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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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KerryW 27 year marriage over - not coping
  • replies: 6

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelle... View more

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelled alone, call me stupid, I dont know. I trusted him with all my heart. It would seem now he has fallen in love with her and out of love with me. I am broken, I am trying to function for my 3 kids and for my full time job but I cannot breathe. Anxiety is taking a hold of me and I cannot function. I have a Psychologist appointment this afternoon and I am unsure they help but I am just so desperate for the pain to go away. I want to feel strong again and in control but I just want to curl into a ball and not move. I want him to love me like he did, I want him to try and fix this with me so we can be a family again. None of this is possible though and that just crushes me. How do I get through this? How do I stop from waking at night shaking and not being able to stop the vision of their relationship entering my mind. Even harder still I am protecting him and the kids don't know what he has done. Why? I don't know. I just feel alone and like I will never be happy or whole again.

Manny1967 Wife in denial
  • replies: 4

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every aftern... View more

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every afternoon. We have tried to discuss this with her but she flatty refuses to accept that she needs help & says it's all my fault. She has now decided that she is giving up on our marraige of 20+ years & will find a full time jobe & leave me, even though she is truggling to maintain a part time job currently. She is happy to live in the same house & carry on until she can set herself up but she doesn't see any other option. My family & I are worried sick about her & feel so helpless & don't know what to do anymore. This is tearing us apart & she seem oblivious to it. I'm sure others have faced similar situations & I'm not the first to experience this. I would appreciate any advice or support as I don't know how long I can keep this all together anymore. Thank you

Tigerland190922 Issues in life stemming from family upbringing!
  • replies: 2

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can... View more

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can see how my upbringing has contributed to the issues that I still suffer from today. Parents are so important in moulding their children into the people they will become one day and they need to realize this responsibility they own. I was continually called all sorts of derogatory names that dented my self esteem and confidence day by day by day. It never really hit me until I was older the impact it had and still has. Having a parent who is a scientologist conducting weird mind altering exercises on you and making you read the literature against your wishes also doesn't help. Being the supposed bad seed in the house everything that went wrong if the other members denied it it was punishment until I confessed. Confessing to crimes you didn't commit isn't right. Every little mistake you made being such as not making bed, not hanging bathroom towel over rack evenly on both sides, putting clothes in basket folded inside out and not washing a glass etc being rewarded with lines or fines makes people into nervous wrecks and still does to this day. Being told to not tell your father anything or your going to get makes someone scared to act. Getting called every name under the sun and then ignored for 12 months when you dropout of university by the man you looked up to all of your life doesn't help you progress as a human being and person. Parents be aware your actions do have consequences for people even long after they are out of your life. Through many years of councilling my hate has disappeared but I am aware of why I am the way I am and am still trying to break through these barriers. Councilling is so rewarding and I encourage anyone to use this service it really helped me off the canvas. I don't talk to any of my family except my brother and sister which is a real shame when it comes to Christmas etc every year and you see happy families everywhere but it is what it is I guess you can only play the hand you are dealt. I believe family or not if someone is a negative influence on your life don't have them in it. This is not a sob story or someone looking for sympathy its a message to any parents out there kids are sponges and look up to you. Be someone to look up to and guide them down the right path.

Vendyn Dealing with ex dating again when living together
  • replies: 5

Me and my partner have a 5 month old. We have just split up within a week ago. Thankfully it was amicable and we both want to be friends and make it work and share parenting 50/50. We are living together with plans of moving to seperate apartments bu... View more

Me and my partner have a 5 month old. We have just split up within a week ago. Thankfully it was amicable and we both want to be friends and make it work and share parenting 50/50. We are living together with plans of moving to seperate apartments but can’t afford it whilst she is on Maternity leave, and I am supporting us on one wage. She has just met a guy on POF and is going on a date Thursday, I thought I could handle it but my heart is starting to ache and I have been freezing up emotionally. I know breaking up was the right choice for us but I didn’t expect this to affect me soo much. I have told her it is hurting me but she says she needs this as she hasn’t felt wanted by me for quite sometime... she is right I have been emotionally absent and distant romantically and she has every right to search for her happiness. I just don’t know how to manage my feelings of jealousy, betrayal and loneliness and prevent them from affecting my decisions and ruin the chances of a more civil breakup. I won’t lie, I am imagining all sorts of ways to get back at him but know I can’t as that is not good for me or my son. Just scared as hell and I feel like I’m burning inside and don’t know how to put the flames out without destroying more in the process. Any advice or just if there’s anyone that has experienced something like this and has some good coping recommendations for me?

