Breakup

[Guest_92466542]

Me and my partner broke up about a month ago due to me hurting him ( not abuse ) and him feeling overwhelmed and couldn't continue the relationship. We ended mutually on goodish terms, I think the hardest part is that he says he still loves me and cares about me he's just not in the right headspace to be in a relationship. I ended up blocking him on Instagram and Facebook but still have his number. I apologised sincerely and said I am getting therapy to help my insecurities that hurt him in the first place. I can't get over the fact I didn't even realise how bad I was actually hurting him, I feel so guilty. I just want to believe there's another chance with us 😞 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Sorry to hear that. There's only one way to patching up the harm done and that is face to face apology and more importantly him accepting such an apology. 

We as individuals can do many things but we cannot change someones mindset if they choose to have it. For example, he might be very resolute on the suspicion you had of him in that its a game changer, for many it might not be but your relationship was with him, no one else's judgement is relevant.

If you make a face to face apology and he rejects it then you have the opportunity to realise that a partner thats so unforgiving is not the partner for you, that you deserve better and move forward. But in limbo it makes you life difficult and thats why you posted here so I understand where you are at. 

Many years ago I had to recover from a failed relationship 7 years long. It was hard as I was in love, but after a few weeks of grief I found that as she hadnt made an effort to ring to see how I was fairing then she hadnt loved me as much as she told me she did.

You might want to realise that a soul mate is much more different than a lover, a soul mate will not let you break it off without a fight and a soul mate will express their love for you from the highest mountain.

Please, you deserve the best and the best care for yourself. 

"A soul mates greatest proof of love is that their partner understands them and forgiveness follows..." (TonyWK)

TonyWK

[Alice850]

This sounds eerily similar to my own situation. My ex broke up with me four months after I had moved from Australia to Norway to be with him. He was emotionally overwhelmed with me struggling with the move, learning the language, missing home and trying to fit in. He also said my insecurities and my need for constant reassurance was exhausting for him and he felt like he could do nothing to assure me that he was choosing me and wanted to be with me. 

I'm telling you this because I want you to know you're not alone. Maybe, like me, you feel like this was your fault and you feel like you're too much. That's not the case at all. Sometimes people cope with emotional loads differently, some people need reassurance and closeness and others need space and to distance themselves from it. Neither is wrong, but when two people cope differently it can cause friction.

I'm glad to hear you're going to therapy to work on yourself, that's very brave and shows incredible self awareness during a really tough time. I'm also doing the same thing, both to process the breakup and to work on my insecurities.

My ex and I are also on good terms, although this breakup has been incredibly hard for me and a bit easier for him. We have also left the door open to reconnect later on, but aren't pinning all our hopes on that happening. Which has been really hard for me to accept that we might not reconnect in the future.

I would suggest trying to limit contact with your ex, unfortunately no contact does help even though it can be the hardest thing to do in this situation. Try not to react from an emotional space (I know, easier said than done) even if when you want to reach out, give it 20 to 30 minutes and then reassess if you still want to talk to him and slowly increase the time.

I’ve found it helpful to think about it this way: no matter what happens — whether you meet someone new down the track, reconnect with your ex when you’re both in a better place, or don’t end up with anyone — the healing and growth you do for yourself is the same, because it’s about making sure you're happy and whole within yourself regardless of the outcome.

Here to chat if you want, we've got this!