Relationship and family issues

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Dr_Kim Understanding feelings of rejection. 
  • replies: 38

Rejection is such a tough one to deal with, I am yet to meet anyone who embraces it and I know many people who go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it. I think the only way to get on in life is to see it as part of the human experience, much like los... View more

Rejection is such a tough one to deal with, I am yet to meet anyone who embraces it and I know many people who go to extraordinary lengths to avoid it. I think the only way to get on in life is to see it as part of the human experience, much like loss and grief. You can’t have the good bits without sometimes experiencing the bad, it’s just the way it is! So we all need to develop ways of managing the difficult emotions that rejection throws up. Lets think about what those thoughts or emotions might be. Here’s some examples. 1. “I’m not good enough” This is a common one. It’s so easy for us to see what we think are faults and think that others can see them too and convince ourselves that these faults make us unlovable. These thoughts are often on replay from a nasty part of our brain, that low self-esteem part that makes us believe that unless we are “perfect”, we cannot possibly be loved or accepted. The honest truth is that we are all just imperfect passengers on the"bus of life”, doing the best we can with whatever we can in the moment! So welcome on board. Brene Brown has some wonderful YouTube videos about this, I'm going to share one below however also recommend you check out her channel as there are many more! 2. "Nobody will ever love me”. This is a very common thought and it comes from the anxious part of our brains that also seems to have a crystal ball! The anxiety centre seems to think it has very good predictive powers but it is a trap and don’t listen to it! It’s a complete and utter lie that anxiety often tells us. 3. “I’ve ruined the ‘perfect relationship’, now what?” Sometimes this is a stage of grief. Often, when we are grieving a loss, we go through a phase of idealising. Things like “it was perfect” are common because it conveniently erases all the things that weren’t that you don’t want to deal with. For example: I see this sometimes with patients who had terrible relationships with their family members and complain bitterly for years, and then once they pass away, the grief allows them to only seem to recall the wonderful times. In some ways, it a blessing, but it can mean in some situations that the hindsight is not always accurate. I also think that in viewing the relationship in an idealised way prevents any real opportunity to learn and grow from it. We can all gain from understanding how we went wrong in experiences so that we don’t repeat the same unintended mistakes. In summary, rejection is a common and necessary part of being in the game of life. To not be in the game because of fear would be a huge shame . Life is too short not to experience the many wonderful emotions that come from being ourselves. In Brene Brown's language: it’s important not to spend your time walking around the arena of life waiting to feel perfect so you won’t be rejected. Just kick the door down and step in and don’t let the critics get you down.

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JJTangled Breakup + loneliness = unhappiness
  • replies: 1

I have a few positives in my life. My professional life is fabulous aside from the extreme tiredness and I'm nearing completion of a Masters degree. I have two beautiful children who I adore. However, I feel very unfulfilled. My marriage ended almost... View more

I have a few positives in my life. My professional life is fabulous aside from the extreme tiredness and I'm nearing completion of a Masters degree. I have two beautiful children who I adore. However, I feel very unfulfilled. My marriage ended almost 4 years ago and I continue to struggle with 'getting over it'. I feel like maybe I never properly grieved or sought help at the time. Coupled with the ending of it, I lost many friendships and my "in laws" whom I felt were family. I have no family in Brisbane. I feel dreadfully alone at times I don't know even know when I last invited to dinner/coffee/movie with a friend let alone when one contacted me just to touch base. Xmas Day I was alone in my home doing work waiting for my kids to arrive. Xmas Eve was alone. I wonder quite often whether they'd even notice if I moved away or other things. I'm considering a move to North Qld to be closer to my family but that comes loaded with other issues. I sink to very low points at times and consider other options which have a less than ideal outcome. It's such a sad and lonely place to be...to think you could just pop off and barely anyone would notice. it makes me question my value and worth to others. I have joined a social group but that is hard to fit in with - work, study and parenting. Just wanting some advice I suppose about how to get over my marriage breakdown and move on happily and how to combat this terrible loneliness. Thank you. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

elouisef23 Post Breakup Depression
  • replies: 6

I've struggled with depression and anxiety since late childhood (I'm now 25) but had started to get a bit back on track this year and feeling stronger. A couple of weeks ago my long term boyfriend broke up with me and it's really thrown me. At the st... View more

