Christmas and Family Issues - Causing anxiety already

[M_A]

Hello,

We have a busy Christmas planned. I would love to cancel arrangements however my husband is apprehensive and concerned about "ruining Christmas". I want some advice/strategies for helping me get through the silly season.

Im 18 weeks pregnant and have a very bad back. We have family staying for 7 nights. My mother in law has been very pressing, constantly wanting to know what " the plans" are - despite being told numerous times. Needing to know the "food situation" despite being well informed prior. Trying to manipulate the plans to operate her way rather than my way which is easier for me. Often the in laws are demanding to be around, criticising our parenting, complaining constantly about anything and everything, dredging up issues from over 20 years ago. They dont sit still, run around like headless chooks.

Quite frankly I just want me time to rest and relax before bub number 2 comes. So far I have planned to go out one day to do Christmas shopping on my own, take my husband out for dinner while they sit our child, get a massage. I want other solutions that will get them out of the house, so that I dont need to leave. We live near the beach so theres lots to do. I know I can retreat to my bedroom if I feel Ive had enough, but I dont want to feel like Im a prisoner in my own home.

How do I get them to respect my wishes and boundaries?

[Kazzl]

Hi MA, welcome to the forum, and congratulations on the forthcoming bub no 2.

Hun, you have the perfect reason to relax and not get stressed over Christmas. Your in-laws sound like controlling types, so how about you let them be in charge, on the proviso that you don't have to be involved (because you've been told to take it easy).

Let them organise 'the plan' and take care of the 'food situation' while you rest or do something pleasant. Make them feel important and like you need their help this time, then do you own thing - massage, go for a swim, just do your own shopping, sleep, play with your other little one etc ...

Turn their interference into something that helps you. Maybe talk with your husband about it.

Just a thought, and of course I don't know the personalities involved. But one thing I do know is that the stress of battling difficult people and putting in the extra effort to do everything yourself won't just end once their gone. You'll be exhausted, probably angry and it will take a while to get over it.

The best advice I got when I was pregnant was let people help, even if it's just to get them off your back.

Very best wishes to you

Oh, and take it easy. There, you've been told. 😄

Kaz

[M_A]

Thanks Kaz. I've been sitting back a lot more. Finding it difficult to block out the bickering and manipulative behaviors and passive aggressive comments. Like I'm clinging to every single thing as though it's evidence. Sometimes I feel when your pregnant you see things with new eyes and have a clear view of the direction you want to go with life/relationships etc. I guess things have finally come to a head for me but I know that now isn't the time to address the issues.

[Kazzl]

Hi MA, good to hear you're sitting back more. I know it must be hard to ignore the comments, but do your best to just let them wash over you.

Try to turn inwards, to your own internal world with your bub, and let the good pregnancy hormones do their job of keeping you calm.

I agree now isn't the time to address things, and all the 'evidence' will still be there later. Don't engage now. If things get to you, walk away, to another room and do some deep breathing, or have a sleep if you can.

Very best wishes hun - and know that we're here (including tomorrow) if you need to vent or just seek understanding company.

Kaz