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Cheated and trying to cope with it

Community Member

I wonder if anybody here had experience being cheated by your partner? How do you cope with it? Do you totally forgive and forget? I need some suggestions, please...

I only have 2 relationships in my life. I have one ex, my highschool sweetheart of 9 years. He flirted with some ladies, I confronted and then tried to forgive what he did. He then asked for a break...telling me I was not religious enough. Haha. And less than a year later, he married someone else.

Then, I met my now husband. During the first few months in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, I figured out he cheated on me. I found his profile on a local online dating website. He gave an excuse saying he didn't know how to  delete the account. Funnily enough he was online even the day before he got busted. I forgave him. Two years later, I figured out that he met his ex without my knowledge, seen some random ladies behind my back, suggests some models to stay for free at his apartment and willing to pay half for their trips (he's a photographer), he helped a random lady to get her silly work visa into Australia and told her he loved her and all. He also gave money and gifts to some others, when he hardly gave me anything decent just second hand items. I confronted him. It was difficult time to have all these happening when I was 3 weeks away from submitting my PhD thesis. A couple of my friends helped me. I left him and stayed at female friend's place while finishing Uni. I was determined to leave him for good but a week later I went back to him because it felt odd not having him around. I asked if he can promise me he won't cheat on me again. He agreed. I have low self-esteem while he's kind of realistic but cunning person. He also don't believe in the idea of marriage. Of course, my friends think I've made a huge mistake to go back to him. Believe it or not, 2 months later we got married. We had a very small wedding. He didn't propose. I was my parents who wants us to get married. He said that was the reason why he agreed. It's quite disheartening to know that. My parents didn't know what had happened in our relationship. We've been married for 5 months now...and everytime we have silly arguments... I have all these betrayal flashbacks and feel depressed, so depressed. I try to forgive, forget, move on.... And trust him again. Honestly, I'm struggling, really struggling but at the same time I need the marriage to work. 

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Coco, you must a loving type person, someone who just wants love from your husband, but I'm sorry I can only 'danger in the wind' for you.

I'm normally not too critical for anyone who wants our advice, but as much as you love him, all he wants is to have as many females in his life, so your a stepping stone, or a base for him to always come back to.

Your husband will keep doing this, he didn't propose, so it was a marriage by convenience, and marriage for him means nothing, he doesn't love you, and as soon as you become pregnant he will leave, and you will be 'left holding the baby', and I'm so sorry you will be left by yourself.

This is a difficult reply for me, because you are already depressed, and a guy like this doesn't understand depression, he never wanted to get married, so this will entice him to stray even further, sorry.

I hated to say all these comments to you, but I can see the 'writing on the wall', and he can never ever be trusted.

I would suggest to go and see your doctor because it's going to be a struggle ahead for you, and that is absolutely not fair for you, god I hate saying replies like this. L Geoff. x

Community Member

Coco, having found out in the worse possible way, I too have been betrayed. The feeling as you know is extremely hard to deal with. When you love someone with every bit of your body and soul, you expect the same back, and those of us with some sort of morals, would never do to others, what you would not want done to you. 

Having read your story, I see you are in the same boat I was. You hear their words of apparent sorrow, you take them on board, you try to have faith and rebuild that trust again. Unfortunately though, it will only be broken again and again and again. For whatever reason they seek out other partners, they will never stop doing this. So I guess you have to ask yourself, will I put up with this, live and try to cope with it, or move on. 

I cannot help you with the choice, as this decision was taken out of my hands before I knew I had to make it. My advice though, is to move on. There are some decent people out there, some genuine people. The only trouble is trying to find them.