I've struggled with depression and anxiety since late childhood (I'm now 25) but had started to get a bit back on track this year and feeling stronger. A couple of weeks ago my long term boyfriend broke up with me and it's really thrown me. At the start I felt grief and cried a lot but now it's morphed into depression and in many ways is more difficult to deal with as I fear it never ending. I'm aware that he's just one person, I'll probably meet someone else and I have to keep living but knowing this doesn't relieve the depression. I now really struggle to get up in the mornings, don't want to go to uni or see anyone and struggle to see the light and the hope. I realise now I was way too reliant on him as my closest friend and connection as I'd just moved to a new city when we met and I do not have any other close friends here. I am fortunate to have family support but they have their own lives and I really miss having that close connection I had with my boyfriend. I know I need to meet new people but it's so difficult when I'm feeling so depressed and isolated and I fear I'll never experience the same connection again. Has anyone been through this and emerged the other side?

mause alone and rejected by love ones
  • replies: 4

I have always suffered from depression all my life so I find it difficult to make friends and connect with people. My daughter was married in December last year overseas, everything I thought was wonderful. I have 2 daughters both are adopted from Ko... View more

I have always suffered from depression all my life so I find it difficult to make friends and connect with people. My daughter was married in December last year overseas, everything I thought was wonderful. I have 2 daughters both are adopted from Korea. At my daughters wedding we (my husband and I) found out our daughter was ashamed of us, our family was placed at the back of the church and at the reception our table was at the back corner if front of huge speakers which made it impossible to sit there. She removed the father and daughter dance so she wouldn't have to dance with my husband (her father). We were devastated and humiliated. We didn't say anything at the wedding but did the following day. She didn't care. She has refused to talk to us since, her new husband tells us she is not ready to talk. I have slipped deeper and deeper into depression since. I realize now that both our daughters are ashamed of having non Asian parents. we didn't see it coming. My husband is coping much better than me. I don't have the support of family and friends, most of my family is dead, and my closest friend lives in another state, so I can only talk to her on the phone. My whole world has collapsed and I can't stop crying, I love my daughters so much and they don't love me.

Michael_c I had it all...and gave it all away. Not coping
  • replies: 4

My wife and a recently just separated after 5 years of marriage, 9 years together.We had the perfect life together, house, 2 beautiful daughters great family life, not struggling for money. The only thing lacking was between us, over the last few yea... View more

My wife and a recently just separated after 5 years of marriage, 9 years together.We had the perfect life together, house, 2 beautiful daughters great family life, not struggling for money. The only thing lacking was between us, over the last few years we had become more like just house mates. I've been working away in the mines for past 7 years, and at first things were fine, when I was away she missed me would call and text all the time. But over the years it became like she only loved me when I wasn't there. When I was home she didn't want to know me. We almost separated after about 2 years of marriage but worked thru it and things got better for a short time.But about a year ago, she started deciding to sleep on the couch instead of in bed with me.No reason given, just felt like it. We didn't share a bed for the next year, the sex life stoped and no matter how hard I tried she wasn't willing to admit anything was wrong? She said it was all fine and completely normal for married couples not to sleep together.she wouldn't even let me sit next to her on the couch or hug her or kiss her almost no physical or emotional contact at all. She pushed me so far away I began to fall out of love with her. That's when I meet another woman, we were just friends but in time I decided to leave my wife, who obviously didn't love me any more, and try somthing new with this new girl.So I told her I wanted a separation. She actually agreed about the separation and admitted she hadn't felt anything for me for a long time, only stayed with me because it was convinient for her life, me providing everything and her not having worked for last 7 years. So I did what I thought was right and told her about this other girl, nothing had happened between us at that point. And she just lost it.Told me I gave up on us to easily and made me feel like the relationship break down was all my fault. After only a month I realised I made a huge mistake leaving her, so I left this other girl, but i fear it's too late, my wife won't take me back. I know we can find our love again but she's still just pushing me away. I'm siting here up in the mines again, feeling so depressed and anxious all the time about how I blew it. I can't sleep can't concerntrate at work, I feel if she Dosen't give us another chance, I just don't know what I'll do.. I want her back she is the love of my life. I just can't let her go, I won't give up on her again, tho I fear she has given up on me. I'm not coping at all..

