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Advice on depressed ex-boyfriend who left after 10 years

Community Member

Me and my boyfriend were together for 10 years. For the last few years, I guess you could say we were having difficult times. Work and financial pressure due to the house. I used to work outside the city, but due to the pandemic, I started working from home. In December 2021 he told me something was wrong. He said I didn’t do anything wrong, but that he needed to figure it out on his own, and that he needed space. He started pulling away, which made me more clingy.For a year, I would try and bring up going to therapy and talking about issues once a month, and he was not receptive. He told me he resented me and didn't know how to stop- even though he wanted to. That it's like we need a reset button but we don't know how to get to it. Those conversations would end in us both being more upset, we talked about breaking up several times. I was going to therapy, he kept avoiding it. He broke up with me 4 months ago and I left immediately. 


No contact for 3 months until I had to message him about a package that was being delivered. He replied kindly and then followed that saying that he hopes I know I can always talk to him, that he was not ignoring me and he just didn't know how much time and space was needed. He’s in therapy now. We’ve had two calls in the last month- during the last one I asked him if we were over for good or if there was hope for us. He couldn't give me an answer and said he feels like he's only starting to scratch the surface in therapy. His therapist thinks it is depression. During this whole time, he hasn’t initiated a text or call but replies quickly.


He suggested we meet up next month. I'm scared- I love him and I want to tell him that I'm more than willing to support him with his mental health and that I still want to be together. I've realised several of my own mistakes during these 4 months apart (I was too clingy, made him responsible for my happiness, I was always negative etc). I’ve been working on my own mental and physical health and I want to bring peace to his life. However, I'm so scared that expressing this will make him feel pressured again. How do I show him that we can have a new start and that his depression doesn't have to be the end for us? 



1 Reply 1

Community Member

For more context:

He said he hasn't been with anybody else since, which is comforting in a way that this wasn't just an excuse to get involved with someone more exciting. He told me we didn't break up because we don't love each other anymore, but because the relationship became too much for him. I think he felt pressured to give me something he couldn't, and I didn't see it at the time. I was just so frustrated that he wasn't letting me in!

He said he's not over me and doesn't think he ever will be, but he can't be with anyone right now. He also said he has no expectations for me.