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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kel91 Worried about relationship
  • replies: 4

Hello I've been in a relationship with my partner for over two years now and he is amazing, I love him very much. I'm worried about our sex life......I'm simply NEVER in the mood, in fact if I would choose to never have sex I would. I had this proble... View more

Hello I've been in a relationship with my partner for over two years now and he is amazing, I love him very much. I'm worried about our sex life......I'm simply NEVER in the mood, in fact if I would choose to never have sex I would. I had this problem in my last relationship and so I know it has nothing to do with him, it's just me. I know they say girls can be much less eager than men when it comes to sex, but to the point where I avoid it as much as possible? We probably do it on average every three weeks but even then I have to talk myself into it. What is wrong with me? I'm worried he'll get sick of me for that reason even though I know we are happy. It's a touchy topic but I'm not sure what to do. It makes me feel really down and sometimes I even hate myself for it. Just wondering i anyone has any advice? Kel

Sharny On edge about having illness
  • replies: 3

Hi, I've recently posted so I'm sorry for doing so again. Even though I'm managing my illness every now and then I get stuck with excess thinking regarding how guilty I feel to my family just for dealing with Bipolar. I should be rested, I have a lov... View more

Hi, I've recently posted so I'm sorry for doing so again. Even though I'm managing my illness every now and then I get stuck with excess thinking regarding how guilty I feel to my family just for dealing with Bipolar. I should be rested, I have a loving supportive husband who understands and cares, does everything to assist in us living our lives as peacefully as we can. My two children are doing very well at school as my husband keeps reminding me. Financially we are very secure. So with all this around me in my immediate family, I should be able to keep moving forward and accept that I unfortunately got this illness. The proof is there that I've done things for my kids, played games when they were little, read stories over and again, visited parks, libraries etc etc and given them endless love and cuddles, nutured them and provided a home full of love. Despite this, knowing I have this illness still rips me of some dignity, it still manages to make me uncertain as to what I've provided because I'm sure at times my two kids have seen some changes come on with their mum. I try to replace these thoughts with the idea that I am a survivor, just trying to muddle through an illness that I never asked for. I'm wondering when this self anguish that rears its head ocassionally in the form of feeling like a bad person because of my illness will ever go away. I mean, if I had another type of illness would it make me feel bad toward my kids? I've asked this in my head time and again. It's this type of thinking that leaves me lonely, yet I've got everything I need around me.

Sharny Does it help or hinder letting people know?
  • replies: 4

Hi again, now that I've introduced briefly my story previously I have a question that has been playing on my mind through out the years. Please lead me to the right part of the forum if I'm in the wrong area. I've learned some coping skills along my ... View more

Hi again, now that I've introduced briefly my story previously I have a question that has been playing on my mind through out the years. Please lead me to the right part of the forum if I'm in the wrong area. I've learned some coping skills along my journey with this illness. I've also learned that in the process some people have questioned me making it difficult to protect my own health and the wellbeing of my family. Whilst I have made a 10 year commitment to becoming actively involved in my children's school , sports clubs voluntarily and keeping the family connected socially with outings etc, I find at times particularly school holidays that there is only so much the whole family can cope with. School holidays are approaching and there are already 6 structured social engagements planned involving other friends/families. Ok, it's nice I keep telling myself that it's wonderful having these connections both for myself and the children. So why do I start to feel overwhelmed? My guess is because instinctively it's already too much. Too much that I have given in to against what I know I can cope with. There are 10 weekdays over the break. That leaves 4 days to fit in normal day to day living, appointments for the dentist etc whilst kids are out of school. I also like to have unstructured, settled/ unplanned days where the kids see a more relaxed mum who tries to be spontaneous with our time. My question is, if I told people about my illness and what I can and can't handle would they care enough to support me? Would it pose more problems?

Nonny My partners adult children - seven years in
  • replies: 2

Until last year my partners adult children were polite, kept me at arms length and let me know my place (or lack of it). I was saddened by this and really wanted to be part of the family. Three years ago two of them had babies, I was over the moon an... View more

