. Any similar stories, or advice? It would be greatly appreciated.

MJthrice Christmas Sucks
  • replies: 2

Went out to dinner with in-laws on Xmas eve, I was driving so nothing to drink for me.Wife had more than enough for both of us. We planned to stay at the in-laws that night with the kids so we got home c10pm and put the kids to bed and stayed up to c... View more

Went out to dinner with in-laws on Xmas eve, I was driving so nothing to drink for me.Wife had more than enough for both of us. We planned to stay at the in-laws that night with the kids so we got home c10pm and put the kids to bed and stayed up to chat and have a few drinks. Around 11 we call it a night, but wait there is still presents to wrap. In-laws go off to bed . I get setup wrapping, however wife can’t remember what present she brought for what kid and starts raising her voice. Dad comes down and tells us both to shut up as mum can’t get to sleep. wife then picks up her bag and the car keys calls me a few expletives and says she is going home and walks outside starts packing the car. i go out and tell her she can’t drive ( drunk as) she insists she is Dina and is taking the kids and going. short story - father in law eventually comes down and a yelling match ensues which turns into a scuffle. I step in and break them up. She calls police . Police come and she explains she is trying to take her kids home. police tell her she is drunk and can’t take the sleeping kids .... and she needs to go else where and sleep it off. Not happy Jan !!!! All of a sudden it’s become my fault for the whole incident ... I should have protected her , knowing she was drunk , and woken the kids up once in-law told us to be quiet and driven my family home. after the kids woke up I packed up the car and drove them to her at 9am Xmas morning. now she is refusing to let me in the house, has changed all the locks and said she will never forgive me and wants to seperate.. of course there are other factors here. Christmas the day every kid looks forward too, a time for celebrating with your kids and family has just become the saddest day of my life. I am truly gutted ... don’t know how I’m going to move past this.... it’s the small things - cuddles first thing in the morning from the kids, reading books at night before they go to bed, there the things I miss the most ... Im so emotional .. can’t stop crying every time I think about my family. I can’t understand how she can just project all blame onto others, accept no responsibility and be prepared to break up our family so flippantly, so cold, clinically with no emotion. in her eyes there are no other options, not willing to discuss or go get any counselling... it’s just how it needs to be ! Christmas is forever going to be the worst day of the year !!

Steves_87 Re New Relationship
  • replies: 7

So what I’m after is more advice than anything. Over a week ago I decided that I had to move on from the girl that I was with for 3mnths after she just ended things abruptly. I was going to do a casual set up with thing with girls but in reality I’m ... View more

So what I’m after is more advice than anything. Over a week ago I decided that I had to move on from the girl that I was with for 3mnths after she just ended things abruptly. I was going to do a casual set up with thing with girls but in reality I’m not that type of guy. I want to find love again especially after my marriage breakdown this year. I want to feel that love with someone again I love the whole concept of love. So I met this really awesome girl on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for over a week and Friday just gone we had our very first date and I was completely blown away by her. I felt instant chemistry and attraction with her. We went out to dinner and then a movie and after being nervous the whole day about meeting her once we met and starting chatting everything just felt natural. It was the most amazing night I’ve ever had. It was really special so much so she said she wanted to see me again to which I was so excited that it went so well. I feel this girl is someone I can build something really amazing with. I guess I’m impatient and want things to happen quickly and I know deep down I need to take it steady but she’s on my thoughts constantly. We’ve organised to see each other again next Wednesday and I’m planning on something really amazing for New Years. I guess the advice I’m after is should I just go with the flow. Do I tell her how I feel. Do I ask her if we are a couple. I think she has feelings for me and is comfortable after the first date. Thank you for reading

Darkfairy91 Struggling with husbands depression
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been through so much together so I thought we would make it through this one but I am really struggling with his attitude towards everything. In March my father in law left a note on our front door which I saw first saying he is... View more

My husband and I have been through so much together so I thought we would make it through this one but I am really struggling with his attitude towards everything. In March my father in law left a note on our front door which I saw first saying he is moving back to England (where he was born) and not coming back. I was the one who had to tell my husband his dad has just up and left everyone without warning. My mother in law a few years ago was diagnosed with early onset dementia, she is 54. She is currently at a stage where she tries to cook toast on a hot plate. It took me months to convince my husband to see a psychologist. Now it is December, he has been angry all the time, he sleeps as much as he can and the romance has gone out the window. I have been through depression myself I know it’s hard but no matter how I try and help him it doesn’t change a thing. It feels like sex is the only thing we do together anymore and after stumbling on his porn a couple of nights ago it feels as though I am not good enough for him in that respect either. All I feel the last 2-3 months is unwanted and not good enough. Since I have been feeling like this I feel I have been less of a mother to my children. I don’t know how much longer I can keep taking it all. Part of me feels it would be better if my husband and I separated.

