Betrayal

[Husky]

I recently found my wife was having an affair with one of my best friends although the both swear it was just a phone and text friendship that evolved into something more but was never physical. My wife was texting and calling him sometimes 20 times a day his number was under a different name in her phone it culminated in her taking a photo of herself and sending it to him then I found the phone records so there was no way either of them could deny it. We have 3 children together and the so called friend involved is 10 years younger than us. I feel so betrayed as we've often spoke about this sort of thing and agreed on principals and beliefs. My now ex friend is also a loss to me as I valued our friendship but feel I can never talk to him again. I've decided to accept my wife's version of events simply because my kids mean everything to me and I could bear to be around them. My wife is positive we can get through this but I'm afraid that I'm only agreeing in the hope things will improve however I don't want to live the rest of my life not trusting her. Am I doing the right thing?

[Chris_B]

Hey Husky,

If you've decided to try and work things through with your wife then it is best that your friend is out of the picture.  That may change in the future, if you feel you can mend that friendship.

If you've identified that keeping your family together is the most important thing for you right now, then you will need to set some boundaries going forward for the two of you, as well as work through the betrayal you're understandably feeling.  

Trust works both ways; have you thought about doing some couples counselling?  Check out Relationships Australia's website: http://www.relationships.org.au/

[geoff]

dear Husky, I can relate to this very much, and although we are divorced we still see each other ( not by dating but at our kids house), and we often talk on the phone.

Anyway to put it bluntly once it happens it will happen again, in one way or another, but probably not so much while your children are young, but you will always doubt where she is or what's she's doing, checking the net, facebook and phone calls.

Personally it will drive you insane with worry and always asking her questions, and unfortunately the lies will fly across the room, so I'm not painting a pleasant picture for you, so I will explain what happened to me.

As my depression became worse, she was losing her cool, until finally she gave up on me.

I then found her a couple of times ringing from a public phone box, why not at work or on her mobile, and when I confronted her she said that she was ringing our sons, or her niece who we saw frequently, so I asked them all and they said no she hadn't rung them.

What I did next was go and buy a couple of casks of wine and take them to an empty flat ( as I was a handyman then) and sat there with a swiss knife next to me, will I or won't I.

We took the kids away for a holiday, which I never wanted to go on, however one day the kids were away, so Adam and Eve did their bit, but after that I went to check the cricket score and off she went to ring this person.

So after a few months she moved out of the house, because both sons had moved to Melbourne and then she divorced me.

We have been divorced for 12 going onto 13 years and have been single all that time, and Adam and Eve has well and truly passed.

I hope that you are much luckier than I was, but now I'm happy, and all I have to do is check on Moo-Moo.

If you can regain confidence in her then that's one battle out of the way. Geoff.