Until last year my partners adult children were polite, kept me at arms length and let me know my place (or lack of it). I was saddened by this and really wanted to be part of the family. Three years ago two of them had babies, I was over the moon and just adored spending time with the little ones and it seemed they with me. Despite some other obvious snubs, I hoped this was my way to fit into the family. About a year ago I was told that the grandparent name the babies had been calling me was inappropriate and no longer to be used, I am not biologically related. I was devastated. I was very ill at the time and couldn't manage a face to face conversation apart from the initial one. I, very carefully with my partners knowledge tried by email, writing to all four parents to explain why the grandparent name was important to me. In return I received a hurtful email to go with an earlier email refusing to discuss the matter since it had been decided, neither of the two married into the family parents replied. I know that my earlier life makes it hard for me to cope with rejection. I have tried to be rationale and now my anti-depression medication dose is very high. There is no way I would say anything to stop communication / visits between my partner and his family. He sees them reasonably regularly, which I find hard. Its like I don't exist. I could go along, but don't because I can't cope with the rejection, or disingenuous behaviour. I have some chronic health issues that stress seems to flareup. I miss the little ones. My partner is unhappy with the situation but loves and is very close to his family and won't rock that boat. My partner gets angry when the subject is mentioned and can't stand to have his children criticised. I'm not sure my relationship is going to survive. I can see we are becoming more distant and don't know how to fix it.

Letting_Life_Pass_Me_By Trying to find a way past the self hatred....
  • replies: 15

Hi all. I am very, very new to this. I have always been the person who silently broods until I finally snap. However, tonight I got so mad because of something that I should not have been upset about in the first place and realized that I need to fin... View more

Hi all. I am very, very new to this. I have always been the person who silently broods until I finally snap. However, tonight I got so mad because of something that I should not have been upset about in the first place and realized that I need to find someone to talk to. I struggle to talk to people so I figured that this at least is anonymous and quite possibly might help. I already know what triggers my moments of depression.. Thinking about my father and how miserable I was as a child, thinking about one of my 4 sisters who causes me nothing but grief and who I can't bring myself to forgive for hurting me, thinking of my mother who should have stood up for me but never did and whom also shows no real interest in my two sons, my other 3 sisters who act fake around me, thinking about my brother who I never got the chance to get to know because I made the choice to run away when I was 15 and he was 5, even when I look at my husband and know that I am in a miserable marriage that I struggle to give a chance triggers these moments of depression. There are also those never ending thoughts that spiral around in my mind telling me that I have the power to fix my marriage, forgive my family, move away and start fresh and even get out and try to loose all the weight I stacked on during the previous 5 years. I realize that my life ain't so bad. I have 2 great kids, the rent is paid on time, I manage to pay the bills, we eat as healthy as the budget allows and I know my children are NEVER hungry. I have more then some people do and I should feel appreciative, I know that. I still can't shake all my bitter history. I can't bring myself to forgive life long grudges. I don't leave the house very often. I can't get motivated. I cry constantly, sometimes for no reason at all. I am so lonely and I don't know who I can talk to because the people in my life don't understand and every single one of them is notorious for gossiping behind each others backs. I don't want to feel alone anymore though. I don't want to be in this bubble of self hatred, treating myself like a victim and hating myself even more for it. I know I'm not the first person to feel this way and I definitely won't be the last, that's life I guess... But, I want some help now and if starting here, talking to strangers, is the baby step I must take to start down the road to feeling better then I hope this helps.

Bluejay47 14 years married to depressed and anxious husband who lost all our assets
  • replies: 15

I have been married to this man for 14 yrs there has been a few breaking points but I have stuck it out because He can be a good guyRecently he has gone bankrupt due to borrowing against out househe deceived me throughout the whole last 5 years in a ... View more

I have been married to this man for 14 yrs there has been a few breaking points but I have stuck it out because He can be a good guyRecently he has gone bankrupt due to borrowing against out househe deceived me throughout the whole last 5 years in a new business he started, with money and debt and next minute we had to sell our house, not much lefthe has seen psychiatric people years before and was diagnosed bi polar but I have always doubted this and now he has been taken off one medication but on another.He doesn't seem different tho so guessing it was ineffectual anywayyear after year of depression and really selfish behaviour plus losing everything I'm near at an end.He hada string of bad things happen at work over 14 years which I have stood by him.He is angry that he has no biological kids.he is pretty obsessed with this even tho my kids have called him dad since day dot and my youngest was 3 when we met.He has dreadful crying and screaming episodes, he doesn't communicate, rose coloured glasses so pretends he is perfectHe says I'm such a good man, he can't believe I would be unhappy with him,I guess this is a small example of what has constantly happened in the marriagehe always went to psychologist but somehow pretended to be the good guy and simply said the surface problems he had and no one ever really dug deep,I guess he is the comedian and all say oh what a wonderful guy he is... Life of the party etc but I and the kids get Sad man, he pretends to be happy he is passive aggressive, says really cutting things like I will find a younger woman to have a baby, he tells me I'm yelling but I absolutely don'tso I have finally got my own counselling and after 4 sessions I have been feeling fantastic and I have realised that he just goes to the psyc and its all about him and not a thought as to how all these things have affected our marriage kids.Im angry as I can feel that by being honest with his psyc it possibly could have been helpful if he told the hard truth to perhaps to help us..I feel let down by the drs and him because he just doesn't get it that I want some truth and feeling not pushed away and silence and oh it's not a good time because he feels depressed!! For 14 yearsim ready to walk away but he rebooked 5 sessions with the psyc he has started seeing and promises he will listen. his own admission he just doesn't listen to the advice aparaNTLY WTF but now he will. I have lost trustopinions please

