Hi M-ia_123
As a mum and based on my own experience, I'd say what some parents tend to forget is that every child functions differently. Each brain (computer/processor) is slightly different and every nature is somewhat different. Throw in chemistry and a whole array of other factors and what works for one person isn't going to be the same as what works for another. For example, while one person may be able to 'just get on with life' or 'get over things', an entirely different person develops through a sense of resolution and greater self understanding. Personally, I like to know why I'm angry or down or stressed etc rather than ignore the reasons for how and why I feel or sense in the ways I do. Always pays to get to know our self better.
While my 23yo daughter faces some of the challenges that come with an ADHD brain and some of the challenges that come with her incredible nature, it's definitely been a learning experience for the both of us. Sometimes the learning has involved frustration, tears, the need for a sense of wonder and questioning and even laughter on occasion. Some of the amusement is based on me being able to relate to her struggles with inner dialogue. There have been times where we've both laughed together when it comes to how much our inner dialogue can mess with us. When you've got a parent who can relate to some of your struggles or challenges it can come as a relief. It can also become a matter of how do we manage to face this challenge that we both experience? How do we raise each other and develop through this experience together?
Not sure if it will help but probably the biggest breakthrough my daughter experienced came in figuring out how to get me to relate to her challenges. For example, there's a perfectionist in just about everyone, that part of us that dictates something must be done a certain way. That facet of my daughter can be over the top, insisting 'You can't clean your room unless it's perfectly clean. Don't even try unless you have the time to reach perfection'. She may pick something I like to do perfectly and get me to relate by saying 'How would you feel if you couldn't complete that task? Would you feel agitation or disappointment? Why start the task only to be left feeling nothing but agitation and disappointment while the lack of completion tormented you?'. It becomes about addressing strategies to appease the perfectionist in her, such as perfectly completing putting clothes away on one occasion, perfectly completing tidying the desk in her room on the next occasion etc etc until the entire room is eventually perfectly clean. So, while your parents' form of motivation may actually work for you on some occasions ('Get up and do it right now'), on other occasions you might suggest 'Mum/Dad, you know how you like to have a bit of time to work up to starting something or how you like 10 minutes notice for starting this or that, can you relate to how and why I also need that time occasionally?'. If they can't relate, you can try going up to them when they're relaxing and say 'I need you to come and do this right now'. The more relaxed they are, the more time it may take them to get up. Btw, I find sometimes the 'Do it right now' factor does actually work for me. In other words, getting up straight away without thinking my way out of it. The second the part of me that dictates 'You don't need to get up right now, relax a little more' kicks in, it's all over. I'll stay where I am as the task I need to do remains not done 🙂
