Broke it up with me

Aaroninaus0 · ‎26-10-2017

So me and my well ex now have been together for 3.5 years and I know not a super long time but we talked about marriage, kids and even named them all so it was fairly serious. For 3 of those years we lived between my house and her parents like one day here one day there but we both still worked full-time. We moved out about 4-5 months ago and since then we kind of got into a routine and got comfortable with each other, and i guess started taking each other for granted. Now she could see this but I could not because I was so focused on finding a job I enjoyed and what type of career I even wanted to do for the rest of my life, it was a fairly stressful few months for me and still is. On the 3rd of this month she basically came home from a 2 day camping trip over the weekend with her friends sat me down and said we needed a break, she needed to work on stuff for herself and look I knew what it was the moment she said it so i picked a few clothes up for the week and headed over my parents, no big deal she was just going through a few things and needed space, so I thought. When I stepped back I saw the problems we where having and my part in these problems so I took this week to attempt to change the way I was with everything but in the back of my mind I knew she wanted to leave me so I would check up on her and what ever but she would never check in with me. She basically spent that week thinking of how to say to me on the following tuesday "We just arent working anymore" Its been a few god damn months of hardship for me and I spent that week thinking we where working on ourselves to better the relationship and she actually spent it trying to find the words to say to me, I felt so god damn hurt and angry that day. So after the talk i sped off to my parents and basically had a few days of seriously depression and sadness. Not once did she check up to see how I was doing, not a single god damn time. So I said to her I need to meet this was on the 13th at this time at 5am i had not slept all night. I went over there and kept fighting for her and she basically said I don't think we can fix this (a completely fixable relationship) and that there is no chance, she did not want to try not a single god damn bit. We had our little down moment but for her to completely not love me anymore, not care and not even try to make this relationship work It is so hard to stomach, every single night I have about 2-3 nightmares about it. I don't know what to do this sucks ass.

notsorosey · ‎26-10-2017

I don't have much advise for you atm as I'm going through the same things just a couple weeks ahead.

I hurts like hell doesn't it. Why are they acting like we are the sole issue when they were the ones who broke our hearts and are calling the shots. My psych said to me yesterday that often the 'leaver' feels a sense of anger with themselves but takes it out on the 'left' as to not hurt so much or justify their actions.

It's really hard to process that someone can just stop loving you but even harder to process why they don't care anymore. I believe they do they are just handling the separation in their own way- even if that means making it harder on us 'lefts'.

I wish I could say different but I am yet to find rhyme or reason or even a way to feel better other than making sure you have friends and family around that you can talk to. They have helped me. I'm hoping for you she may realise what she is giving up. Give her the space and hopefully she'll come around but the sooner I accepted that that may never happen it did seem a little easier as I felt the hope wasn't allowing me to process the grief I need to feel.

geoff · ‎27-10-2017

hi Aaron, unfortunately there is no rhyme or reason why this happens, especially when everything has been going along well and there has been no indication there was a problem, however when someone is suffering from any type of depression, they pretend to hide it not only from you, but to everyone else as well.
All it would take is for her to be away from you for a few days where she can open up to her friends and tell them how she actually feels, that's when she will tell you when she returns.
If she does have depression then she won't contact you to see how you're going, because with this illness that doesn't happen, it not so much as she doesn't care, she doesn't have the strength to even consider doing this.
At the moment it seems to be stalemate, you wanting her to contact you and her wanting space, give her the time she needs, but in the meantime this is where you need to get the help you need, because it's possible that depression will be passed onto you from what's happened, and common when a r/ship breaks up.
Book an appointment with your doctor and please don't procrastinate, if you do then your situation will only get worse, and ask your doctor about the mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 free visits to consult with a psychologist.

Thanks Notsorosey for replying to this post as I know your own situation, much appreciated. Geoff.