Best friend is with my first love

[Mick14]

My best male friend has recently started seeing my best female friend and the first and only girl I've been in love with. She didn't want to be with me and that was fine, we became great friends but since this change has happened it feels different. My male friend would come around maybe once or twice a week now I haven't seen him at my place in a month, despite asking him around to hang out and even to talk about my mental state. Am I being selfish for feeling like I've lost 2 friends at once? Despite them starting a relationship together?

[Emmen]

Dear Mick14,

No, you're not selfish. It's normal to have feelings of loss, abandonment and jealousy when your close friends start a relationship. They'll start spending more time with each other and less with you, and that always hurts. To make things worse, you were in love with your best female friend as well, and that makes the hurt worse.

What's important though, is for you to remember that coming in between them or acting jealous in front of them will not gain you those friends again. It will take some time, but you'll get used to the new dynamics soon. It's time to move on and live life for yourself. Try dating other women to distract yourself and give yourself something to do as you come to terms with your best friends' relationship. It wouldn't hurt to make more friends as well, if you can, or start hanging out more with the other friends you have.

Kindly,
M

[Mick14]

Honestly mate? I don't have any other friends apart from my male friends step brother, only he works 6 days out of 7 so that doesn't help a lot. I did try talking to different girls to distract myself of course but I'm a very socially awkward and empty person so I struggle to make new friends or talk well with girls either. So with the couple rejections I had there I was pushed quickly back into my little box. And now I feel trapped inside that box I put myself in

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Mick,

You've copped a rough break there - your 2 best friends are preoccupied in their own emotional affair and that is going to leave you out in the cold for a while.

If you were your best male friend and he were you, can you imagine yourself acting the same way? You haven't 'lost' your best friends - they are just 'busy' and will surely get back to you once the fires of passion settle down a bit.

Not that this solves your problem though - maybe your best female friend knows someone she could hook you up with if you point out your feeling ignored? I'm sure they haven't even given it a thought and a little hint may be in order without sounding like the party pooper.

Regards,

t.

[Tommys]

Hi Mick A similar thing happened with my first love. Please remember you are better than that. Try and keep busy and keep away from them both. You will find that special person in time.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Mick14,

It completely sucks, it takes me forever to find people I get on with so can understand how you must feel. I also actually lost someone recently who I thought was a close friend when he met a girl. But then I also remember that first flush of being in love, and to be honest I don’t remember much else apart from them during that time (no friends, nothing else) so I likely acted the same, it’s the nature of things unfortunately. Not that any of this helps you. You’re stuck in a shitty situation, like you say, a box of your own making. But as I’m sure you know, the only way to get out of the box, is to literally get out of the box. It’s hard and none of us want to do it, but it just has to be done to get where you want to go. This might be a stupid question, but do you have any sports or hobbies that you are interested in? The only reason I ask is that I joined a social sporting team during the week and it’s been so much fun, so great for my mental health, and I have met some new people along the way. I had joined a few other things before and I never really liked them but kept going and found my team. It’s just really good for forcing me out of my rut and it’s opened me up to a social scene (I’m usually a bit of a loner), we sometimes go our for drinks or dinner afterwards etc. Would you consider something like this?

[Mick14]

I would consider something like this but I've tried basically what is about and interests me already and I lost interest in them pretty quickly. I suffer from depression too which of course wouldn't help, making me not care about things I used to or just making it hard to be motivated. And it kinda just compounds with everything that's going on or anything else to happen to me

[Mick14]

Thanks for the reply mate, I had asked her before to do that jokingly and she she laughed but also said she wouldn't do that for me anyway