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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MollyLenz I don't know what's wrong with me
  • replies: 1

Hi I am joining this community because I no longer know where to turn. I have struggled with what feels to me to be some sort of depression where I experience periods (~1 year long) where I lose all sense of self, lack energy for anything, become ove... View more

Hi I am joining this community because I no longer know where to turn. I have struggled with what feels to me to be some sort of depression where I experience periods (~1 year long) where I lose all sense of self, lack energy for anything, become overwhelmed with constant suicidal thoughts, feel too anxious and depleted to study, function, get out of bed and make plans, start crying out of the blue, eat or fast excessively to try to feel better, and feel like the world has become a pointless grey with all of the aspects of life and my surroundings merging into one boring entity, rather than the diversity of excitement and enjoyment they used to be. I can't focus on a task for long and I can't talk to people without constantly changing topic. Everything around me depresses and upsets me. In the past I have struggled with anorexia and this is a constant thing I have been dealing with on a background level for the past 7-8 years, it never fully goes away. About a month or two ago my (now ex) boyfriend and I broke up. These feelings of grey dullness crept in before our breakup, in about December, but now they are stronger than they were even then. I felt lonely in the relationship and I feel lonely now too. My ex would rarely talk to me when we weren't physically together and he criticised me often and reduced my self-esteem down to a crisp even though all I ever wanted to do for him was to build him up and fix what seemed to me to be an unnecessarily fragile self-esteem. My ex shares a dorm and a friendship group with me so moving on from him feels impossible, and seeing him constantly is like having the scab over a gaping wound continually picked away. I think if there was someone next to me who I vibed with fantastically all the time, I would never feel this way, so perhaps it all stems from loneliness. But no matter how many friends I see or how much time I spend with my family or how many friends I make online I still feel awful and alone. And when I sit down to study my mind has time to fester and think over these things that make me feel this way and I start panicking and cannot study anymore. I feel trapped within me and with these thoughts all the time. And sometimes I do feel a bit better, mostly when I am with my friends when my ex isn't around. But when these negative feelings take over I lose all sense of rationality and will to live and I am afraid that one day they will take over to an extent that I won't be able to fight them anymore.

backbacker Too negative person
  • replies: 1

English isnt my first language I have been with my Bf for 5years. We have had same issues for few years. The problem is that my bf thinks that im too negative person. I know i am negative but im trying to be happier. Im very sensitive person, i can't... View more

English isnt my first language I have been with my Bf for 5years. We have had same issues for few years. The problem is that my bf thinks that im too negative person. I know i am negative but im trying to be happier. Im very sensitive person, i can't handle criticism. I have had anxiety since 2012. I visited doctor fo 1or2 sessions who said i have that, but didnt go there anymore and after finishing high school i didnt have very big issues with anxiety, but now when i came to Australia, the Anxiety came out of nowhere. After the first attack, i got one more attack and after that i have been very scared every single day that i will have more attacks. These attacks happening when im at work - for example sometimes we are traveling from one farm to other farm with work bus and im every time afraid that i will get anxiety attack. I dont have just anxiety attack. The thing is that when i first started to have anxiety, i always felt like i need to pee, but now its worster - my stomach start spinning around, i feel like i need to poop. So now im so scared to go work, i have taken one day off because i wasnt able to go work because i was scared i need to go poop while we are driving. Last few times i have been trying to sleep or have been sleeping in a bus, so i wouldnt get any attack. Its not only in the bus. This has been made me very sad and scared. And after i started to have these attacks, i have been fighting with my bf a lot. He critize me a lot. He tells me to do dishishes, clean everything, roll a cigarettes for him. He cooks, because he likes it and he is good at it, i dont cook, because Im not good at it and because im so annoyed about him remaining me very often how i burned one meal. I know that he has been lazy, but it has gotten worster. So im again annoyed and sad that he ask me to do all these things, while he is drinking beer and sitting in computer. I have been stop cleaning like i use to do, because i feel so pressured and sad that he dont put effort into these things. I have been telling him that i dont like how he critize me all the time (compliments are very rare) and i have been saying that we shoud both clean and be equal. Always our figths end that he says that im blaming him for having bad mood always and he saying that im the problem. That i have something wrong with my head and now he saying i may have bipolar disorder, because how i act. How can i stop taking everything into my heart what he is saying. Whats wrong with me?

