Am I being selfish or being taken for a ride?

[mcphee]

I told my partner about 6 months ago that I had gone to my GP for a mental health assessment, the result of which was a diagnosis of moderate to severe depression. I told him that the next step for me was to go and see a psychologist.

In the time since that brief discussion he has never asked me anything about my mental health, no questions about my appointments, has not asked me how I am going. I asked him once if he would come to a session with me and he made it quite clear that that was not going to happen.

I have discovered that a friend of his on facebook deactivated her account (just to have a social media break) and my partner was so concerned for her that he sent her a message with his contact details offering himself to talk to anytime she needed. He also has another friend who has had uterine cancer and he messages her asking how she's going, I guess he offers to be that friend to talk to with her as well. Am I being unfair by resenting this help that he offers his friends because I feel that he isn't giving me any support?

[geoff]

hello Mcphee, from what you have said, yes I would be upset, 2 and 2 don't add up here.
Can I ask how long you have been together and how the r/ship has been because to me it doesn't sound to be fair to you.
Have you been able to find and book an appointment with a psychologist, but before you see them, can I suggest you google the K-10 test which will give you score, the higher the number you get the worst your depression maybe.
Do this a few things, not straight after eachother but different times of the day, so you can take this score with you to the psychologist, plus it might also help if you can write down what you may fear, triggers that may set off any bad thoughts or make you fall deeper into depression, so that you can hand this document over to your psychologist.
This can break the ice especially when they ask you 'how can I help you', because normally you may forget what you want to say or freeze up.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff.

[mcphee]

Hi Geoff and thanks for your reply.

My partner and I have been together for just over 2 years. Our relationship is not going very well at all. I feel as though he has been trying to keep me and our relationship at a distance and he feels that I have been smothering him. We do not live together, we both work fly in /fly out jobs and at the moment we see each other for just a few days each month. I find this life frustrating and depressing, he seems to enjoy his time alone. We are in a circle of bad behaviour, I get upset and angry because I want more commitment and a life together with him, he sees this as nagging and distances himself from me.

Thanks for your advice regarding psychologists appointments. I have only been to one and just like you mentioned I really had trouble trying to gather my thoughts and work out what I needed to say. I will do as you have suggested and hopefully that will help me to feel more prepared for another appointment.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi mcphee, have you confronted your partner and asked him to be more supportive? In relationships communication is really important, I think you definitely need to ask him why he doesn't want to come to a session or never asks you about how you're going. Sometimes people think that they don't have to get involved with someone else's business, maybe that's how he feels? I think it sounds like you just have to communicate very clearly exactly how you feel about it. You could even directly say "I know you talk to ____ about uterine cancer, is there any reason you don't want to ask me about my depression?" There's also couples counselling you could both do. In the end if he continues to not be supportive and is distant then you might want to take a break or let him go - plenty of people out there who will treat you exactly as you deserve to be treated and who will want exactly what you want.

[EdenF]

sounds like he doesn't love you as much anymore, if at all. he cares more about his female 'friends' than he does about you. On top of that it sounds like he doesn't think much of you're depression either. he doesnt emotionally commit to understanding about it or doesnt connect empathically to it. In his mind he is thinking "cant she just get over it".

That's my opinion anyway. You might be happier with someone who cares about you more.

[geoff]

hello Mcphee, as much as you want a r/ship with him, I'm not sure it will work out, and I say this because there will be many difficult situations later on in life, no one can avoid these unfortunately and if it's difficult now then it maybe worse later on in life, I really hope not.
I want you to enjoy your life and not to struggle through it. Geoff.