Any advice on Being the only female in a Patriachal family

[TurnandWake]

Hi, can anyone give advice on how to be respectful and compassionate to my family dynamic of Emotionally Miopic dominant males. (I am the only female - however my grandmother taught me - you are a female - be strong, know you are inteligent, but be quiet and submissive - what a thing to teach a kid to survive), All these family men say they love me, and I believe they are sincere. But I have come to an age and a point that I want to be respectful and show gratitude for the great memories and teachings I do have.....I need to remove myself from the institusionalised MYOPIC MALE. Many thanks A

[TurnandWake]

Actually - ha ha ha - I just thought if someone can answer my question....you'll probably win the Nobel peace prize!!! 

[Croix]

Dear Turnandwake~

The fact you have reached the stage of loving your male family, want to show them  compassion and respect  but have now reached the point you wish to have your own life is in effect a result of the way you were brought up (intentionally or otherwise). Thus  having an independent but compassionate offspring can be looked at as a tribute to them.

If they are from another culture (as your grandmother's words imply) it could be hard for them to accept, however going your own way but displaying affection and consideration whenever possible may lead them to respect you in your own right (no guarantees of course). 

I guess it can take a significant event to change one's core beliefs. When I was waiting to see if i had lung cancer (an unpleasant 3 months) I did come to realize many of my beliefs about my duties and need to care for family members was incorrect, and that I should always have done less, relied on them more and not taken myself so seriously.

It is posssible as time goes on your male family members may find themselves obviously  dependent on the females around them, and perhaps they may change and acknowledge the skills and strength of them as a result. 

Of course all of the above maybe wishful thinking, all you can realy do is go your own way and be as respectful as you can in each circumstance, never a subordinate. If you have other family members who agree with oyur point of view they may not only give you support but be an advocate for you.

I wish you a life of persona satisfaction and happiness with yourself, you sound a kind and wise person.

Croix

[therising]

Hi TurnandWake

It can definitely be challenging to try and gain a more objective view of what we can feel at times. Being a sensitive person (someone who can sense easily), it can be hard to sense or feel our way through an insensitive remark or action. It can be a matter of taking a step back and saying 'Okay, where did that come from?'. In other words, it can take a masterful level of emotional detachment in favour of pure analysis. Btw, I'm far from being a master in this area while I'm still on the path of learning.

When it's a matter of 'I can sense or feel your beliefs, your ideas, your judgement of me etc', I've found a lot can depend on whether those beliefs, ideas or judgements from others just touch the surface of who we are compared to when they're felt through to the core of who we are. For example, if it's in our nature to be an outside the square thinker or someone who imagines the most amazing possibilities and that's met with stuff like 'You're being ridiculous', it can feel heartbreaking or soul destroying at times. Beyond the initial feeling of heartbreak, there's the opportunity to become a next level sensitive or feeler. 'I can feel or sense your mind being closed to such things. I can feel or sense how much you rely on inside the square ways of thinking and managing'. Compassion can come with such revelations. 'You fear going outside the square for some reason. You find a greater sense of comfort and/or order through a one track mind. You can't relate to what you haven't experienced or felt for yourself. You were never allowed to think beyond a certain way, even though you wanted to at times. You've been conditioned by others to think and behave in certain ways and have lost your true nature along the way'. Btw, most of us start off as open minded imaginative little people.

On the other hand, I've found the need to save my own sanity with some folk I know. I don't vibe terribly well with arrogant, closed minded, degrading depressing people. When you can feel arrogant self righteous people degrading you, depressing you and belittling you and they couldn't care less about how you feel what they say, it's not good. Compassion for self becomes the key. 'I don't need this, I don't deserve this and I won't tolerate this' can be a constructive way of thinking when it comes to self preservation. So important to preserve a healthy level of emotional wellbeing and sanity😁