Jay_C Narcissistic family Intimidation subtle indirect threats
  • replies: 1

Im in a narcissistic family and my mum has this long time friend, ex bf. Now ive blocked out an incident 10 years ago where she asked me to go and "help him" move stuff, drive it from his supposed bikie gang friends place. He told me to wait in a roo... View more

Im in a narcissistic family and my mum has this long time friend, ex bf. Now ive blocked out an incident 10 years ago where she asked me to go and "help him" move stuff, drive it from his supposed bikie gang friends place. He told me to wait in a room i was just sitting in the for atleast 10 mins. He came back and i cant really remember but i think him pointing something out and repeating, getting more passive aggressive to look at something, maybe a police uniform. And i think he said something about his computer being able to track ppl. I remember crying and intimidation theres nothing wrong with my mum. Drove back in probably PTSD and got him a fine for driving past a toll booth which my mum guilted me about. Since then theres been a few times where shes told me i should go and see him cause i argued against her. And somewhere in the convo of him convincing me that im wrong he always mentions about his bikie friends coming down. So whats been happening is indirect threats ive been shutting out Now 2-3 years ago my ex left me and my narc parents started picking up their abuse. So i tell my grandfather that they are emotionally abusing me. He pretending that he misheard and says "using you? dont you use your her all the time" i say no abusing me, emotionally abusing me. "oh i thought you said using, dont your use your mother all the time?" (My mother made me a codependant) and it turns into blameshifting. I say no, emotional abuse kind of like what your doing to me right now. Later my mum guilt trips me about it "what did you do to your grandfather?" I stood up for myself for once Sometime after that im walking down my street and my mums long term friend pulls up to talk to me. Says "I dont mind helping your mum out" weird "...yea, i know" i agreed. And at the end he says his bikie friend and his son are coming down to visit too. So that lead to him going to my driveway rev his engine aggressively and at random times, pretty sure his friend parked to block the driveway once aswell. I also got intimidating stares someone either living with him or next to him. Got PTSD and hyper vigilance. It was at xmas time so not sure if there were other ppl involved but there sure seemed to be a lot of trucks that drove past my place all the time. Hes the boss of a concreting business. She said she cut him off cause of me which i know is a lie. And he comes over sometimes to help my sister Should i be filing a police report or more?

Guest_1584 Does anyone understand my need for space ?
  • replies: 12

Hi to one and all. l'm really hoping this might be a thread that runs awhile because things often get nutted out and lots of ideas get tossed around. So if your a spacey person or just have something to say, please just go for it . l mean it might be... View more

Hi to one and all. l'm really hoping this might be a thread that runs awhile because things often get nutted out and lots of ideas get tossed around. So if your a spacey person or just have something to say, please just go for it . l mean it might be something very uncommon and so this could be it, but l don't really know. l do know though if l don't get a grip on this and figure it out it might end up costing me dearly, again. The problem is , although l absolutely love my gf's company and we co exist beautifully , she's even a reasonably spacey person herself , at times, l just need more. She sometimes says l run from her , ex w said similar, and tbh, sometimes l do but just to get some space and a need to just be on my own again for awhile. l've had this thing my whole life , with friends, family, even my ex w. She'd finally come home from work hadn't seen her since 8 that morning, yet be home 2 or 3 hrs and l'd need to be alone awhile.again And when l am, hrs or even the rest of the night could pass and l'd hardly notice , apart from feeling guilty. lt's very very hard on a relationship and many times l've thought maybe , l just can't be in one. Any friends over the years l could easily move off when it's time, but you know , you can't just consistently keep doing that in a relationship to someone that loves you and naturally wants to be with ya. And l do them , but it's more a sort of when l feel like it thing , that's all. And the amount l feel like , even with any woman l've ever been with, would only be about 30 or 40 % of the time give or take , maybe less. l often , even pass up curling up on the couch with a movie together , by the time it comes around of a night l'm often just needing some alone time again. l can even easily just sleep on my own and l don't even miss them , l actually love the space when l can get it.. l really don't understand why the hell l'm like this or if l could ever change now at this age anyway, or if l should or wth to do about myself or relationship. lt's not a personal thing , l've been this way with anyone l've ever been with and l'm very very fussy so if l'm with her it's because l thoroughly enjoy her , Buttttt, yet l am also like this. Unless l just never met a woman l wouldn't feel like this around, couldn't see that though as l'm like this with anyone everyone. Does anyone have any understanding or experience with this sort of thing , any ideas , thoughts .?

