can someone please shed some light?
I am new to this. I am really anxious on posting this. This is complicated as I really need to have another perspective.
I met my partner and been together for nearly 4 years while we both are separated from our previous marriages. We are very happy together and is serious about our relationship. We kept our relationship under the lid as we are going through our own divorces process. He has introduced me to his closest cousins. Our current situations are: he is living with his parents and going back to fix it up so that they can put it on the market and he stay over there every now and then to look his children. Whilst, my ex-husband and I are separated under the same roof and sorting out our settlement.
We both have two teenage children. Until things started to change during the pandemic, we could not see each other for 4mnths due to the lockdown. The lockdown has been really hard. He had started to take some anti-depressants and he is consistently flat and shut down. Now, I just feel like I am the only one who has been open about what is happening at my end right now and not so much on his side. He has become very negative about everything. I am worried and anxious as I have fallen very much in love with him. I am not sure if I am over-reacting or I am just insecure?
It can feel daunting to post on here, especially for the first time, but please know that we are here to listen, and to support you as much as we can.
It sounds like the lockdown has had a big impact on your relationship. I’m sorry to hear that. Trying to navigate divorce and kids and a relationship would be difficult enough without Covid. I can’t say for sure because I don’t really know enough, but it doesn’t sound like you’re overreacting. It sounds like you are understandably very concerned about your partner and his state of mind. I’m sure your support and care means a lot to him, even if he doesn’t say it. Do you feel that it is related to Covid and he may just need some time as restrictions ease things may pick up for him? Or do you think it is something more?
Look at it this way Anxiety is actually a good thing it’s a survival instinct making you worry making you think or know something is about to happen regardless, of if it’s just your brain telling you to worry about something that doesn't exists look at it this way if it’s something completely out of your control tell yourself that , learn to accept what happens happens , and think about the problem when the out come finally arises, one problem at a time grab a sheet of paper write down your first worry that pops into your head and then put down your solutions then read your solutions out loud if it makes more sense and is easier to accomplish do that and go from there
Hello Memory lane, and a warm welcome to the site.
Going through a divorce when kids and property are involved whilst being in another relationship is not easy, simply because a decision that's made between the once married couple may not favour what he actually wants, so it's going to affect him in a way he wants to keep to himself and not discuss with you.
This COVID-19 has only confused everybody's situation, not only to ourselves but also to those we love but unable to visit.
The AD's he's taking may or may not be the reason he's not feeling well, combined with going through his divorce, but ADs usually take at least 6 weeks to take effect, some people have a much quicker reaction, but this should be reviewed by his doctor/psychiatrist.
If he's living with his children he has to explain to them that he still loves them and why the divorce is happening and from my experience during and after our divorce, all of this didn't automatically happen, it was hard work, but achievable.
He maybe reluctant to tell you about his own circumstances, just in case it affects how your own settlement is proceeding, but love is strong.
Hi memory lane
I'm wondering if what your observing or witnessing is your partner not managing COVID lock down effectively.
If you naturally excite him and he's not seeing you, he would need to manage his lack of excitement. A serious lack of excitement is serious, as it can be depressing. If you naturally create a form of stress release for him, without you spending time together how would he be managing to release stress? I could go on in regard to how you may be a natural form of positive therapy for him but you get the gist. So, what you could be witnessing in him is him seriously missing you and it could literally be depressing him, on top of all the stressors he's facing.
I'm wondering if creating things for him to look forward to will naturally excite him. Making plans for when you reconnect could get him worked up to excitement, raising his spirits. If he has a good imagination, planting images in his head involving a picnic on a nice sunny day with a bottle of wine and a bite to eat, at a place you've dreamed of going together, could do the trick. Getting him to imagine you in a new outfit that you bought especially for when you reconnect might be another thing. The imagination is a powerful thing; once activated, it can change our mental and physical chemistry. It's incredibly powerful at times.
If he can't imagine any positive difference throughout this COVID challenge, what he imagines in this case will also impact his mental and physical chemistry. If what he imagines is depressing, this can have an impact in a number of ways.
I've found 'feelings' play an important role in how we connect to life and each other. Feelings aren't often addressed as 'physical emotion' (energy in motion) but when they are, we definitely start to notice how we feel. So, if I said you have the power to change how he feels (life), how does that lead you to feel? I imagine excited, even if it's just a little. Can you feel the excitement in your body?
Part of the challenge here may simply involve you raising your partner to excitement. Can't hurt to give it a go. I imagine you'll naturally be able to pick what makes a difference to him and what doesn't. If a lot doesn't make a difference, don't give up searching for what does.
Good luck 🙂