Mikkyk Alone At Xmas
  • replies: 8

G'day Everyone, Just wondering if anyone else out there is spending Xmas alone? Partner of 10 years springs on me that she is spending Xmas with her adult son and his gf this year, takes the little money we had and gone. No prior discussion, no plann... View more

G'day Everyone, Just wondering if anyone else out there is spending Xmas alone? Partner of 10 years springs on me that she is spending Xmas with her adult son and his gf this year, takes the little money we had and gone. No prior discussion, no planning, Just up and gone. I battle with anexity & depression....this has really knocked me for a 6.

manila My mum has depression
  • replies: 2

My mum has been diagnosed with depression for as long as I can remember. She takes daily medication and will see a psychologist when she feels out of control. Over the past year her depression is severely worsening, and now she won’t speak to myself ... View more

My mum has been diagnosed with depression for as long as I can remember. She takes daily medication and will see a psychologist when she feels out of control. Over the past year her depression is severely worsening, and now she won’t speak to myself or my brother. All of her answers consist of one word, she is hardly eating and asks us to leave her alone when we try to support her. Last night she said ‘I don’t know how I am going to do this’ and I am so worried that she going to harm herself/take her own life. When I asked her what that meant, she didn’t respond. We constantly remind her that we love her, that we are there for her and that we will work through everything together, but we just aren’t getting through. She said that she is too upset to see her psychologist, and needs time to herself but I am scared to leave her alone. What can I do to help her? She has spent the past five days in bed and when I spoke to her about how I am worried, she didn’t say anything. I don’t have depression myself but I am struggling with supporting her and don’t want to lose her.

nadssss_ Relationship over due to lying/ cheating. How to fix it
  • replies: 5

A week ago I got super drunk at my work Christmas party and kissed a work colleague who was not my boyfriend (now ex) My ex and I were having problems beforehand and I used that as an out by cheating. I regret my actions deeply and I told my ex what ... View more

A week ago I got super drunk at my work Christmas party and kissed a work colleague who was not my boyfriend (now ex) My ex and I were having problems beforehand and I used that as an out by cheating. I regret my actions deeply and I told my ex what happened and he broke it off (as expected) but he didn’t break it off only because of the kiss ,he broke it off because of my constant lying too. I have struggled with persistent lying even lying about little things that someone doesn’t need to lie about. I didn’t tell my then boyfriend that I was still talking to my ex , I didn’t tell him about my religious views. I realised I was on a bad path and I was treating him badly while together but it’s like I couldn’t stop, I was on toxic path and I knew I was ,but it’s like I couldn’t change it. And then finally the bad behaviour caught up to me when the events of the cheating happened . It was a wake up call that I needed help. I don’t want to play victim here and I realise I’m at fault and all the things that happened, I did them, but now I want to make amends for all the bad things that happened . I want to stop lying ,I want to be truthful , I never want to cheat again it was the biggest mistake of my life, I want to repair what’s left of my relationship if there’s any hope of a reconciliation between my ex and I , I want to be better but I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where and how to get help. I don’t know how I am going to get my ex to ever trust me again. Like why should he trust me, I broke his trust many times. But I love him and we were so happy and we were planning our future together and I don’t want to lose that over a drunken mistake and the fact that I can’t seem to be honest. I am just so lost but I need hope in order to keep fighting. I need hope that I will get better and that I’m not just a lost cause. I need hope that I won’t be like this forever because I can’t live like this.

scully78 How to identify what is depression or what is lack of interest
  • replies: 14

Hello, I recently met a man who I think is really kind and sweet. We have had only one date together and were in daily contact via text message ever since. He told me he suffers depression and ptsd due to recent trauma. We met up about 3 weeks ago an... View more

Hello, I recently met a man who I think is really kind and sweet. We have had only one date together and were in daily contact via text message ever since. He told me he suffers depression and ptsd due to recent trauma. We met up about 3 weeks ago and his messaging has decreased, especially in the last week. I messaged him 3 days ago and haven't heard back from him. We are not in a relationship and are still at the friendship stage, but how do I know if him ignoring my message Is a sign of disinterest or his depression? He seemed very interested at first and was planning to do things together in the future, but nothing has eventuated. Now communication is scarce and I don't know what to do. I know he is struggling and probably needs space, so I won't message him back until he responds to my last text, in which I made my interest in him clear. Have I potentially scared him off? How do I know if im being a burden? How do I know he even wants to keep communicating with me. I know he has been online, but isn't reading my last message and this isn't the first time he has done this. Its the second in 3 weeks. Is that a bad sign?

Guest_598 Falling back in love when love is gone?
  • replies: 28

Hi All, when someone has fallen out of love with a person, has moved out a year ago, says the trust and attraction are gone, wants to move on but feels obligated to do the right thing (i.e. giving the old partner a chance to talk through all issues),... View more

Hi All, when someone has fallen out of love with a person, has moved out a year ago, says the trust and attraction are gone, wants to move on but feels obligated to do the right thing (i.e. giving the old partner a chance to talk through all issues), told their old partner they wouldn't date or marry them given the person they are today, and there is another person they have feelings for, is it likely that the love for the old partner comes back when they spend a few (2-3) weeks with together? Or is this likely the end and the meeting serves more the purpose of showing it's over and planning a clean separation?

MJthrice Losing weight
  • replies: 2

So I had a medical issue recently and the Dr advised I could loose some weight , get fit and cut back alcohol. So I joined a gym and started exercising every day, cut down in sugars and alcohol. i hit my target weight loosing 8% of my body weight in ... View more

So I had a medical issue recently and the Dr advised I could loose some weight , get fit and cut back alcohol. So I joined a gym and started exercising every day, cut down in sugars and alcohol. i hit my target weight loosing 8% of my body weight in 2 months. Thought my partner would be happy for me as she has been saying for a while I needed to loose weight. in fact I thi me the words were ‘your obese‘. Except the best I got was ‘ you still have all that belly fat’ Feeling very depressed that all that effort is going unnoticed it not recognised , was expecting some encouragement .