Safe4Eva Request for Help - Family, Work, Health shitting up
  • replies: 3

Your advice will be greatly appreciated! Family issues: - I don't get along with my family (south east asian). Every weekend we get into fights and arguments. They are incredibly strict (9p.m. curfew, no clubbing, no boyfriend, no extracurricular act... View more

Your advice will be greatly appreciated! Family issues: - I don't get along with my family (south east asian). Every weekend we get into fights and arguments. They are incredibly strict (9p.m. curfew, no clubbing, no boyfriend, no extracurricular activities) and we keep butting heads because of this and past family conflicts. - My parents are pushing for me to get married during my early/mid 20s. My older sister (arranged marriage in late 20s) suggests that I should get married soon. - My sister is the perfect child who's never rebelled and followed my parents' requests. The relationship that I've had with my family is toxic. • My mum mentions that her life would be better if I was not born (because of my health problems) • My mum has taught me not to trust anyone but my family (leading to severe trust issues) • If I tell my mum about bad things happening in life, she uses it against me • My sister has always been over-critical of my decisions, or what I say and how I'm perceived by others • Any secrets that I share with my sister go to my parents • My father has mentioned that taking me to the hospital when I get sick is the equivalent to a holiday (the cost, amount of driving, expenses) •Double standards for my sister and I Health Issues: - I have been living with crohn's disease for 15 years. It generally flares due to stress - I have to be very careful with hours of sleep, with what I eat and amount of stress I take on. - My mum has mentioned to keep my health problem as a secret because it would be looked down upon or no one from our community would marry me if they knew this. Job Issues: - I'm working on a Startup focussing on mental health and atm I don't have a steady stream of money. Any savings that I have is used as capital for the Startup. - Working on a Startup is also stressful, and I'm doing it by myself. I am a non-techie and the startup is creating a tech solution. Friends Issues: - If I explain to my friends from childhood about the situation I am in, they are generally quite lost as to what I should do. They try to change conversation (because it makes them feel uncomfotable) with one of my friends mentioning that she compares these situations to her life, making her problems seem insignificant. I feel like everything is going against me rn. I don't feel respected, valued or loved by anyone. Tbh I need to fix up this mess, does anyone have any advice as to where/how I can start? FYI it's expensive to move out where I live.

whose_da_man88 Anxiety/Depression and impacts to people around you
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm in my 2nd year battle with anxiety and depression. Of late I can see this is affecting my partner a lot. I'm struggling through my own battles with the physical symptoms. I feel like s*** and I have withdrawn from a lot of things and I can't ... View more

Hi, I'm in my 2nd year battle with anxiety and depression. Of late I can see this is affecting my partner a lot. I'm struggling through my own battles with the physical symptoms. I feel like s*** and I have withdrawn from a lot of things and I can't commit as I'm worried if I don't hold up. My latest battle is with panic attacks. Clearly i'm not sexually active, I'm less thoughtful and more self-centred and a lot less intimate because of my condition. I'm not sure what my partner is upset about but its clear that it is. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm trying to juggle between myself and the people around me - especially my immediate family. I hear that it can be hard of them too so trying not to blame them for not understanding but I'm now worried my partner will change for the worse, whether to deal with expectations or whether my condition takes them into their own spiral of anxiety/depression. I don't want to lose myself and i dont want to those dearest to me either. Thanks.

melly78 How to deal and live with a binge drinker
  • replies: 3

Hi, i'm desperately seeking some advice. My husband has always had seasons of binge drinking. He doesn't drink daily, or with friends but goes through cycles of having 2 one week, 2 next week, then 4 then a big binge. This has been happening for year... View more

Hi, i'm desperately seeking some advice. My husband has always had seasons of binge drinking. He doesn't drink daily, or with friends but goes through cycles of having 2 one week, 2 next week, then 4 then a big binge. This has been happening for yearsAfter a big binge he goes through what i call a 'shame spiral' spends the day in bed feeling sorry for himself, telling me & our children (age 7 &10 years) that he'll never do it again & he just cant drink. A few weeks pass & it slowly starts again. Years back he was outside in the street naked & hurt...someone called the police & ambulance, my children saw the whole thing, as a result DHHS interviewed my children. He had to see a psychologist who told him he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. Most times this happens when i'm not home & he has a day off. i find him tipsy & i try to keep the kids & house calm so it doesn't end with us arguing. we all pray that he falls asleep so there are no dramas.Yesterday i was at work all day & came home to him very drunk. Both children were home with him & by the time i got home they were both in tears scared. More scared for their dad who they love with their whole hearts, they don't want him to hurt himself. I feel stuck. when things are good, they're great! He's a very loving father & husband Problem is these great times don't last long & happen so frequently that they're now totally being overshadowed by these hard times. He's so bitter & angry with the world & has totally isolated himself from others. He has no 'mates', isn't close to his family members & people who we see occasionally wouldn't feel comfortable approaching him about any of these issues. Mostly i keep them to myself..as i don't want my family to think negatively about him. Basically im wanting to know where to start. He says he wants help but i've told him i can't help him. If he doesn't go see someone or talk to anyone about it..how can i help? Saying he just wont drink only works short term. Would a GP be a place to start? Where can get some support and work out some options for what to do? What should i do with him when hes drunk? I have in the past taken the kids to my parents and we've slept there.. but then they stress all night if dad is ok Plus its not fair to them to have to leave their bed and involve others in his problems. I feel so alone and i don't know where to start with keeping my children safe and also keep our family together. thanks for any advice regards, Melly

