Hi,
So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing.
Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's often at the back of my mind.
When she was around, I used to write a lot. I lived in my own head. Imagination was my escape.
But when she passed away, something inside me died too. I stopped writing, and I barely engage in any sort of creative writing these days. I'm fine with uni assessments and stuff like that but I don't really write creatively if that makes any sense.
It feels weird but it feels as though I've lost some of my ability to imagine and create, which I'm sad about, and the turning point was her passing.
Most days I feel okay- as in I have somewhat accepted- my past and her passing. But some days, like last night, I suddenly felt like I was 5 again, and just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry.
And the hardest part is sometimes I think that I'm doing okay but then it sort of all starts hurting again (and I often can't pinpoint the trigger). And I remember.
Dottie x
