All or nothin

[Freshstart46]

I am struggling. I recently finished a 4 year degree and got a job away from my home town. I had been in a relationship for 2 years and we had discussed at great length that when my degree ended we would move. When the time cvame he couldnt handle leavin the home town.

I couldnt do long distance as he had cheated on me before and i found out he did it again just before i moved.

I am really havin a hard time living somewhere i know no one and because he was undecided i am rentin a house ment for both us but now alone so payin way to much rent and struggling to find a housemate.

I love my new job and its what i have been working for and everything i want but i cant help feeling that i lost soo much taking it. I dont want to give it up but i can feel depression startin to take over and am scared it will effect my job and then i will have nothin.

It also hurts to think that a man i loved so much could give up on me so easily and it has made me feel worthless and like i will never be good enough for anyone else . I know us ending was the right thing but its still really hard to accept this.

Id just like some self love tips and reassurance this will get better cause even though a part of me knows it will i cant help but not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Ggrand]

Hello Freshstart,

Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums, Well done in reaching out. Here you'll find some lovely kind non judgemental people who want to help you through your rough patch,

Congratulations on your new job, it sounds like worked really hard to get the job and you are enjoying it.

My thoughts only, I think you done the right thing in moving as you said you discussed it before and your b/f agreed to it. I feel if you didn't move and get this job you would eventually start regretting your decision and keep asking yourself what if, and would probably have started to resent your b/f and your decision.

Have you thought about making a long appointment with your gp and tell him/her how your feeling, your gp would be able to get you some counciling to help you pass this.

How about joining the local gym or finding some social clubs to meet new people and possibly form friendships. Would there be an option to move into a cheap rented home?.

We have a thread on the forums called "do you love yourself" it's a good thread with plenty of conversations about trying to love/like/accept ourselves. On the top right hand corner on this page just search the topic title and have a read and if you feel to join in the conversation or write your thoughts done.

These are my thoughts only, I hope I have helped you even a little, I hope your day is a good day.

Please feel free to write here anytime, a few more people will pop in and speak to you, as well with there great tips and suggestions.

Kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[white knight]

Hi Freshstart, welcome

Grandy, a beautiful soul has replied so well.

I've had 4 long term relationships all over 7 years long. It doesn't get easier. My latest, a beautiful caring soul has been my wife for 7 years now. But we did know each other 25 years prior to dating. That helps.

So to cope with a break up in 1996 where two kids were involved was my worse nightmare. I stumbled on some remedies for coping. I bought a block of land then a kit home. I also had 3 jobs one which was shift work. I basically worked my butt off building and working. I didn't realise at the time that I was no longer grieving for my old home and my town, neighbours etc. I was so tired I didn't place my face in my hands as often when I thought of my angel girls.

This is in detail in a thread (use google)

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue -just read the first page for tips.

As Grandy said join clubs, sports, hobbies...don't worry, there would be good guys around that area wanting to find a new girl in town. The concept of dating a new guy even though you are in grief of losing the old relationship is a good one. It does help overcome the old one.

Computer dating fast tracks the whole process because you can focus on what sort of guy you want, his hobbies and sport, occupation, age, kids etc. I'd recommend it as my daughter found her husband that way. Both are in the education system, both don't want kids, both are compatible.

I hope we've helped. Loneliness is one thing but getting over the grief isn't easy. I hope you read that thread and also this one

topic: relationship split- beyondblue

Tony WK

[geoff]

Hello Freshstart, please let me welcome you.

You have achieved getting into a job that you really wanted to do, that takes strength and a lot of courage, however your partner has betrayed you and the option you chose was to end the relationship.

Reassure yourself, feel proud that you have overcome so much and know that somehow you will sort out the rent problem, let the real estate know that you are looking for someone to share the rent, put up a notice at work, go to your community health centre and also put up a notice.

Maybe if you do find someone, why don't you make it on a temporary basis, just to see if you both adapt to each other.

Build your confidence on the job you love, you have finished your degree to get where you want to be, someone will come along, if not then ask the real estate if the landlord will allow an early release or they may find another person to take over your lease.

My Best Wishes.

Geoff.