Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K · ‎12-10-2019

This is my first time at the site and my first post. Before writing, I read through several topics and threads that seemed to match how I am feeling and it left me thinking that there are people dealing with issues that seem way more difficult than anything I have experienced and that I should count myself lucky with my lot in life - and I guess that is true. But I can't get passed how I am feeling at the moment. I have never married, had kids and our family was never close. For the most part of my life I have lived alone but enjoyed a good social life but as I got older this slowly faded away. Over the last 2 years I rented out my spare room to someone who I got on really well with but today he told me that he is moving out and I will be on my own again and it has left me feeling so low. I am near retirement age and I am thinking that all I have to look forward to is a lonely life when all I really want is someone be around. The more I write, the more I think I should just pull myself together and get on with things - which is what I have done in the past, but this time it feels so much worse and I don't know why. I guess I am not as good at rolling with the bumps and hurdles as I used to be. There is a lot more I could write but I think thats enough.

Betternow · ‎13-10-2019

Hi there Brenton5K

It seems your letter has touched quite a few in the BB community. I reckon your post has brought up a point that doesn't get a lot of airplay, loneliness takes on a different form as we get older. You write that you used to have a good social life, people come, people go but as we age it is natural we tend to seek security and emotional warmth more so than in the first half of our life. Somehow, we seem to lose some of our resilience as we age.

I too can relate to this as I sit in my quiet house at my computer on a Sunday afternoon. I've just come back from walking my two dogs, watching families play and laugh in the park and I have that lonely feeling now. I am in my retirement years and as a man, I have to work very hard to stay socially connected. Its not easy but you must try.

What you are experiencing now will be worse in retirement unless you put a plan together to stay socially alive. There are many volunteer jobs advertised that can have you chatting to people (don't choose a job where you work alone, I made that mistake). Think about joining a golf or tennis, there are quite a few elderly singles in this environment I have found.

By all means, advertise for a lodger again if that works for you. Good luck.

Brenton5K · ‎13-10-2019

Hi Betternow - I think what you have written is very insightful and certainly rings true with me. I am hoping that the first meetup group I go to works out and then I can look for other groups that might be good to join. I can't have pets where I live otherwise I think a dog would be a great companion. Your post, along with all the other replies that people have been good enough to add to this thread, have really helped me feel more connected and I really appreciate the time and effort that it takes to write them. I would like to keep writing about the things I try in case anyone is interested in reading about my experiences. Thanks again.

Guest_1584 · ‎13-10-2019

Hi op , no worries hope something helps. The really long term does work because l rent out a little cabin and l say in the ad suit somebody very long term or permanent and l get heaps of people looking for permanent.

All the best. rx

Mez79 · ‎20-10-2019

Hi Brenton
How'd you end up going at your first group? Has it helped. Back home here someone is looking at bring in a men's walking group like he experienced in another town. Maybe that could be an option. The idea is to get groups of guys together and try to start talking about men's health and mental health.
Hope this finds you well.
Mez