Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Matof4 Overwhelmed in life
  • replies: 4

I love my wife we are coming up to ten years together but the last year I feel like I'm just in the way of my family we are always busy having 4 kids I feel all of my concerns of such a big family is what actually happens . And for me to even mention... View more

I love my wife we are coming up to ten years together but the last year I feel like I'm just in the way of my family we are always busy having 4 kids I feel all of my concerns of such a big family is what actually happens . And for me to even mention it I'm a kids hater . I work hard we don't have a lot of money but we are paying off a house which is something I'm proud of . My wife suffers from anxiety which I feel like Iv learned a lot and still learning the best way to support her . My wife doesn't get along with my family after they spoke to her rudely Iv chosen not to speak to them she has never been close to her Mum so we don't really have family to lean on .my wife takes on so much can't say no to work kids or friends and I struggle with her taking so much on she works from home which is an amazing help but she will then do that to the extreme of being busy it's like she can't say no to work which burns her out I try to do house work and get kids to bed and for anyone that's knows how long it takes to get for. Kids fed washed and actually asleep in bed then the days over . This is more of a vent sorry Iv never posted on these before I could go on for hours. Also she has brought up my weight abit lately which I can understand Iv been big since high school i just can't even get my head in the right frame of mind to work on it I'm not a smoker or drinker during the week just enjoy food more than I should Iv lost weight before but I feel I get anxiety kinda from my wife's anxiety is that ridiculous ? Thanks for reading my vent .

Yoda73 Over the mental health issues burden on life....lost, tired but still in love. Feel helpless
  • replies: 1

In my 40s&have been married to my wife for >18yrs.We have 3 beautiful children 16,13&8.But..my wife has obvious mental health issues&over the years it has affected our lives&driven me into depression.I'm so tired.I was a positive&outgoing person. Hav... View more

In my 40s&have been married to my wife for >18yrs.We have 3 beautiful children 16,13&8.But..my wife has obvious mental health issues&over the years it has affected our lives&driven me into depression.I'm so tired.I was a positive&outgoing person. Have been to a number of counsellors.Feel like I'm not getting anywhere.Lost energy to pursue.Issue is my wife has an undiagnosed anxiety or personality issue that bares it's weight down on the family.You can never please her,she is never able to sit down&relax&does not allow us to spend quality time with others.We live an isolated life.In fact for all the experiences we have had if it wasn't for my motivation it would never have happened.Her symptoms include never being able to say sorry,forgive,always blaming others.She is always very negative not wanting to go out&enjoy life.I've asked to her seek help.But she doesn't believe in this&will not accept she has an issue.In her mind it's others issue. She goes off at smallest things&is always rude in her responses&angry.She is very paranoid all the time&displays obvious anxieties.In her anger she swears a lot at me&the kids in her anger which I find unacceptable&tell her that.I am over simplifying over 20yrs of issues&hurt as I'm mentally tired¬ able to be as articulate.So I know I haven't explained my self well.I am a generally peaceful person&over this time i have become a person i do not like.I end up yelling&getting angry.In my original depressive state some years back I did something at my very lowest point out of desperation&loneliness that I regretted&which i confessed.This has always added to the mistrust&she brings it up often.I have no real close friends as I have sacrificed my social life for my family.We do not have people over because it stresses her too much&we do not share any regular close relationships with friends.I know it has affected my work as I have myself become antisocial, especially over the past 3yrs.Others treat me as an outsider in their social groups at work.I feel I can't talk with my family as I feel ashamed at the situation.I love my children so much&I'm upset that they have to experience this.I feel trapped! What can I do?I know I'm not perfect&admit this but always trying to improve.My wife does not demonstrate any motivation to resolve problems or our relationship.How can I get help for her&get her to accept&explore her issues? And through all this I love her!