DS17 Being isolated at work
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I am woman in my mid 40s who has previously suffered severe anxiety and depression. More recently I had been relatively well but feel myself relapsing due to what is happening at work. I come home most nights emotionally drained and sometimes... View more

Hi all, I am woman in my mid 40s who has previously suffered severe anxiety and depression. More recently I had been relatively well but feel myself relapsing due to what is happening at work. I come home most nights emotionally drained and sometimes in tears. I am also having trouble sleeping. I work for a large organisation that has a terrible culture and where I have seen people been treated poorly. It is also rife with cliques. There has been a recent restructure and there have been changes and I now find myself in a small team of 3 plus one other person who works closely with our area and who is considered as unofficially the fourth member of the team. That fourth member is the ring leader of what is happening. These team members have begun leaving me out both in terms of going for coffee and lunch and they are communicating electronically amongst themselves via a chat functionality we have with our emailing system, called Lync. I know that they are communicating amongst themselves as it very obvious. It makes me feel uncomfortable as I often wonder if it is about me. Also, they do not include me in the open banter nor work related discussion in our open plan. As I am being ignored and deliberately left out I have tried engaging in conversation and have received clipped monoslavatic responses. So I summed up the courage and I asked the question whether there was something wrong or whether I have done something to offend inadvertently and was brushed off with its just work and being busy, which is not the case. I am reluctant to raise it with my manager as I don't think she is likely to do anything and she is also located interstate. Therefore she is not around to see what is happening. I wonder whether this exclusion is a form of bullying or whether I am being overly sensitive. This situation is taking its toll on me mentally and I feel myself slipping back into mental illness. I'm looking for any advice or coping strategies.... Thanking you kindly DS17

Sarah_Baby_Girl Newly pregnant
  • replies: 1

I have been so sick during pregnancy that I HATE the experience. Being 32 and the last of my friends to have a baby people always told me being pregnant is the best thing in the world! Or they loved being pregnant Well I’m not feeling the love at all... View more

I have been so sick during pregnancy that I HATE the experience. Being 32 and the last of my friends to have a baby people always told me being pregnant is the best thing in the world! Or they loved being pregnant Well I’m not feeling the love at all! I’m so negative about it! I don’t want my husband to touch me or be near me. And this is quite sad because we love each other but anytime he comes near me I want to be sick or I am sick. I told work and they reduced my hours to 4 hours a week! So I’ve now basically moved back in with my parents and am spending all day night in bed with the family dog only coming out to eat. My poor husband took up a second job to get us more money due to my rubbish workplace cutting my hours he is always trying to check in on me and I find that annoying. Just hoping others felt like this at some time during pregnancy We wanted a baby this was planned why do I feel so negative and want to be left alone

Billyc Taking illicit substances and falling into an altered state of mind while married and in a loving relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, here goes. I’ve separated from my wife 3 years ago, due to ongoing issues I had with drug addiction. Mostly Ice. It lasted for about 2 years, I made several attempts to get clean but somehow found a way back. we had a good home and were very much... View more

Hi, here goes. I’ve separated from my wife 3 years ago, due to ongoing issues I had with drug addiction. Mostly Ice. It lasted for about 2 years, I made several attempts to get clean but somehow found a way back. we had a good home and were very much in love. the shame was unbearable at the time. and to make it worse, I went to defensive mode, I couldn’t handle the anger that came from her, and started being very responsive toward her confrontation of the situation. its now been 3 years clean! But... Ive lost the house and spent Lot of money on lawyers with a financial separation. Lost my car and job. Also lost all our mutual friends who at one point were my best friends. I’ve actually spent the past two years taking it out on them as I felt they facilitated an expensive and long drawn out separation. I still feel immense guilt and shame and it Consumes my mind everyday. I recently tried to return to work and got a good job, and apparently impressed, but every day I would show up with crippling anxiety, I found it very hard turn my head when someone approached me, I would feel like I was shaking and they could see it. one day one of the directors asked me to join him and get a coffee, walking back my hand holding the coffee would tremble and I’d spill it, we stopped three times to clean up the spill. I told him the cup was too hot... I would hide out in the toilet for 10 mins to catch my breath. And stop trembling, after a while I just stopped showing up. So they’ve given me time out.. which means I’ve lost my contract, they did say they liked having me and wished I could continue with them. So theirs prospect of more work with them. My main issues though are centralised around the devastation of my separation, and my petulant behaivior toward one and all thereafter. I am now alone and with friends. I feel like this is what I deserve. I’m 41 now and am starting all over again in all facets of my life, I’m territiary educated so it’s not a complete disaster! Albeit the crippling patterns of anxiety and complete lack of sleep each and every night. Thanks