SheWillBeLoved When will I be okay
  • replies: 1

What do you do when the past two and half years have been spent loving someone, seeing them everyday, planning a future and endless amounts of happiness... What do you do when it's suddenly ripped from beneath you and your left standing there without... View more

What do you do when the past two and half years have been spent loving someone, seeing them everyday, planning a future and endless amounts of happiness... What do you do when it's suddenly ripped from beneath you and your left standing there without hope and with a heavy heart... It's been almost two months since since we broke up but everyday I wake up I hurt just as much if not more than the day it happened. Everything I hoped for is gone. I became so reliant on this person that not I have no idea how to be happy or to live for me. I'm terrified and so very lost. I don't know who to talk to or what I can do to feel better. I wish there was an of switch for loving someone. I wish I could jusy switch off all together and not feel it anymore. I want to run away from it all but I know running away won't fix anything. I want to be me again but I don't know how.

Suhail Cheated betrayed and broken by someone I made my life for 7yrs is there a way out of this pain
  • replies: 2

Hi I am just here to know that what I can do to stop this hurt n pain . I was with my partner for 7 yrs we have a daughter together and we were so happy . But she started cheating on me with someone at work we went thru a hard breakup in 2013 and I k... View more

Hi I am just here to know that what I can do to stop this hurt n pain . I was with my partner for 7 yrs we have a daughter together and we were so happy . But she started cheating on me with someone at work we went thru a hard breakup in 2013 and I kept coming to know that she has been staying at hotels with this other guy spending all her free time on him so I decided to move on n it was hard but I did overcome a lot of pain . But suddenly she came back crying after a year of being with guy that she is very hurt by what happened n that other guy is not worth it and that she made a big mistake . So I supported her again made her overcome her pain n took her back we were back again working on it n she spent all time with me at mine for last 6 months finally I trusted her again n started loving her again but she just left for that guy again and not even saying anything I had to find out on my her mobile she left that she is chatting with other dude and can't wait to see him at a hotel I broke apart again n this time I'm blaming myself so much cause I have her a second chance I lifted her from the bottom where she was left by the other guy and she jus so cold heartedly left me alone without even decency for an explanation . It sucks cause I gave her a second chance I trusted her again blindly .. I love my daughter n I hate to see her face a separation of her parents again for this another guy .. How do I deal with this pain now it just feels it's easier to give up why did I make her my priority again I have so many questions that my brain doesn't stop thinking n my heart sinks a little everytime .. I feel worthless I'm not wanted and how long can I walk out of this house n put a fake smile when I'm dying inside bit by bit everyday I love my daughter she does give me strength to fight but i can't keep fighting anymore I'm not a bad person I didn't do wrong by her I wasn't perfect but I was honest always is there someone who can talk to me or let me know what I can do to feel better .. Is there a way out .. I want to live again and this is not living I feel trapped

dreemer heartbroken 💔
  • replies: 1

So..im new to the forum..and this is my first step at reaching out..i feel a little silly and as if the way ive been feeling is not justified..a bit of background on my story..at the end of 2013 i ended my 12yr partnership which was an extremely diff... View more

