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Christmas Sucks

MJthrice
Community Member

Went out to dinner with in-laws on Xmas eve, I was driving so nothing to drink for me.Wife had more than enough for both of us.

We planned to stay at the in-laws that night with the kids so we got home c10pm and put the kids to bed and stayed up to chat and have a few drinks.

Around 11 we call it a night, but wait there is still presents to wrap. In-laws go off to bed . I get setup wrapping, however wife can’t remember what present she brought for what kid and starts raising her voice. Dad comes down and tells us both to shut up as mum can’t get to sleep.

wife then picks up her bag and the car keys calls me a few expletives and says she is going home and walks outside starts packing the car.

i go out and tell her she can’t drive ( drunk as) she insists she is Dina and is taking the kids and going.

short story - father in law eventually comes down and a yelling match ensues which turns into a scuffle. I step in and break them up. She calls police . Police come and she explains she is trying to take her kids home.

police tell her she is drunk and can’t take the sleeping kids .... and she needs to go else where and sleep it off.

Not happy Jan !!!!

All of a sudden it’s become my fault for the whole incident ... I should have protected her , knowing she was drunk , and woken the kids up once in-law told us to be quiet and driven my family home.

after the kids woke up I packed up the car and drove them to her at 9am Xmas morning.

now she is refusing to let me in the house, has changed all the locks and said she will never forgive me and wants to seperate.. of course there are other factors here.

Christmas the day every kid looks forward too, a time for celebrating with your kids and family has just become the saddest day of my life. I am truly gutted ... don’t know how I’m going to move past this....

it’s the small things - cuddles first thing in the morning from the kids, reading books at night before they go to bed, there the things I miss the most ...

Im so emotional .. can’t stop crying every time I think about my family.

I can’t understand how she can just project all blame onto others, accept no responsibility and be prepared to break up our family so flippantly, so cold, clinically with no emotion.

in her eyes there are no other options, not willing to discuss or go get any counselling... it’s just how it needs to be !

Christmas is forever going to be the worst day of the year !!

2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Good Morning MJtrice, when we were kids growing up Xmas is the best day of the year, but as we grow up to become parents the situation may go up, still loving it, or it goes south, remembering what has happened in the past, only regretting what may happen again which then puts a damper on how we feel.

It's unfortunate that your wife has behaved like this, but she's not the only one who has used alcohol as a coping mechanism, it's done by many people well before Xmas day arrives, and for many different reasons.

No emotion can be shown by one spouse/partner or it may even be a child who doesn't want to be part of the family's celebration, which then causes the rest of their siblings and/or parents much anguish.

This, however, is not easy to overcome it sets a precedent either in the same family or by chance with someone else.

Preparing, planning and thinking about may happen and what you should buy for the family can create so many problems, so it maybe good that you have counselling before and if your wife does, and please I'm only saying this because you need to know how to cope with this situation, and by no means wanting to hurt you, as I was similar to what your wife has done.

Please get back to us and ask anything you want.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Flowertop
Community Member

Hi MJ

This is a horrible thing to happen. Things can get so volatile when alcohol is involved. This could of happen any time but Christmas Eve does make it more dramatic. What a crappy Christmas.
You sound like a very caring parent and partner. Well done to you for not allowing your wife to drive with the kids, that had the potential for things to be a whole lot worse. You actually did look after her when she was drunk and protected not only the children but her also. The police must of seen that you were acting in a protective manner or they could of taken her to the watch house for insisting on driving,

I hope you are staying somewhere that you have some support.
My father had drinking issues which seemed more exaggerated at Christmas but to be honest there was often drama but seemed more significant around this time.
I don’t know what the situation is with your wife but I found Al-Anon really helped me when I was living in that situation.
I hope you are staying with family or with people that are caring for you.

All the best.