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Boyfriend's Family Makes My Depression/Anxiety Worse

unicornprincess29
Community Member

Hi! 🙂 I've been with my BF for over 2 years. He's my absolute rock & he has supported me through every single bad day I've had.

His dad lives in Aus. & his mum lives overseas (neither of them speak English very well). A year ago, his mum came to Aus. We spoke a lot using Google translate. We did a lot together...she even confided in me about personal problems. She told me I was like a daughter to her & that she was so happy I was with her son because she sees how much I love him.

My BF told me a long time ago he's not close to them because of what they're like. I soon witnessed this. The 2nd day she was here, they started fighting. At one stage I even felt they were trying to cause fights between me & my BF. The fights between his parents carried on the whole time she was here & they would always ask my BF to fix it.

Eventually he was so sick of it, he moved out, which was accelerated because they insulted both of us. They said horrible things about him, like that he hasn't achieved anything (he has 2 degrees & works full time in his field). But then it was my turn...they called me ugly, told him his exes were better than me, said it was weird I don't like going out a lot/don't have many friends, they told him I don't love him, they said they hated me & any other insult you can think of. We bought his mum a Thomas Sabo bracelet to which she later said I control his money & she wanted Adele tickets & I'm the reason he didn't get them (I don't control his money. We have a savings goal we're trying to achieve together & his parents thought that he should be using all his pay on them). She also said she doesn't want grandkids from me.

My BF moved out & we've been happier than ever! 🙂 I was broken for a long time though. The comments they made about the both of us affected me for months & at times I still get depressed & upset about it. He didn't deserve any of it & neither did I.

Anyway she went back home temporarily but she's back. My BF is meeting them because they called/texted him relentlessly saying they need to talk. He told them that he has no intention of being a "family" again & that they showed both him & me no respect & he won't let them treat me that way.

I won't be there when they meet. I'm worried for my BF though & that they'll try to hurt him again, and, I'm worried how stressful/upsetting it'll all be for me again.

24 Replies 24

Hi James,

The thing that worries me is that my BF and I live on our own, yet seeing them once caused such a big mood change, so I'm a bit worried they have that affect that quickly. I do think he's maybe starting to realise he was upsetting me though because things today have been a lot better (so far).

He's made plans to see them every Saturday morning for a few hours, and I think that's mostly because they're leaving in a month so he feels obligated to spend time with them before he doesn't see them again for however long. Weekends away are a bit hard for us at the moment because he's doing post grad study and he works full time during the week so he uses weekends to study, plus he also plays soccer on the weekends. I've decided I'm going to try and plan more date nights and things throughout the week though so that it's not just work/uni/home for us, just because I think he needs something to take his mind off them as much as I do.

Hey unicorn,

More date nights throughout the week sounds like it could be fun thing to do together, and having your own time to look at your adult colouring stuff would be a good way to spend some time doing something for yourself as well.

Nice ideas 🙂

James

Thanks for all your help and advice James! 🙂

unicornprincess29
Community Member

Hi everyone! I just wanted to post another update on how everything was going. 🙂

So last Thursday night we had a date night and things were great, but we had an argument when we got home (unrelated to his parents, but eventually his parents did come up). Anyway, it didn't exactly help that I was in a bad place with my mental illnesses last week... so the argument basically turned into me having a mini meltdown... which would normally not be a good thing, but I think in this case it was a good thing. Up until then I had been super honest about my feelings about his parents, but at the same time I was also being civil about it, so I was holding back some of the emotional side of it... but that night I think I let out all the emotion I possibly could. And as sure as I am that my BF hates being in the middle of me and his parents, I think he really saw just how much they still affect me and why them re-entering his life has been so difficult for me. So things between me and him have been much better since last Thursday... everything between us has gone back to how it was before his parents came back into his life. 🙂

Hey unicorn,

I'm glad to hear things are better. Sometimes letting some of that emotion out can help him see as well that you're not saying x and y because you don't like them, but because you are hurt.

Anyway, thanks for letting us know!

James