Kal08 Exhausted in my relationship. Do I keep trying
  • replies: 5

My fiance and I have been together for over a year. Her work gives her long, tiring days and she often comes home stressed and annoyed. She will pick at small things like if I havent mopped the floor or the dishes arent done (even if the rest of the ... View more

My fiance and I have been together for over a year. Her work gives her long, tiring days and she often comes home stressed and annoyed. She will pick at small things like if I havent mopped the floor or the dishes arent done (even if the rest of the house is clean). I wake up with her at 5:30 every morning, make her a coffee and cook her breakfast, pack her lunch and then when she goes to work clean everything up, then usually go to work, come home, study (bachelor of nursing), then cook tea. I dont earn nearly as much as her but I pay for all the groceries which she never has to think about, pay for half the bills and put money towards the mortgage. I feel as though she doesnt appreciate any of it! We argue about small things, if I have upset her she will turn her phone off. I have tried talking through problems but she overreacts to a lot of things and it is very hard! I find myself apologising for things I havent done wrong to try and calm her down. The other day I had a friend over looking at our kittens and at the same time her sister "While I was on the phone to her sister she tried getting in contact me. I messaged her after saying sorry I was on the phone and she said "thought youd be busy, my phones flat talk later" so I said "okay babe I love you talk soon" and she got extremely mad. I ended up apologising for not ringing her (even though her phone was flat??" I dont know if i should keep trying, I love more her more than anything, but each time we argue like this I feel exhausted and dont know if i can do it again..

happilyeverafter Learning to do it on my own
  • replies: 4

So I have spent the last 2 years in a toxic relationship with someone I loved so much it hurts. This relationship quickly followed a 13 year relationship with my children's Dad. I don't know how to be alone. Some days I feel strong, but most days I'm... View more

So I have spent the last 2 years in a toxic relationship with someone I loved so much it hurts. This relationship quickly followed a 13 year relationship with my children's Dad. I don't know how to be alone. Some days I feel strong, but most days I'm in a complete state of panic! I'm so lonely and just want to be loved by someone, which causes me to go out and look. I know I'm not ready, but I find keeping my mind active and sleeping with new guys prematurely numbs the pain. I don't want to be like this, but I can't help it. I should be focusing on myself and the kids, but being a single Mum is so hard at times and I find it so hard to be alone at the end of the night.... Can anybody else relate?

katkatie partner with depression left me - heartbroken
  • replies: 6

Hi, i don't know where to start but this is my first time reaching out for help on this. My now ex partner has clinical depression, ptsd, ocd & high anxiety. We had an amazing relationship & he treated me beautifully. When we met he openly shared his... View more

Hi, i don't know where to start but this is my first time reaching out for help on this. My now ex partner has clinical depression, ptsd, ocd & high anxiety. We had an amazing relationship & he treated me beautifully. When we met he openly shared his conditions & discussed everything all the time. Hes been on medication for 4 years & sees a psychologist regularly. Several weeks ago he injured himself & the depressive episode was triggered. He gradually became more withdrawn, said he felt flat, unmotivated, agitated, lost, numb & couldnt shut his head off. That he didnt feel himself & wasnt sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night at best wiyh beoken sleep. He lost his spark for life & all that he enjoyed. Everything thatuae to help him cope with his depression he couodnt do due to the injury & he became further isolated & then lost interest becauaehe couldn't be bothered. Affection near stopped & i felt like a mate. He became cold, nasty, blunt & a totally different man. I tried to gently encourage him to see his gp but he refused saying hes already on max med dose & nothing they can do. He started laying on the lounge all day staring at the roof withdrawing more. He shut me out further & desrcibed himself as lost, numb & confused. Over a month of no sleep he finally agreed to see his gp. He was put in an extra med to help the major depressive episode. 8 days into this he txt me to say he has no feelings for me anymore, that I deserve better & hes lost the spark. He refused to believe the past few weeks that the depression has triggered all this feom his injury or that it has anything to do with how he 'feels' for me ir anything else in his life. He text all this on new year's eve bedore i was about to go ti his place. He hasnt replied or tried to contact me again since even forcmecto pick up my belongings. He hasnt deleted me off facebook but hes restricted me from seeing anything, he hasnt deleted our relationship there either but has hidden it so noone can see it. Im heartbroken & dont know how to understand all this or what to do. I know hes not in a good place but feel helpless & my heart aches for the man i love. Any advice or help in anyway wpuld be deeply appreciated because im barely hanging in there myself the past 4 days since this happend. Thank u to anyone who reads this xo