Insecure_wife Your experiences will help me
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am new and I am the wife of a sufferer of PTSD and my husband has had a relapse after many years. It is different this time and I am wondering if anyone can help me out. He is going to the doctors today to get some help again, which I ... View more

Hi everyone, I am new and I am the wife of a sufferer of PTSD and my husband has had a relapse after many years. It is different this time and I am wondering if anyone can help me out. He is going to the doctors today to get some help again, which I am very pleased about. However, I have a huge amount of distrust this time around, which I have never had before. My husband is being very secretive about his phone, he hides his phone when he is in the shower and it is always with him. If he gets a message he leaves and goes elsewhere to look at it but will not tell me anything about it or discuss it at all, not even to say he had a message. I have also found when he was working (he was working in Thailand on a fly in / fly out basis) that he was having money put into another account that I don't know about. This is so unlike him and I am trying to not let my mind wander here but I am finding it very difficult. Can anyone offer me any help as I feel totally stuck with being able to do anything - I feel like I am frozen, just cannot function or do anything. I realise he is the person who has the issue and I don't want to make this about me, I just need some help from someone please.

Strong100 Feeling co dependent
  • replies: 4

I know it's great to take the support of friends but the more anxious I get, the more I feel the urge to contact a friend every time by panic feeling or loneliness feelings intensify. How to take the support of good friends without exhausting them? View more

I know it's great to take the support of friends but the more anxious I get, the more I feel the urge to contact a friend every time by panic feeling or loneliness feelings intensify. How to take the support of good friends without exhausting them?

Mems89 Partner with possible BPD..I cannot cope!
  • replies: 7

I have been with my partner coming up to 10 years now. The relationship has never been easy. Never. But it's only in the past few years where I've realised that it's not me that's the problem, it's him, and that the problem is a possible mental illne... View more

I have been with my partner coming up to 10 years now. The relationship has never been easy. Never. But it's only in the past few years where I've realised that it's not me that's the problem, it's him, and that the problem is a possible mental illness. I've begged him to seek help, but he refuses. I've given ultimatums, but he always talks me out of following through. The thing is, it never gets any better, and I fully believe it never will, UNLESS he seeks help. His parents have suggested it's Bipolar, but on further research I believe it's more BPD. My soul has been destroyed. I can not be me around him, because no matter what, nothing I do is 'right' or good enough. I am constantly walking on egg shells and I am only truly happy when he is not around, and I dread being around him. But when he is happy, I know I love him, and things can be good, for a few days. The sad thing is is that there are far more bad days than there are good days, and when there are good days, I'm dreading the inevitable bad days. It can be something as small as me wearing makeup when he feels it's unnecessary, making him think that I'm wearing it for someone else, but on other days it could be because I didn't wear makeup making him think I'm letting myself go. From this example you can see I'm constantly in a no-win situation, and I'm sick of being left guessing as to what is appropriate at any given minute of any given day. I feel unloved, unappreciated, constantly alone and invisible. He refuses to communicate with me, yet expects me to communicate fully with him (to have it twisted and used against me as he sees fit). His mental illness is making our relationship abusive, and as much as I want to be there for him and help him get better, I don't think I can unless he does so himself. BUT I am scared. I am scared to walk away from the relationship, because I don't know how he will react. He will want to seek revenge, he will want to hurt me as much as he feels I've hurt him (because he doesn't SEE that he is the one hurting me first). I don't know what to do or how to handle it. Most of all, I feel broken and defeated. Yet again, there is a no-win situation, but I know I need to do something, because it's my mental health and sanity that is now being affected, and he couldn't give two hoots.

Yetti Inner battle
  • replies: 5

For myself having depression on the best of days sucks and to make it worse its something that seems to run on both sides of the family. The hardest part tho is i feel two parts to me the outer me trying to go day to day and the inner me which is scr... View more

For myself having depression on the best of days sucks and to make it worse its something that seems to run on both sides of the family. The hardest part tho is i feel two parts to me the outer me trying to go day to day and the inner me which is screaming and screaming and even abuses me and puts me down that i get to a point i get confused and selfish feel no quilt. Which sadly goes to me thinking im not worth the time and day and some stage my partner will be sick of me so i go out of my way to destroy what i have and im at a loss.