Can someone please tell me if i am right or wrong
Welcome to Beyond Blue.
Firstly I can fully understand it taking some time for you to get over the separation from your wife. I mean, you were married and of course you loved her and she was the one that left you.
With regard to this special lady that you’ve met, I mean it all sounds extremely good from your point of view. I guess that’s kind of understating what you have posted about her. Now I’m not meaning to be harsh at all here, but am just writing this purely from someone who is seeing this from ‘black and white’ point of view and unaffected by emotions (no, I’m not a Terminator!).
You’ve met someone who you feel extremely special and everything you see and hear about this person is magical. These feelings are so powerful (I know and I think so many others would know this as well) and you feel like you’re walking on Cloud 9 all the time. Nothing that this other person does is wrong and everything about them is just beautiful. These are the early early days of love, infatuation, adoration and all those kinds of things. And from what you’ve mentioned, this period has only been a couple or so months. By the way, these feelings that you’re experiencing are absolutely awesome and it’s brilliant to be feeling this way.
However, from what you’ve posted further on, it does seem that she is having 2nd thoughts on this situation going further – and especially if there’s an ‘ex’ from her point of view in the background then this doesn’t sound good at all. How is the situation currently?
You mentioned that she said she needed space and now there is no contact. Is this still the case? If yes, how long as it been?
I found it also interesting that your Mum’s thought was that she is not worth it and that she still loves her ex. Did she gauge that from actually meeting her or was that from what you’ve spoken to your mum about her? That would be an interesting answer – but then again, either way, there has obviously been talk on her part about her ex.
Your initial question was along the line of “Am I write or wrong?” – well I’m not able to say yes or no, because really that choice is ultimately yours.
I will send this off now and hope that I’ve written something that may have triggered something for you to be of use. I would love to hear back from you as well with any further thoughts you have or with how the situation is now?
dear AUSSIEFMX, my esteemed friend Neil has replied in a very similar way as to what I would have done, but let me take this to another level now, but please remember that we are just offering our advice and for you not to be frightened off.
For a male it always takes longer for us to overcome a marriage breakup as mine was after 25 years, but that's irrelevant to your issue.
Your consumption of love for this new lady is something that we all want to have in life, but it comes and goes and that's the frustrating part to falling in love, one person wants this love while the other draws back, but the person in love can never understand why, and in your situation she has backed off.
Maybe she is frightened that a relationship will develop, and if she is just trying to get over her previous long term partnership she may be a bit hesitant in starting another one straight away.
I would be inclined to contact her and just mention to her that you would like to keep it casual at the moment, that way you will still be in contact and let the relationship build slowly. Geoff.
Hey there AussieFMX
Good to hear back from you.
Any chance you can get a second opinion?
It's been a month now - is the situation any different with her?
From what I'm hearing from you, the situation is no different at all for how you're feeling.
What have you been up to in the last 4 weeks?
Dear AussieFMX, Neil has summed up the reality of new relationships really well especially when they happen after a breakup like your marriage. Ill now try give my perspective & please don't take any of it as negative as that is not what I would do. I can try to give a "woman's" perspective but we are all so different & I'm sensitive, gentle & very giving. But I do question what this woman is truly like. Firstly you were in a fragile state when you met her, seven months isn't long to get over a marriage. If she is being hot & cold with you & others have noticed & suggested she may have feelings for her ex-then this is the hard part-you have to say to her you are noticing distance & want an honest discussion of why. You have to do this or sadly she could string you along & to be honest you sound infatuated with her. She may not be the right woman for you-there are plenty out there. Please don't give too much of yourself that she breaks your heart. Let us know how things are? Mares x