Argument with my mum

[Ekk]

I just had an argument with my mum. I really thought it would be nothing big, she has OCD and is a controlling narcissistic person, and im also her PTSD trigger due to her own traumas. She goes through my wardrobe this morning and throws everything she doesn't like, or anything that isn't organised her way, onto my bed, she asks me to fix it, but I said "why do you have to go into my wardrobe?" Cause this is a weekly occurrence and im tired of her shit. She goes on for 30 minutes about how I hate her and shes all up in my face spitting on me as she speaks, and telling me how she does everything for me and all she asks is I make.my wardrobe and room perfect (which they are always bc of her OCD) she then grounds me and says im causing her to stress and im going to give her cancer. She threatened to put my dog down as a punishment too because I didn't want to walk him a kilometre to the park when he can barely walk 200m without collapsing. Like im sorry, but I think a short walk is better than watching him collapse on himself. She then tells me to cancel all my.babysitting jobs I have coming up, which is last minute as I have one tomorrow, and she tells me to call my boss and say I can't work. Which this doesnt just affect me but the people that employ me as it's a small business. I tell her im not doing that and she said she will message them all herself, and she goes on and on about how much she loves me and hates to do this, but I leave her no choice, and then she goes on about her traumatic childhood and how she used to be beaten and im like, mum, im 16, you're telling me off for something I wasn't even alive for???!!! Like, im sorry I didn't defend you when I was a freaking egg in your ovaries! And she had to leave the house after this to go food shopping but then she goes, I provide food and a home for you, and all I ask is that you have your wardrobe how I want it. I'm sorry but is that not the basic things a parent should do?? She then proceeds to tell my brother and sister to go shopping with her because im not competent enough to care for them because she think ill run away or off myself. Like, im sorry but love you're more likely to crash your car while driving in this mental condition you're in than me doing that to myself. Ugh, what do I do?

[trying_my_best]

Hi! 

I am so sorry that you’re in this situation, and it doesn’t sound fair to you! From the impression of what I read you are a responsible young lady and I commend your efforts! 

I was wondering do you have a support system that can help you if things were to get worse? Like maybe a counsellor or a close friends family? Someone who is aware of what’s going on and can help? 

Here’s the link to the kids helpline page, specifically the teens section. I hope it helps! 
https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens 

I wish you the best of luck! 

[Summer Rose]

Hello and welcome to the forum

I’m really sorry that you’ve had a fight with your mum and that you are left feeling upset confused. I’m glad that you reached out here.

I understand OCD and how it works; knowledge gained through caring for my daughter who lives with this illness.

I am not a doctor but here’s my take on what might be happening with your mother, which might help you to understand her a bit better.

OCD thoughts are intrusive, unrelenting and often scary for the person experiencing them. People living with OCD have to deal with the need to perform rituals and compulsive behaviours to give them relief from the intrusive thoughts. But it’s an illusion because OCD will always ask more and more of a person to get the same relief.

For example, someone who feels the need to wash their hands five times a day, may soon find themselves washing them 10 times a day, and then also needing to disinfect them and then also needing to run them under scalding water. I watched my daughter go down this very path.
It is not uncommon for people with OCD to draw family members into their compulsions. This was also my personal experience and if I didn’t do what my daughter wanted—for example, not sit in a particular chair because it was “contaminated”—she would respond with anger and occasionally violence.

So, OCD thoughts are bothering your mother and in her mind she needs your closest to be “just so” to get relief. And when she finds it isn’t, she gets very upset.
But here’s the rub: by participating in OCD you are not helping your mother. You are feeding OCD and its power will only grow stronger. Your mother may soon ask even more of you. The really sad part is that your mother likely knows she is acting irrationally but she can’t help it.
Living with a parent who experiences a mental health condition is tough. Living with a family member with OCD is also very challenging. I really feel for you.

Couple of suggestions for you. Seek support from your Dad or another family member. Explain what is happening and ask them to try to speak with your mother about her mental health and encourage her to seek treatment. (You can also do this, if you think you can.)Your mum needs help to heal and I want you to know that it is possible for things to get better for her and your family.

Have a chat with your family’s GP and see if he/she can help you to find a support group for family members of people with OCD. You can also call Kids Helpline or the Beyondblue support line for advice.
None of this is your fault, sweet one.  Hang in there and please feel free to post here any time.

Kind thoughts to you