Dealing with friendship loss

[Rospat]

Some years ago I was a fulltime carer for an elderly family member, and consequently became very socially isolated. When my parent passed away I went on a seniors forum as a means of starting some social interaction. I went to some social events they organized and was befriended by a member with whom I had something in common as we had both dealt with family members with Aspergers.

We became very close friends, went out, had fun, our families also joined in the friendship. She often told me that I was her only friend and seemed to really value me as a person. Then there was a change in her family's circumstances, which they dealt with, but it meant she was not available to me as much. I understood this, was supportive and we met up whenever we could. However this became less and less, she was hard to contact and when we were together she started to be bitter, critical and sarcastic. I wondered if she had gone off some medication - she had formerly taken anti depressants and HRT meds.

Finally after no contact for a while I sent her a nice birthday card and a message asking if I had somehow offended her. She emailed back in a very nasty tone saying that she knew I had gone cold on the friendship!!! I was amazed and tried to reassure her but she was just very hostile and unpleasant. Anyway that ended the friendship.

it has taken me some time to get over this - actually I have been dumped in a similar manner before. I try to get on with life and be positive but the sadness gnaws at me, plus I am lonely. I have joined a walking group and made casual friends but it seems I am not destined to have any close friendships.

[GemAndLogan]

Hi Rospat,

Welcome to the forum, post here any time you feel you need support. The people here are an amazing group : )

It is so hard when good friendships end, even harder when that seems to be for no reason at all, you have taken the right steps so far in trying to reach out to her.

As you mentioned, your friend was having some personal and family issues and she was being treated for depression. I know myself as someone who has depression too that sometimes I can come across and cold and angry or sometimes (again referring to my own experience) I feel the need to isolate myself and I push people away.

The nature of depression is that it can change how we're feeling for a lot of different reasons and as you said, changing medications can be one of those reasons.

I would try to reach out to your friend again, just let her know you're there for her.

If she's going through a hard time, it might be a huge help to hear that from you.

If you don't here back from her and I'm wrong then it's definitely best if you move on, you can do without one sided friendships.

Keep putting yourself out there, you're doing amazing in that you're joining groups and social events etc so keep at it and don't give up, you sound like a nice, caring person who puts effort into your friendships so you'll find some close friends again

Look after yourself and don't give up

Gem

[Rospat]

Thanks Gem, unfortunately my former friend was not interested in trying to reconnect, she had either genuinely deluded herself into believing that I had initiated the breakup, or she was lying to me in order to dump me without guilt. She had said some incredibly hurtful and critical things to me which I had been prepared to overlook. In fact she had joined an exercise group and was hanging out with the other members. All along, I had believed that her caring attitude and professions of friendship were genuine but apparently that was not the case. I know that the friendship is gone forever, she has even moved to another town; I just cannot get over the hurt I feel. We were not girls, we were women in our sixties, and this sort of childish behavior is beyond the pale.

[MissMySon]

Hi,

Unfortunately losing friends is one of lifes thorns. When age is a factor, early signs of dementia can be exactly what you describe here of your friend, they can become hostile, perceiving things as an attack or offensive to them, when in reality it is not the case. I have experienced this in relatives as young as 57.

I hope you find a new friend , try and join a local group in a hobby that you enjoy .

Good luck,

Scott.