Break up in process of grieving low self esteem

[Bula97]

Hi there, um I literally don’t know where to start off right now but here I go I’ve been in a long term relationship I can say it was good at the start but then some twist and turns got in the way. When I was with my ex I thought this is real this is my new chapter and it was gonna work well it didn’t it’s been 8 years since we’ve been together or more I’m not sure but I’ve finally pulled the strings and told myself it’s time that I move on and distance myself from him as it wasn’t working out anymore I didn’t feel the love or the spark and neither did he. I felt used betrayed and worthless knowing now I haven’t seen him for weeks it’s good but in the way it’s like a hard grieving some days it’s hard I joined a gym to help but I feel like I’m not pushing myself enough but I don’t know why! I feel like I’m trying to just do things to keep my mind occupied and not be either stuck in the room some days or just completely shut everything out I don’t know I feel extremely tired and I hate it I hate the way I am and that I’m doing this to myself I just need advice or any support to keep me motived and to keep pushing because I wanna make it to the end and actually completely change. 

[Croix]

Dear Bula97~

Welcome back to the Forum, I hope most of the years in between have been kind to you and your depression and anxiety have given you a rest.

Breaking up after 8 years is a huge thing in one's life, and it does take wisdom to see if things are working -or have any chance of doing so. After that length of time grief and loss are only human.

I am worried that you said you felt used, betrayed and worthless. If your ex-partner treated you that way your are well out of it. The only trouble is one bit of human nature. If badly treated over time one starts to feel almost as if it is deserved, and one is worthless. This of course is completely untrue however it can be hard to realize that.

1800Respect - 1800 737 732 can help if you have been badly treated

You have done a lot, breaking away was no small feat, and now joining a gym is a healthy distraction. Achieving small goals in the gym can be seen as victories and a sign of your inner strenght. I try to exercise 20 minutes per day, though I do not always make it, however when I do I'm please wiht myself.

I always try to have something to look forward to each evening, a chapter in a book, a tv episode on dvd, walking the dog ... You would know what you like. It can be an a little bit of self-reward, something to look forward ot each day -a constant in your life.

I could suggest some counceling to give you a different way of looking at things and assistance. I'd recommend Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) if they have an office near you or know of one

If you would like to skim through the following very long thread (long - that's why I said 'skim') you will find an awful lot of tips htat others have found helpful

May I ask if oyu have someone in oyur life to give you support? Someone you can talk frankly with - they do not have to fix anything, just show they care. This can help too

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

[AmaraA]

Hey there! 😊 kudos to you for reaching out for advice—you’ve taken some positive steps toward a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. Breakups can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining, affecting not only our minds but also our bodies. It sounds like you might be experiencing a mild form of depression, but don’t worry—this isn’t the end. It’s all part of the grieving and healing process.Now, picture this: If every day were all rainbows and peaches, there’d be no room for growth or improvement. We wouldn’t become the best versions of ourselves. Life throws challenges and obstacles our way because the universe believes we can overcome them and become even better.i totally get those days when you just want to stay in your room and not face the world. Here’s a quirky tip: Try journaling—write down your feelings and what you’re going through. Even if you’re not a seasoned writer, it’s a beautiful way to connect with your inner self. Who knows? You might discover hidden talents and truths you didn’t know existed. And hey, forgetting about that other person? It’ll happen. Wish them well and send them on their way—habits can be tough to break, but you’re stronger than you think!
Now, i couldn't help but notice your words at the end of your post where it says YOU WANT TO MAKE IT TO THE END ... about that “THE END” part—there’s no end, my friend! Life is limitless, you don't need to focus so much on the end because i think that's what your concerned about the future ... YOU ARE NOT ALONE i no how you feel the best life is waiting for you right now. Not tomorrow, not in the future, and definitely not in the past. Embrace it. Find out what makes you tick, laugh, smile, and even shed a tear (in a good way). Create beauty around you, explore hobbies, and surround yourself with people who make your soul feel warm. 🌿

You’ve got this, girlfriend! Trust me, once you ride life’s rollercoaster, something even more magical will come your way—happiness at its best. 🎢✨

P.S. Life’s playlist: “Endless Possibilities” by You! 🎶🌟