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An extremely difficult break up

ChunkyTom
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

My depression caused me to lose someone extremely important to me. In June 2017 I met who I consider to be the love of my life. She was a newly single woman who had just separated from her long term husband. She was tall, blonde, career driven and absolutely stunning. She was unlike any one I had ever met before. She was intelligent, witty and so incredibly sexy. She was special. Our relationship continued for the best part of a year. It was full of love, indulging and laughs but also a lot of heartache. We grew extremely dependent on each other for everything. We broke up so frequently only to apologise and go back to exactly the same behaviors the next day and pretend everything was fine. This was mostly due to our unresolved personal issues projected onto each other. This was mostly because we threw ourselves in the deep end by living in each others pockets almost instantly. I grew jealous and insecure like I always did. I craved her validation. She was snowed in with the pressure her divorce was having over her. Her ex partner was a nasty human who wanted to ruin her financially. I was so fixated on keeping this relationship together I forgot to look after myself and the other aspects of my life that I cared about. She talked about breaking up with me to focus on settling her divorce but I resisted. I couldn’t even begin to imagine a world without her. I resorted to behaviors I am not proud of. I would threaten suicide or I would hint to leaking secrets that could threaten the outcome of her divorce and career. I had become worse to her than her ex husband. She loved me with all her heart and she cared about me, but she knew what we were doing to each other wasn’t healthy. On top of all that she was now scared what I would do to myself or her. We remained in our toxic relationship.

To cut a long story short she eventually decided enough was enough and asked for space. I unfortunately was unable to give it to her and pushed her away to a point where she now wont speak to me. I have used the time (1 month) to focus on my mental health. I have become extremely self aware of my underlying issues and have started to rewrite some of my core beliefs. Unfortunately I still feel a lot of pain towards losing her. Not a day goes past when I don't think about her or want to call her to apologise for just how bad I was. I know it is still too soon. I also know its possible we may never get back in contact again.

What do I do?

12 Replies 12

SteelBlue
Community Member

You know what. I was meant to open your post.

My story is nearly identical. But I'm the one who hasnt dealt with the divorce yet.

Same same.

We relied and loved each other too much.it was insane. So happy.

We both didn't do anything for ourselves either. Just for each other

Then bang ! Gone. Same reasoning.

I am now here today like you wondering what has happened ?! Alone and scared as we spent every second together for a year. Not used to this.

I also panicked when she asked for it to end. I was very emotional as i was shocked. We both became jealous and a little weird toward the end.

Ill read the replies to your story as they may be relevent to me.

Sharing your pain my friend. Feeling it too.

Take care of yourself (because sometimes you can't rely on someone else too). But we must hope.

Hey

That's what i can't work out. How to deal with today's and tomorrow's sadness.

Don't want to eat at all. Do you feel that ?

Yep. If we met a year later it would have been easier for us. I agree.

Ours is damaged now because she probably sees a vulnerable side to me and is upset i msged her when she asked for space.

How to deal with the sad.

LeeA18
Community Member

Can I get a mans point of view on this? I was in a similar situation. We were quite mature about it and kept in constant contact for a month after he asked for a step back mid July. He then dropped off the radar (mid August). Texts here and there since. He has blocked me from social media (long story). He did me a favour as it’s forced no contact. How long would you recommend? I have a reason to contact him mid November.

Ive been dealing with depression myself and he seems to be getting better.

SteelBlue, I don’t think you ruined it because you didn’t give her the space she asked for. It’s quite normal to react that way after a breakup. Just give her space now, and those negative feelings that she may have had should disappear.