Cheating husband

[Rozebye]

My husband and I have been married for for 43 years and 5 years ago he brought a woman into our lives who he said would be a good friend for me. He really wanted an excuse to be around her. I eventually found out after 2 years that he had been secretly meeting up with her. Once caught out, he removed her from all communication and promised not to see her again. A couple of weeks ago I found out he had reconnected with her through calls, texts and clandestine meetings. He didn’t own up to it until I showed him concrete proof that I knew. He said he won’t do it again and is doing everything to make it up but how do I ever trust him again. We have always connected really well but he seems to be looking for excitement however still wants his family.

[geoff]

Hello Rozebye, bringing another 'friend' into your married life must be rather extreme and because of this would draw doubts as to why he wants this.

He has broken your trust twice and because he wants excitement in life, then is he going to be more clever in hiding any connection with her, and if this does happen, then you will notice a difference in him, where he goes and what he does at particular times and make his phone to be locked.

Being married for 43 years is a feat you should be celebrating, however, if he involves another person, then trust in your marriage has been damaged.

You can have your marriage as well the enjoyment of the family, but as soon as he involves another person he communicates with, then all of this is damaged, especially if he wants to bring her along.

I'm sorry this has happened.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I've read your post a few times. I have to suggest that 43 years is a long time and for that reason I'd suggest family counselling is the way forward which ever way you decide to plan your own future.

Some people in your situation decide to remain in the marriage and others cannot. So your decision is a personal one.  

Whatever your decision please ensure you have the forethought to attend your GP or engage a mentor to see you through the tough times. Of course we are here also and you can provide an update and discuss this further anytime.

All the best.

TonyWK 

[Rozebye]

Thank you Geoff. Yes, I didn’t get my trust in him back after the first time so happening again has just compounded this even more. The level of deceit and lying to my face totally traumatised me. I’m so sad and angry that he has spoiled what has been a wonderful marriage and that it has affected the way our three grown up daughters view him.

[Rozebye]

Thank you for your comments Tony. We are having marriage counselling this time, should have done it after the first time. Our counsellor is wonderful. We are still under the same roof and my husband is trying very hard to make it up to me but it is and I feel will always be in the back of my mind , is he going to do it again? 

[Rozebye]

Hi again Geoff, I was noticing things which made me suspicious such as my husband never putting his phone down, even to go to the bathroom, 4 hour bike rides and closing his iPad when I came into the room. I installed a spy app on his phone during the night when he was asleep and discovered the texts and calls. Damaged is a good word. That’s how I feel!