Break up due to sons behaivour

[Taylah75]

Need some advice.

ive been in a relationship for close to 12 months. I have a 12 Ye old and my partner has a 9 Ye old full time and doesn't see the mum which he seems to accept. I've had ongoing issues with my sons behaivour with his disrespect towards me and attitude. Yes he's 12 but it's an issue at times where adults don't want to be around him. He's great everywhere at school with friends and when he stays at people's houses and everyone comments on how good he is.

we all went away at Christmas with other families and my sons behaivour wasn't great. It did put a downer on the holiday a little. At that time I thought I need to book him to a psych which he has been to every now and then but the whole month of Jan she cancelled his appointments for family reasons.

At the time my BF wasn't happy with his behaivour and he said at Xmas he had my back and support. Last Sunday we were at his friends house and their kids had a fight with my son and he called the girl a "... dog" NOT OK. My bf was outside and I left and wanted to chat after the fact. Basically he said he wanted out of the relationship when we spoke in person he said it was due to my son. My son sent my BF a message saying sorry and I need some help with my behaivour and I don't want you to break up with mum. He did acknowledge his message and say he needed to work out his own issues. He rang me the next day after the text from my son Saying He was weak and He wasnt happy how He handled the situation and it's how he rolls within relationships and he's scared and felt trapped but couldn't explain that. I'm not high maintenence in any form. We never had a fight in the year and our two boys are great together no issues there. We were happy nothing else I see was bad. We were telling each other we loved each other the day before this incident occurred. My BF is under severe pressure with his business financially and had two mates pass away in November. I just feel he's done a knee jerk reaction. I sent him a message saying you said you wanted to talk more and I do too and his response was "I'll call you when my head is clear"

so I said ok it would be better to communciate sooner rather than later that was only on Wednesday.

Feel confused

[Taylah75]

Yes this is true but the past week things are becoming more clearer. In reality I met him sober he's an alcoholic and feel that got worse and feel he pushed me away. Maybe this is due to maybe drinking more than I realise.

old friends back around those ones weren't around when he stopped drinking. He had a major problem a bottle of bourbon a night. Is it true if someone relapses after a 18 month period they go back harder

[Taylah75]

I also realised that in 11 weeks he had maybe put on at least 15kgs so maybe I didn't know how much he was actually drinking.

i looked at two photos of him last weekend and was shocked at the comparison

i showed some friends too and most of them said that's someone that's hitting it hard often

😞

[Doolhof]

Hi Taylah,

How are you feeling about yourself right now? I sometimes find I need to look after myself and not try to fix other people's issues as I have so little control over what others do.

It does sound like this guy is drinking quite a lot. Medically there may be other reasons for such a weight gain, not knowing the guy though it is hard to know what those issues might be.

Do you have plans for the weekend?

Cheers for now from Dools

[Taylah75]

Hi

its definately drinking. No ive had to let it go I can't fix others nor am I willing too. His son is still reaching out to my son which I find sad

yes im heading for a walk tonight and beach tomorrow. I am someone who does try and do things so all good.

i wrote a rough draft of a text I wanted to send but not sure about it. I feel I need to

say something as my head was so confused when all this happened and now I'm seeing it for what it is. He's an alcoholic who started drinking again and I met him when he wasn't so didn't know him prior.

i wanted to say something like now I'm standing on the outside I didnt realise how much you were drinking and how much it has affected you

im not sure though

[Taylah75]

I was with my ex for 12 months we had good times both had a son each and they got along. We didn’t Have any arguments.
We went away at Christmas with friends and my sons behaivour wasn’t great but my ex said he had my back, loved me and was there for me. Few weeks later there was an incident with my son where he had swore at my ex’s friends child. My ex wouldn’t speak to me. He told me he was “drunk” and would talk to me the next day. The next day he said that’s it I’ve had enough out of nowhere. . He said this is how he rolled in relationships and he would talk more. I reached out a few times over four weeks and I got responses of “ I’ll ring when my head is clearer” and “sorry I hurt your feeling I have a lot on my plate and couldn’t continue with us and I’ll talk soon.
Bit of background when I met him he told me he drank a bottle of bourbon a night and his friends said he is an alcoholic and one day his brother saw him at a friends and said your drunk your an alcoholic what are you doing.
i met him sober then he started drinking again. more than I realised he had put 15kgs on in 11 weeks.
about four weeks ago I asked him to drop my stuff off and said to him you’ve had a bit going on his response was “well that’s your opinion” . His business wasn’t going well and two friends died before Xmas he said he was unhappy since then. I said to him I didn’t realise how much your drinking has affected you. You’ve become disengaged with life and life’s stresses. His response was “ I beg to differ”. When he left he wanted me to give him a hug goodbye. I couldn’t I felt hurt I said to him that I can’t contact him as it’s too hard im there for him if he wants a chat.
That was four weeks ago. I haven’t made contact and either has he. I struggle with the loss of someone as I’ve had a lot of loss the past few years with friends dying etc.
i know his life is a mess He has debt and doesn’t think ahead. He’s a great person. I’m stable in my job and have a mortgage and Am working on sons behaviours with a psychologist.
My ex’s best mates wife still messages me as we had a friendship but don’t want to tell her I’m struggling . I understand alcoholics and addictions he was
sober for 18 months and has now relapsed but he never got help when he first stopped he did it himself.
Im finding it hard not to contact him. My friends say the same. He wasn’t honest with me in the end just said he had a lot on his plate. I guess what I find hard is I was blind sided

More advice pls

[MissMySon]

Hi Taylah.

If you love this guy, I would reach out 1 more time. Be honest and sincere, and suggest some counselling for his addiction, this would be an indication of whether he wants to save the relationship. If he refuses help, it might be time to walk away.

I hope things work out for the best.

Regards,

Scott.