Back2happy Not coping
  • replies: 2

I have/had an amazing partner for the last eight months who I love with all my heart. Unfortunately I also have depression newly diagnosed. I have been on medication for approx 3 weeks and have seen a psychologist 3 times. I have a history of trauma ... View more

I have/had an amazing partner for the last eight months who I love with all my heart. Unfortunately I also have depression newly diagnosed. I have been on medication for approx 3 weeks and have seen a psychologist 3 times. I have a history of trauma having been a domestic violence relationship with an ice addict for several years. My partner and I went away over Christmas to another state to spend Christmas with his family and so he could see his daughter. While we were away, I felt myself becoming quite low and feeling alone and irrelevant, like maybe he didn’t need me and he was happier being with his daughter and family. I did not get much chance to have any alone time with him and I felt like he was treating my kids differently. Unbeknownst to me his daughter had made comments about him being wiht my kids all the time and rarely seeing her which make this behaviour make sense but I didn’t know this at the time. I found myself feeling unloved and unwanted and lost in a sea of negatives, crying and hanging on to things I shouldn’t and making a drama. Long story short, the day after we got back, after telling me that he loved me to death and we could get through anything, my partner told me he was leaving me cos it was too hard to be away from his daughter and he wa a moving back. He just came home, told me And packed all his things and walked out. Since then we have had limited communication all on his terms. He came to see me on Friday morning and he told me he does want to be with me and does think it could work but I need to get better first. I’m so confused. He won’t talk to me properly. Says he’s barely sleeping or eating and neither am I. The only thing That makes sense is he thinks this is the best for me as well. Like i can’t get better with him. I’m feeling so lost and hopeless, how am I meant to get betttr when my biggest support has just walked out the door.

Brenans Stuck in the middle
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates... View more

Hi, I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates than partners. In this time I met someone at my workplace that i have formed a connection with that I never thought I could. We both said that there is genuine love there and I believe that totally. I think about her constantly! The relationship I have with my current partner started when we were 19 and now nearly 12 years on with everything we’ve built and done together I don’t know whether I can let that all go. I’m hurting both of them and I’m literally in bits about it constantly. The stress and anxiety around what’s happening is so intense at times. Feel like I have to make a choice and the fear of making a wrong one has me completely frozen. I have love for both of them, but what do I do. Give up a very solid, and happy 12 year relationship that’s hit some hurdles. Or I feel like I could be giving up the shot at something special with someone I have an incredible connection with. Exhausted just thinking about it!

FallingAngel Feeling Trapped
  • replies: 1

A week before Christmas my mum got drunk on 2 bottles of cheap wine, she asked me to download messanger for her, I did. I said goodnight to her everything was fine she said it back... then a few hours later I’m woken up by her screaming out and so is... View more

A week before Christmas my mum got drunk on 2 bottles of cheap wine, she asked me to download messanger for her, I did. I said goodnight to her everything was fine she said it back... then a few hours later I’m woken up by her screaming out and so is my partner. We walked out to see what was happening... she started yelling at me.. calling me for everything because her phone wasn’t working for her. I asked what was going on as I was confused with the whole situation. She made me wake me 2 year old son up at 2 am and told me to leave. So I left and went to my grandmothers who lives around the corner. My mum kept calling and causing me problems. I went to grab the phone off my sister to try and make sense of he whole thing..and she kicked my in the stomach.. what the hell???! Now my partner and I are staying with his family. We came here to start a new life in our own home... the other night the whole family of 6 Poeple and my partner pretty much made the decision that we would take half the place and pay half the rent for 6 months. My partner is becoming extremely emotionally abusive towards me. I have no family left now and no friends. No car and all my money going on surviving. I have had so many calls from real estates and have had to turn down. My two year old son has been moved around constantly and I feel so much guilt for him. I am confused and feel trapped I honestly don’t know what to do !? I try to reach out to my partner for support and he just ignores me or beats me down emotionally. I suppose I am trying to reach out. I have social phobia so that makes communicating with people difficult for me. But I can’t sit here in silence while my life is falling apart anymore.

