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Blindsided after a 2 year relationship

Michelle1978
Community Member

I met a really nice man at a speed dating event 2 years ago and it we both liked each other instantly. I always thought we had a great relationship and friendship we always had a great time together. Before Covid hit, we had a week away interstate for a holiday which we both enjoyed. Covid19 has made things a little tricky but we managed to get out and do some long walks etc and still saw each other about 3 times a week.
we celebrated our two year anniversary a couple of weeks ago and I thought everything was fine.
He came over to my place last week and said that we needed to split up and that his feelings had changed and he didnt see a future with me. I was in shock and so upset. I was crying and he was crying too. I was actually comforting him.
it’s like he had made his decision and wasn’t prepared to give it another chance or anymore time. I was in shock and wasn’t talking much because I just didn’t know what to say at all. He said that he doesn’t mind if I sms him from time to time.

Anyway fast forward 5 days later and I am upset. I feel like I have lost my best friend overnight and it feels strange not haven’t heard from him at all since that night.
A couple of friends have said I should contact him and let him know my thoughts given that I have had time to reflect on it but i don’t feel up to it.
I haven’t been in a situation like this before and just don’t know what to do.

5 Replies 5

uncut_gems
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Michelle1978,

I'm so sorry to hear about this devastating breakup you're going through. Breakups are never easy, but they can become both painful and confusing when you are, as you say, blindsided by it. Even though you don't feel up to it right now, I think your friends are right in suggesting that you share your feelings and ask firmly for a better explanation of what happened if you feel you are owed one.

In relationships, communication is key, and this means addressing things with our partners before they fester and become detrimental, even if it's hard or uncomfortable. In that way your partner failed you because presumably this is not something he woke up and decided the day of, but had been thinking about for some time. Some people hold these things secret until they just kind of come out, sometimes out of fear of disappointing or upsetting someone, or poor communication skills, or some other factor.

Not unlike a death, when a relationship ends we mourn its loss. And like all grief, this can be unpredictable and take longer to recover from than we might like– especially if it's our first time in a situation like this.

Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself, allowing time to feel whatever it is you're feeling. This is one of the most deeply painful parts of being human, but part of it nonetheless. Feel free to chat a bit more here in the thread to let us know how you go.

Warmly,
Gems

Well I finally found the courage to send him an sms yesterday (10 days later) saying that I didn’t think the way he handled that situation was fair and asked if he would like to talk about it.
I didn’t get a response back at all (as they say no answer is your answer) so I just left it and deleted his details from my phone.

Hi Michell1978,

That's a really unfortunate outcome and a very disappointing and immature response from him, but I think you made the right decision. It feels painful now, but you will save yourself quite a bit of pain in the future by not further engaging with him. Hopefully he is able to sort out whatever is going on with him and will not repeat this behaviour in future relationships.

How are you feeling now? Perhaps this wasn't the closure you had hoped for, but maybe there is some comfort in this finality?

Best,

Gems

I’m upset by it and didn’t get a fair treatment but at the end of the day I know that I didn’t do anything wrong at all.

i always tried to be fair and reasonable with him but he isn’t giving me the same treatment. I know that time will heal but it’s just painful right now

I think that's exactly the right approach, and it's so important that you know you didn't do anything wrong. I hope that the pain is at least somewhat bearable now, and you are absolutely right– time will heal. I'm still so sorry that this happened to you 😞