Burnt Out Need Advice

[JustineW]

Hi All

i know I posted in 2022 on relationship advice but now it’s different issue. 
im a single mom. Daughter now 14.5.

2 1/2 months ago started awful insomnia waking with racing heart, anxiety and this lead to being exhausted now, depressed and all over the place. Put on an antidepressant and sleeping pill but still not sleeping properly. Anxiety and depression worsened. Struggling to work and function. Everyone withdrawing from me. Had hormones checked and thyroid and other bloods and all fine. I’m 45 now. Maybe it is hormones but it’s absolutely wrecking my life. I can’t find joy in anything and people are getting angry with me.

My daughter struggles with anxiety and it’s affected her schooling. She wants to move back to where we used to live 3 years ago although there’s no guarantee that will make her happier.

im so exhausted I’m at wits end. On a tight budget and can’t afford a holiday. All I can do is age care as I’ve been out of office work over ten years. I’d need to do courses but I don’t get that opportunity when I’m fulltime mum. I’ve been offered a break for a month at friends at coast which is so far from where I am. I’m North Queensland and they’re sunny coast. I’d have to pack in my job and sell up in order to take that break. I’m not happy where I live anymore because I’m just in a bad headspace. My son is at sunny coast with his partner. It’s expensive there.

My ex husband who is in another part of qld wants my daughter to come live with him and his partner. My daughter says no. I am just feeling so torn. I need a break. I don’t know how to cope or get her through high school which she’s already missed too much of. Her dad can raise her more successfully is how I’m feeling now. It would be hard parting with her and then I’d only see her some school holidays when I can afford the travel. I really don’t know if I should send her to her dad and then try sort myself out. If this whatever it is I’m dealing with continues, I’m no good to anyone. I’m scared. 

[white knight]

Hi JustineW, welcome again

I always believe that if a child doesnt want to live with the other parent dont make them move. There is a vibe they rely on and whilst she might not have issues with her dad or step mum, that vibe has to be listened to.

Some years ago here I wrote a thread on a cheap holiday. Creepy North Queensland crawlies aside it only takes $30 for a 2 man tent, then a portable propane cooker, pot, kettle, ice esky, blow up mattress. Find a free camping ground by purchasing "wikicamps" online onto your phone for $8 which shows you every free camp in Australia and the features of them eg dogs allowed, near a road, phone reception etc. Tell your daughter she can have her music on or if others nearby headphones. 
Sometimes fires allowed- marshmellows!!!

If you need to return home for a couple of days do so, then head out again.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/inexpensive-recovery-idea-camping/td-p/66887/page/3

At nearly 15yo only a few short years and she will be independent. They commonly want to return to their past school, my daughter at 15 moved towns, she made new friends at her new school. I told her to get a job like at the last town where she made pizzas. She said "my new friends at school told me I'm wasting my time applying here the town is too small" I directed her to apply to the 3 takeaway places. She was offered jobs at 2 of them. She picked the best job and remained at it for 5 years while she travelled to the city to do uni. 

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

[Kalm15]

Hi JustineW. I really know what it's like to be waking up with terrible anxiety and racing heart, I was shaking as soon as I opened my eyes and used to have to keep saying to myself ,it's alright, it's alright just so I could get out of bed and try to get ready for work. I don't have that now but I know what your going thru. You need to have some time to try and get yourself mentally better. You know that of course, and your in a tough spot as a mother with a teenager. Maybe try to gently say to your daughter that as much as it hurts for you to say to go live with dad for a while but your so concerned with the time off school she has had and how it's so important to get highschool education  sorted out . If she gets upset, then don't push it for now. She may agree to it later. Remind her it would only be for a year or so, just so she can get her schooling sorted out. Try to take care of your mental health. I was a terrible mess but it did get better, but I will admit it took some time. I'm not 100 % but much better than I was. I started exercising which I hadn't done but my body was so weak. It helped. I also started art which has helped a lot as I saw myself improve and it made me feel a sense of achievement and self worth. Still a very long way to go but it's better. There must be something you can get into doing for an interest or hobby .I know it sounds cliched but I found it helped a lot. Exercise also helps. I'm hoping you can find some peace and that your daughter agrees to go to her dad and step mum just so she can get her schooling done and have a springboard for some satisfying employment  which as you know is so important. Take care of yourself. I'm sure things will get better .

[JustineW]

Thank you

[JustineW]

Thank you.

i am very worried about my MH  at the  moment. I can barely function, everyone withdrawing from me, no friends.

when I first posted here 2022 I think it was, I was talking about a man I was involved with. I’ve been gone just on 3 years but he still rings me up and says I should come stay with him and get my life on track. He will open his home to me and use his spare car etc.

I do still miss him but I know in that small town all the people that will judge me because he’s never liked my daughter and they will think I have chosen him over her 

[Kalm15]

This is just my opinion of course but I would not go stay with the friend. Just becoz I have heard of similir situations with others and it's OK for a few weeks then it goes bad and your at the home of this other person. You end up having to move and with a shaky MH situation it's the last thing you need. If this person is a friend they will support you anyway by calling and talking g, taking you out for a gentle day out to something nice and calming  that sort of thing. Of course it is up to you what you do. Take care of yourself. You deserve some peace in life, we all do. It's bloody hard work sometimes though to obtain peace,  I know that. It will come. Hopefully soon

[white knight]

Hi, Kalm15

Great answer. Also applies to in-laws.

TonyWK

[Kalm15]

Thanku