Raining Trapped
  • replies: 5

Hi All. I am new to these forums. I have hit a real low point. I suffer from depression and anxiety myself. My partner of 8 years suffers from chronic severe depression to the point that he cannot get out of bed for days at a time. We both already se... View more

Hi All. I am new to these forums. I have hit a real low point. I suffer from depression and anxiety myself. My partner of 8 years suffers from chronic severe depression to the point that he cannot get out of bed for days at a time. We both already see psychiatrists. He has been in and out of jobs for the past few years. He has always been kind and gentle with me. But I’m at the point that I feel I cannot cope anymore. I love him so much but I don’t want to live a miserable life. Any advice or suggestions will be helpful.

mpogret Chances of sex therapy when one of the partners has a satisfying relationship on the side
  • replies: 6

Hi! My first post here. I'm a 47-year-old man, married for 23+ years. My wife is 46. Our emotional connection is quite good, we love spending time together. I'd say we're getting along better than most couples we know. It seems like the only serious ... View more

Hi! My first post here. I'm a 47-year-old man, married for 23+ years. My wife is 46. Our emotional connection is quite good, we love spending time together. I'd say we're getting along better than most couples we know. It seems like the only serious issue we have is sex. Here’s our story. We married quite young and didn't have almost any sexual experience. At first, we both enjoyed sex, but, after a while, my wife started shutting off. For years, I wrongly interpreted this as decline in desire but, in fact, she just didn't enjoy it with me the way she was longing to. And she couldn’t find the way to tell me about this. I just accepted this and didn't pay much attention, navigating our busy lives. 7.5 years ago we moved to Australia and the move was a major shock for her. She almost didn't know any English and, for a while, had to rely on me and our daughter for day-to-day communications. She also had to go through the process of confirming her nursing qualification, which took 6 years. Shortly after the move, we hired a private English tutor for her (a handsome Aussie guy 5 years older than her) and they quickly fell in love with each other. I discovered this affair after a couple of months and, obviously was shocked. We had a rough period of time, with her explaining to me how she loved both of us and didn't want to end either of the relationships. I reluctantly agreed to accept this, and they kept seeing each other for years since then roughly once a week. I didn't have much of an insight into that relationship of hers and things seemed to continue as normal between us. I didn't know throughout all that time if sex was involved. ~4 months ago the story repeated itself. She met another guy and fell in love with him, very passionately. I discovered this new affair ~1.5 months ago. The same pattern repeated, she claimed she loved both of us (actually, the 3 of us, including the 1st guy) and didn't want to end any of the relationships. It took me a while to peel the layers of protection she built around herself to fully understand what was going all these years. She had a passionate true love with the 1st guy, which involved everything, including sex. He’s quite a character though, so she was suffering lots of ups and downs with him. He had other women from time to time, and she felt jealousy.

Bluetoo Depressed GF having doubts
  • replies: 1

This is gonna be along, and I don't expect anyone to reply...however I need to get it off my chest. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 and half years. We clicked instantly, and moved pretty quickly throughout our relationship. We moved... View more

This is gonna be along, and I don't expect anyone to reply...however I need to get it off my chest. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 and half years. We clicked instantly, and moved pretty quickly throughout our relationship. We moved in together after a year of being together, and 6 months ago we moved into our very own home. Everything seemed to be going well, but in late October she told me that she wasn't sure on how she was feeling about me. This came as a shock, so I was keen to uncover how this all unravelled. Over the months since we've gone from through different living arrangements. Living separately, to giving each other time and space, to living like a couple again...it's been a merry-go-round. This entire time (and in hindsight, the lead up to the event in October), she had not been herself. An entirely different person. She has a history of depression, and while she's medicated it seems as though it's now at it's worst. She's distanced herself from almost everyone, and she doesn't open up to anyone aside from me. Two nights ago, I went to her parents where she is currently staying and she said that she's sick of hurting me and isn't sure if this is right for her... We are currently on a hiatus, so to speak, but I can't help but think that her feelings are being clouded by her depression. Is it plausible to suggest that she really does want to be with me, but her depression is stopping her from loving? She says she loves me, but she doesn't know in which way that is. However she has said this a few times, but has also come running back to me a few times too saying she wants me to be hers forever. It's entirely mixed signals, but I also understand as depression is a bi*ch. Finally, I know I haven't been great as this situation has given me heightened anxiety which has also stressed her, so I know this break is good for me too... I suppose I'm just after advice on what to do in this situation. I know that the only way we can work is if she works on herself, and that means time and space...but on the other hand, I know shes struggling a lot right now and I want to show her I'm there. At the end of the day it's not the end of the world if we split up, I just want her to be okay.

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