Asking friends for help

[james1]

Keen to hear your thoughts on asking friends for help on all issues, minor or severe.

For context, I've recently asked friends for support on getting over a relationship break-up, domestic issues growing up, learning about my tendencies towards a personality disorder, depression and suicide. Those came successively and are in order of "severity" to me.

I found it increasingly hard to talk to my friends about these because I feel like I'm placing undue pressure on them when I should be using professionals for it.

The flipside is that I find it hard to emotionally accept the support of professionals because, well, that's just what they do. Whereas I know my friends care (and I emphasise know, because even though I can intellectually know professionals care too, it's not the same).

What are your thoughts? Do you find it easier or harder to talk to friends? How much do you reveal and do you do that willingly or not? Do your friends meet your emotional/support needs?

[james1]

Hi happy,

Welcome to the forums! Thanks for your reply.

Yes, that little bit of betrayal is probably the bit which causes us pain. And I feel guilty about feeling betrayed, because then I tell myself that I shouldn't feel that way since I don't know what they're thinking. But that thought process sends me in a downward spiral so I try to ignore it!

James

[white knight]

Guilt....a silent eroder of our well being.

Guilt....like worry produces nothing but hurt to ourselves.

Guilt in my case and many others is caused by someone in our lives when we were young that disapproved if us. That liked being dominant.

A lifelong trail of hurt caused by that person. In my case a mother that I couldn't figure out.

Then when I reached 50yo I read about her in fine detail. I'd googled ...hermit queen witch waif.

Then it all made sense. Making sense of something enables one to begin to heal.

Tony WK

[james1]

Yes so true Tony, and I love your little google phrase, haha.

My upbringing was also certainly a big contributor to my endless guilt, and I've been lucky enough to start seeing a psychologist early to try and address that. It'll be a long process, but at 24, I have a long time to figure it out!

James