Complicated grief

[Guest_322]

Hi,

So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing.

Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's often at the back of my mind.

When she was around, I used to write a lot. I lived in my own head. Imagination was my escape.

But when she passed away, something inside me died too. I stopped writing, and I barely engage in any sort of creative writing these days. I'm fine with uni assessments and stuff like that but I don't really write creatively if that makes any sense.

It feels weird but it feels as though I've lost some of my ability to imagine and create, which I'm sad about, and the turning point was her passing.

Most days I feel okay- as in I have somewhat accepted- my past and her passing. But some days, like last night, I suddenly felt like I was 5 again, and just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry.

And the hardest part is sometimes I think that I'm doing okay but then it sort of all starts hurting again (and I often can't pinpoint the trigger). And I remember.

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi Mrs. Dools,

I'm glad you've found ways to help you get through the very difficult times. Love your resilience!

I'm glad you're really getting into your painting. I LOVE art although I tend to love almost anything creative. Hopefully your artsy investments pay off and that the paper is worth paying a little more for 😊

Happy painting!

Dottie x

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie and all,

The local shop didn't have any paper I was after, I will have to wait another day until I have an opportunity to buy decent paper in the next closet store about 45 kilometres away!

My resilience is a little low today! I will need to pick us as my Mum is staying with us for three days so she can attend some medical appointments in the city...about 100 kilometres away one way. I will be driving her.

My Mum and husband don't get on all that well, so it is going to be interesting trying to keep them both happy or the mood will go really sour and I can't cope with that right now!

Maybe I could suggest they both do some painting....Ha. Ha.

[Cornstarch]

Dots I know you replied to me somewhere and I can't find it so I thought I'd save myself the worry and just reply here. I hope this does not 'complicate' things on your thread about complicated relatives.

You flatter me. I let out a guilty, guilty laugh when you said that I 'should work with people your age', because just prior, I was admiring a lovely 22 year old brunette online. Some photo was posted of her and her girlfriend after the US election. I said Corn, you're a dirty old women. I am over the age of 35 but I am not 40, so there ya' go. I forget my age, and then I see someone my age, say in a doctors surgery or something when they give the secretary their birth date, and I think to myself, God! do I look that old. Photos are very telling things unfortunately and the more life I live the more I realise that chronological does not always count for much. Maybe in a very lame way I am just trying to excuse my above said interest. Ha! It's Friday, you'll forgive me.

I really do hope that you have the most splendiferous summer. That you get to chill out a bit, the flat mates aren't too annoying and that Christmas with the oldies is.........bearable. Can we expect anything more? I dunno.

Enjoy the tunes you're bopping out to and who knows a Summerance may very well happen Dots. You never know.

Stay Amaze xxxxx

[Guest_322]

Hi Corny,

Um...I'm glad my comment amused you ha, ha. It goes without saying that I meant that you be good at working with the under-25s on a professional level (like as a mentor, youth work related, etc). But of course your mind wandered down romance lane instead ha, ha.

Well, you have a point that chronological age is but a number. I guess at the end of the day, you either click or you don't with someone- whatever their age. It's about the connection rather than numbers.

Maybe nutty is the right word rather than complicated when it comes to certain members of my family. Bit late to offer my grandma to the sciences but I would happily offer daddy dearest to a psych team. I promise that he will be a very interesting case for them to study, and in return, please fix him.

Thanks, it's good to not have to worry about assessments for a few months. Ha, ha if I meet a cute boy during the break, I'll let you know.

Thanks and you stay amaze too!

Dottie xxx