CJs_mum Thank you
  • replies: 4

Hello, this is my first post here: just wanted to say thank you for everything BB and the online community have given, they've helped me see my problems spinning around in my own head aren't so bad and I'm "normal", "Ok", whatever that really means l... View more

Hello, this is my first post here: just wanted to say thank you for everything BB and the online community have given, they've helped me see my problems spinning around in my own head aren't so bad and I'm "normal", "Ok", whatever that really means lol (I love that the word OK is a sideways person! hehe) I have suffered from depression and anxiety pretty much all my life. The two have come in many forms, flavours and colours, sometimes apart, sometimes together. My memories are deeply negative ones, but I have had a very blessed life full of very good things, wonderful, loving people and times. It may seem odd to read that in the same sentence, but its true. My earliest depressive episode I can remember was at the age of 7, again at 10 and then it was triggered at 14 when an older child walked in to school with a gun....I won't go into that here, but I've never really recovered from that. I'm sharing it only to say those things were never talked over or about, all hushed up, swept under that carpet and only I could see the lump/dirt still there. I was always told I was stupid, to shut up, to stop blathering about stuff no one wants to hear - so what two children died of cancer? Oh well, that's life. I got the impression "No one cares about those silly things/problems/your problems/emotion." and that I need to not rock the boat, be polite, smile and let the "big adults" speak and do what they wanted only....don't eat any food because its dad's. etc. All this crap mentioned has done nothing but caused huge problems when becoming an adult myself. It still is causing problems they aren't even aware of. I dont even know what an adult really is..... enough of my stuff. My message is, simply: Adults can make a change in a growing adults' life. Talk! Get help together Work on problems and solutions together or allow the young person in your life time, space and encouragement to find the solutions and experience themselves. Let them learn from mistakes by allowing them to make a few along the way but be there to help sort through and find lessons and better ways. All the best. Thanks

CassJo80 Depression and anxiety causing marriage issues or marriage issues causing depression and anxiety ??
  • replies: 4

I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids together and are just about finished building our dream home. For the best part of the last 10 years he has worked away at least 6 days a week sometimes longer up to 3 weeks. ... View more

I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids together and are just about finished building our dream home. For the best part of the last 10 years he has worked away at least 6 days a week sometimes longer up to 3 weeks. I have always worked full time and looked after our children while he is away with the support of other family members. Over this time I have struggled with depression and anxiety but have saught help from my GP and received medication and also counceling. Due to the fact that he was just never around I always just learnt to keep myself so busy with working, sports, volunteer work and the kids I didn't notice that part of my life missing. He is such a hard worker and I know he does it to support us but it has taken a huge toll on our marriage. We have slowly drifted apart over the years and I have just learnt to do everything on my own. We don't function like a "normal" couple. I wouldn't know what it's like to come home to a husband to debrief my day with , help with the kids, cook dinner with or just adult company. Its probably worth mentioning that we have a 13 year old son with ADHD & ODD. who is getting increasingly violent and defiant with starting high school. This has also put a huge strain on me and our marriage. I feel ALOT of resentment towards my husband for leaving me on my own to deal with all of this even though I have voiced my struggles repeatedly. A this point I find myself really struggling with the symptoms of my depression and anxiety. I have moved out of our family home because I just feel I need to get away. I can't give my husband any affection and the thought of being intimate with him makes me physically ill. I have asked for space from our relationship because I have lost all desire for him and just feel numb towards him most of the time. The more I asked for space to get some perspective the more he pushes me to make a long term decision. Let me make this clear, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to portray myself as an innocent victim in this situation. I have my demons and I have made my fair share of mistakes for which he has forgiven but has resulted in him having trust issues and feels very insecure when I ask for space. I don't know if these ill feelings I have towards our marriage are a result of my depression or if our relationship is aggrivating it?? The thought of even trying to reconcile seems soo overwhelming and initiates more anxiety? Please help