So..im new to the forum..and this is my first step at reaching out..i feel a little silly and as if the way ive been feeling is not justified..a bit of background on my story..at the end of 2013 i ended my 12yr partnership which was an extremely difficult decision to make..i needed to do it to be happy in myself...and i was..i met someone new who i fell hard for..we were so in love...but..its come undone for a number of reasons..ive got kids from my previous relationship..he was a bit younger than me and a little immature..but him breaking up with me and telling me he still loves me and one day we might be together..hes confused..its just as hard for him...i dont think he understands at all...i am drowning in my own head..ive tried all the normal heartbreak remedies..excercise..leaning on friends..doing new things..keeping busy etc..but i am not coping..im so sad most of the time..its a real effort to even look after my kids..or get out of bed..i cant enjoy life at all..im trying for my kids but i feel like im drowning in my head...ive made an appointment with my gp but im nervous about it..im nervous about opening up..or if i might need medication..that scares me...im feeling so lost right now

Mavster I think my boyfriend "fell out of love with me" because of depression.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I want to know if anyone has experienced my story and can give me advice. My boyfriend and i were together for around 8 months....madly in love and very close. However, about a month ago, he started becoming moody and withdrawn. This coincided wi... View more

Hi, I want to know if anyone has experienced my story and can give me advice. My boyfriend and i were together for around 8 months....madly in love and very close. However, about a month ago, he started becoming moody and withdrawn. This coincided with expensive root canal, a back injury, not getting enough cash flow and increased stress at work. He also lost interest in sex and was moody that his antibiotics forbade him from drinking. He became snappy and described it as not "feeling like himself" as well a saying he was irritable an didnt want to b around people. I was worried, as this seemed like depression. But i was concerned maybe something was wrong between us to. So i just gave him time and was supportive. After big fight, he assured me i was the best thing in his life, his best friend, and he would be "back to normal soon." Within week, i was dumped via tezt. The only explanation he came up with was that he no longer loves me. I struggled to understand and am still deeply confused and hurt. He says his "feelings just changed". He now says all these things he was doing, the moodiness an withdrawal was because he was unsure of his feelings for me. I struggle to believe this and think maybe he is feeling this way because he is depressed. I still love him so much and am hurt and angry an confused. Can anyone help?

Minty Why Cant I Cope?
  • replies: 2

My daughter is 22 and her son (my Grandson) is 3. They have lived with me all their lives. She is moving to the city in two weeks (4 hours away from where I live) and for some reason I am falling apart. I can tell myself that it is normal for kids to... View more

My daughter is 22 and her son (my Grandson) is 3. They have lived with me all their lives. She is moving to the city in two weeks (4 hours away from where I live) and for some reason I am falling apart. I can tell myself that it is normal for kids to grow up and move out and find their own lives...but what my head is saying and what my heart is feeling is something very different. I am falling to pieces. I just lie in my bed and cry and cry and cry. When I think of walking into this house in two weeks and all their stuff will be gone and they will not be here I cannot handle it.I can't function. Can't eat, can't sleep. I dont want to make my daughter feel guilty for deciding to move but I am no longer in control of myself and I don't know how to stop these feelings. I know it is hurting, upsetting and yes probably annoying her that I am behaving this way but I seem to have lost the ability to hold it together. I am a wreck. I miss her and my grandson soooo much and they haven't even left yet. Why can't I cope with this?

Noa Grieving my former self and everything I've lost
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am in a pretty dark place right now and feel like I have no idea how to get myself out of it. I used to be a bright and bubbly person who was always surrounded by close friends and loved being social. All of this changed after the birth of my s... View more

Hi, I am in a pretty dark place right now and feel like I have no idea how to get myself out of it. I used to be a bright and bubbly person who was always surrounded by close friends and loved being social. All of this changed after the birth of my son who has a severe disability. His father left and whilst he pays child support, he does nothing else to help. He argues that he never wanted the pregnancy in the first place and wanted me to abort as he wasn't ready for a child but I couldn't do it. I am now in a position where I have given up my career, my dreams. I am alone with a child who needs round the clock care and have been alone now for 6 years. I feel hopeless in my current situation. I love my son but I am so consumed by anger and resentment and grief. My life has had to completely change since my son arrived. I have lost the closeness of friendships and the dynamics have changed as I don't have a lot in common with people with typical kids- my son is so different. I just don't know how to dig myself out of this hole as I am completely exhausted. Thanks for letting me share and vent!