Cheating on my wife with men

[Legoman]

Why do i keep cheating on my wife with random men?  I did it to my first wife and have done it again with my second wife.  She has discovered it twice before and we resolved it as best as possible but I went out and did it again.  We uses to have a healthy sex life but I still cheated on her with random guys.  There is no emotional attachment with the men though.

At first we thought it was due to sexual abuse at a child or maybe because of a screwed up childhood.   But I keep doing it.  My wife is amazing and I couldn't ask for a better wife.   

This has led me to see only one way out.  We have locked the medications away so I dont have access to them but there are still other options.   At the moment the only thing stopping me from following though with it is her.   If she leaves me then I have no reason to live.  I only have one child left of my own as my daughter took her own life 9 years ago.  My son hasn't spoken to me in 12 years.  If I loose my wife then its all over for me.

Why would a sane person keep doing this to themselves and the person they love unless im just a low life scum 

[Legoman]

I cant be alone.   Waiting at the local acute response centre as being alone will only end one way.    And that will mean no more updates on here as I wont be around.  I hope they cam help me as I cant go on line this.   Its too much for me to deal with.    

[Sophie_M]

Hey Legoman,

Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. We can hear how tough things have been lately and it is completely understandable to be feeling overwhelmed right now.
 
It's an important step you've taken by heading to the acute response centre to keep yourself safe. We’re reaching out to you privately to check you’re ok. In the meantime, we’d encourage you to give the Beyond Blue Support Service a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. 
 
If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe - as it sounds like you are already doing. That might mean connecting with existing supports, following a safety plan, or you could connect with Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).  
 
We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through what's happening for you. Our community is here for you, and you're welcome any time. 💙
 

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[Legoman]

Thanks Sophie.    They have admitted me to the mental health unit under an involuntary order.  At least I will be safe here.  Sad thing is I dont see how this will end well.  I have seen a psychiatrist and will meet them more tomorrow and discuss options.  

Beyond blue do a great job.   I only wish my daughter had reached out to you 7 years ago instead of doing what she did.