JustUglyMe Lonliness
  • replies: 3

I hate who I am. I am the kind supportive friend who is always there for everyone else, yet I am dying of lonliness inside. All my friends seem to be having new boyfriends and going on dates. No guy will go near me. Yes I have tried online dating onl... View more

I hate who I am. I am the kind supportive friend who is always there for everyone else, yet I am dying of lonliness inside. All my friends seem to be having new boyfriends and going on dates. No guy will go near me. Yes I have tried online dating only to repeatdly be called a dog and told I am fat and ugly. I can only dream that a guy would ask me out one day or even just look my way... I can understand why, I am a fat disgusting freak. I don't have any family support and after today I don't think I will be spending Christmas with them next year. I have tried joining groups to meet new people and have made friends but they are all too buay for me now, have found funner cooler friends and have forgotten about me, till they want something. I am useless, cause problems and am a waste of space

MisterM Dysfunctional loveless family gets me down every Christmas
  • replies: 14

Hey, I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes. I have a family that is dysfunctional. Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families. My mum always gets ... View more

Hey, I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes. I have a family that is dysfunctional. Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families. My mum always gets angry at someone on Christmas eve or day and her negative mood spoils it for all. My sisters are estranged, I am estranged from one sister. My estranged sister is also estranged from my mum. My sister and her husband are in a loveless marriage of convenience. I've never seen them affectionate (hug, hold hands, kiss, talk nice to each other). My other sister (who I am estranged from) cheated on her husband and she is hard to get along with, she's poison, the whole family tiptoes around her, she bullies us, she attacks me. Her husband tells me they're going well, marriage okay. I can't see my nephew and niece due to this estrangement. He's hard to trust, don't know if he's for real or not. Today my mum attacked my dad over something he said over the phone to his sister and they haven't been speaking all day and my mum is in a foul mood at me and dad. At me even though this has nothing to do with me. I said nah, I am not having this negativity on Christmas day and so I drove to my sisters house (the one in a loveless marriage) only to find more unhappiness there and my brother in law getting angry at my sister mocking him. He said he should belt her one, and he said this in front of my niece. I decided to leave after that "joke" of his, I don't find violence against women, especially my sister funny. Especially considering his violent past with women. He swears he has never hit my sister and she has never said he has. I didn't say anything, I am considering pulling him up on this comment as it is not the first time he has "joked" about belting my sister. I don't want my nieces thinking that violence against women is a laughing matter or that it is normal. I am fed up with my family. Another Christmas down the toilet. They are all a bunch of grinches. I can't wait to have a girlfriend (future wife?) that I can have Christmas with. Away from this negativity. Sorry had to vent, don't know who to talk to or where to go (I live with my parents).

Nansee Ive been wearing a mask all my life!!
  • replies: 13

I really dont know how to reach out and ask for help so ive taking this up to hopefully find answers. i think i have known iv got both anxiety and depression for a long time dating back to my childhood. but being polynesian "theres no such thing" or ... View more

I really dont know how to reach out and ask for help so ive taking this up to hopefully find answers. i think i have known iv got both anxiety and depression for a long time dating back to my childhood. but being polynesian "theres no such thing" or was told "im just overly sensitive" So all my life its felt like everyday i wake up shower and put on a Mask to show "happy....joyful....strong....driven person.. when deep down i hate myself.... i feel lonely... empty....worthless and so much more i have absolutely no energy and no motivation to do anything! i have 2 beautiful girls and most times they cheer me up, sometimes it takes me just to stare at them for 1 minute for me to snap out of being blue... but then there are times when they cuddle me or give me kisses because they see im"sad" even that doesnt work... and i try to stay away from them because i dont want them to see me like this... does this make me a bad mum?? Its 4am right now and i cant sleep... this is EVERY NIGHT! i still get up and do my duties as a mother and wife but i do it with me wearing a mask.... there are times i just stay in bed or decide not to clean up... or make dinner.... but i guess im thankful my husband picks up where i slack off. i want to talk to people, and not have to put that mask on.... i want them to see the REAL me!! and most of all i want to speak to someone that will understand me and what im going through. I have decided to go and speak to my GP about this (never have before) im getting anxious already.... please if you have any tips... #MaskedGirl