Broken-And feel like I'm trying everything to self destruct

[Crash-322]

Hi, not really sure where to start. Ive gotten myself to a place where I feel like there is no hope.

My relationship has mentally killed me, I've stayed because for some stupid reason my head won't let me go. Normally I would run from this kind of person and the first time they hurt I would normally not have forgiven them. But this time and person it's different and nothing he does makes me leave! So instead of leaving and going on with my life, I've stayed and completely destroyed myself mentally and physically. The thoughts never stop they get worse, the drug use gets worse, I've lost heaps of weight I'm so broken but won't leave!!

Unfortunately even tho he can see me fading into nothing and losing my mind, he has not stopped his behavior and even tho he says he wants to help. He hasn't and I feel like now he doesn't even care because he knows he can do anything to me and I stay.

I feel like I'm nothing and the one person I adore is killing me. I don't know what to do I don't know how to make him stop.

I hate myself and I feel like these thoughts plague my mind constantly cause I know deep down it's the only way it will stop

[white knight]

Hi crash, welcome.

Dwelling on issues could be part of your problem. Also thinking unrealistic thoughts is, in my ecperience, akin to having anxiety. See your GP about this.

You can google the following threads to read up.

Topic: an over active mind- beyondblue

Topic: nip it in the bud ideas- beyondblue

As far as your deep feelings about your man. I think they call that love.

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Crash-322

I can feel the desperation in your words and would like to understand. I’m not sure I do though and I want to. So I’m going to ask some questions about what you said, I hope you don’t mind.

You said:

Normally I would run from this kind of person and the first time they hurt I would normally not have forgiven them. But this time and person it's different and nothing he does makes me leave!

What are you referring to? Does he use physical violence for example, does he exhibit controlling behavior?

You also say:

The thoughts never stop they get worse, the drug use gets worse, I've lost heaps of weight I'm so broken.

Ok, please tell me which thoughts you mean. Also who is using drugs, you? Or are you referring to medications?

Again:

He has not stopped his behaviour

What behavior do you mean?

I’d also like to ask if you have had any treatment for anxiety, depression or other mental illness?

Please bear with me, I’m not asking to be nosy, just so we can talk properly.

Thanks,

Croix

[A_Tech]

Hi Crash,

I have to say you have me quite worried about you!

Can you please reply to someone here just so that we know your ok? You don't have to say much or answer questions, but just say hi.

I won't pretend to know what your going though, but it does sound desperate and not at all what you should be going though.

Please be safe and just know that there are people out there that care, even strangers xxx